11 | 6 things i learned in my first year of adulting
May 6, 2019
In honor of graduating one year ago and a new class of seniors currently graduating, I reflect on the six things I've learned in my first year of adulting.
Transcript:
I know some people graduated college this past weekend. I know my Miami peeps graduate very soon, so I wanted to do an episode on what I’ve learned in my first year of adulting.
Another class of seniors are graduating. I can’t believe it. I can no longer say “Oh I just graduated,” which I still have a bad habit of doing. The next class of seniors graduating means that I’ve been what I call adulting for one whole year. So I wanted to sit down and think deeply about what I’ve learned about life and myself since graduation.
The first thing I thought of when I was thinking about the past year is how much fun it was. Then I tried to think about why it was so much fun. Honestly, it is because I feel like I have learned so much in a short amount of time about myself, life, what I want it to be, and what I want to build. Learning, changing, and experiencing makes me excited for what the next year is going to bring.
This episode is special to me because it is kind of an open letter to myself or I guess the world now that I’m saying it on here. Recapping the past year, looking back at all the things I learned and who I have become since graduating as I hit one year of adulting. I think I also hope this gets those graduating from college right now excited for their first year of adulting and some perspective from someone that has been out of school for one year.
It was tough to put into words everything I learned, but right now I’m giving you a deep dive to the six things I’ve learned in my first year of adulting:
#1
There is more than one path in life
I’ll be honest, I was very closed minded about the path of life you are supposed to take. I thought you go to elementary school, middle school, high school, college, and then you get a job. That is just the way it worked in my head. A very linear way with no deviation from it. I don’t know why I thought that. It could have been the field I was going into or the environment I grew up in.
It’s like I had this plan in my head. This makes me think about the idea of “the plan.” “What’s the plan?” This is the dreaded question we always got senior year of college. When I think about how I answered the question during my senior year, I was proud to say that I was going to be a supply chain analyst living in the suburbs of Akron, OH.
However, I realized not long after graduation that continually playing into the idea of “the plan” was actually restricting me from exploring anything else in life. I had fulfilled “the plan” of getting a job after school, but my eyes were not open at all to other possibilities, such as furthering my education, traveling the world, etc.
I’d watched people who graduated go off to grad school, travel the world, join the Peace Corps, start their own business, write a book, etc. All of it has been so fun to watch! One of my favorite things has been running into someone from college or high school and hearing about an awesome thing that they’re doing or pursuing. It makes me incredibly happy and excited for them. It has showed me all the possibilities there are.
When I saw people doing all these things that weren’t currently on the linear path that was in my head, I noticed how closed minded I was being about my life and what it was going to be. If I want to go off the beaten path and explore something that intrigues me, I’ll do it. That is what I’m trying to do with this podcast.
There is more than one path in life.
#2
Take the time to figure out who you’re and what you want
I talk about it in my first episode (go listen if you haven’t yet), but during college I really didn’t know who I was. I knew that I was Claire Edwards and I was a college student that was about to graduate and start working. That was it. And I think I thought I knew what I wanted in life. It was so broad and not very specific. It was more like I want a job that I like, apartment I like, nice friends, etc. But most human twenty-three-year-old girls want those things right? Who am I and what do I want?
Through a lot of self-reflection and self-awareness exercises, I have come to know who I am and what I want.
So who I am:
I am a strong, confident, independent woman who wants to strive to be the best version of herself. I understand what my strengths are, like pursuing what I’m passionate about and being a self-motivator. I also understand some weaknesses I have, like being afraid to ask for help or freaking out about a situation before trying to fix it. I love having human interaction about 90% of my day and the other 10% as me time. I like to get out and experience as many different things as I can in my life to help me grow. Finally, I want to make a positive and lasting impact on the world.
I want to point out one thing in the statement I just made. It didn’t involve anything that is circumstantial in my life like my job title, the fact that I have a podcast, how much money I have, or how many friends I have. I didn’t include those things because they don’t define who I am. I would be the same person if those things were taken away. Knowing that I would be the same person no matter if I had everything in the world or nothing in the world makes me so proud of the person I am. That is why I see understanding who you truly are is so important.
Now for what I want:
I will expand on the broader things I mentioned before. I want a job that challenges me, allows me to grow to the next step in my career, and is in an environment where people are driven to succeed and support each other along the way. I want an apartment that allows me to have my own room for when I want me time, but has a big couch in the living room for when I want to socialize with my roommate or entertain a bunch of friends. I want to have friends here where I am and from my past life that I can open up to about anything and everything and we can support each other in all the challenges that life throws at us.
I know who I am and what I want can change overtime, but I know this is who and I am. This is what I want right in this moment. Analyzing and knowing these things has been life changing for me. It has allowed me to make decisions I’m confident in and build the life that actually makes me happy. It has allowed me to surround myself with the people and things that help me grow and make me happy.
I cannot stress enough the importance I have found in taking the time for yourself to know who you are and what you want.
#3
Don’t discredit yourself.
Now I already dedicated a whole episode to this topic, so if you want to hear a deep dive into it, go listen to episode #9.
To give what I learned about this in the past year, I realized when I graduated that I was a total freshman all over again. A freshman in life. It brought back the freshman feelings of “I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t want to embarrass myself in front of all these older people, they’ll think I’m dumb, and I don’t know if I’m capable of doing all these things.”
I kind of felt that freshman feeling as I started my first full time job, setting up my adult apartment, and especially when I was considering starting this podcast.
As I said, this was my freshman voice talking in my head. This was the discrediting voice in my head. Not helping the situation, there were most likely people I encountered that were contributing to those thoughts by thinking I’m naive and have a lot to learn about the real world.
I know I do have a lot to learn at only 23, but it doesn’t mean I don’t know anything, haven’t experienced anything, or am not capable of things. I’ve learned from both the mistakes I’ve made and good decisions I’ve made. I’ve worked hard for things that paid off and things that didn’t. I can take the lessons I learned from my previous experiences and use them as I approach my new adult experiences.
The biggest thing I realized this in the past year is “being too young or too inexperienced” is not an excuse for why I can’t do something. What does that even mean? What is too young and what is too inexperienced?
I finally realized about six months into adulting that if I continued to hold onto the excuses of being too young or too inexperienced, I was going to be holding myself back from so many things. So I decided I wasn’t going to use that excuse anymore. Ever since then I started speaking up more in work meetings, I started going to advanced yoga classes I’d never been to, and actually started a little thing called a podcast.
To put things in perspective, I would not be sharing this will you today if I had continued to discredit myself. Find that inner fire to try the things you’re curious about and don’t discredit yourself on your ability to do it.
#4
You’re more like your parents than you think.
More than ever this has come up over the past year. I generally knew I was like my parents and have the same mindset of my parents, but I’ve been noticing how much I am actually like them the more I grow. They’re totally going to laugh when listening to this, but it’s so true.
When I ask myself why I do things the way I do (likely certain tasks or approaching decisions or reacting to certain decisions), probably half of the answers are because that is the way my mom or dad do it. I’ve changed some lifestyle things to fit my life more, but there are some things I catch myself doing or especially saying that makes me go, “Shoot I’m becoming my parents.” I know a lot of you have been there.
For example, a couple months ago I took my sister Lilly to go shopping for business clothes. We were going through the different racks of suits looking for things for her to try on. Lilly came out with a suit jacket and skirt on, and I said, “Those blacks don’t match, you’ll want to find blacks that match.” And immediately a covered my mouth and said, “I’m becoming my mother.” That is something she said during my first business suit shopping trip in college. Who knew there were so many shades of black to choose from?
I’ve thought I would be more like my mom with different traits and ways she approaches things. I’m not only her twin, but we have similar things we get stressed out about and definitely share our organizational Type A-ness making sure that everything is taken care of.
Recently I’m finding more traits of my dad. For example, my dad is very into books and podcasts and consuming as much information as possible whenever he can. I’ve definitely picked up that urge and tendency from him since I graduated. I have also started making protein smoothies every morning. For people who know my dad, you know I definitely picked that up from him. I feel like I’ve become a nice balance of both my mom and dad.
As much as you think you are your own person or whatever, one way or another, there is always some tendency or quirk that shows that you’re still your parents’ son or daughter.
#5
Don’t lose your student learning mindset.
In college, we are in an environment where we consume as much information as we possibly can. Study, read, watch videos, etc. We are encouraged to reach out to professors for help and reach out to mentors to learn about their careers and experiences because pretty much anyone is willing to help someone who is willing to learn. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten an answer from a professor or potential mentor, so has said “No, I don’t want to help you.”
I’ve found that because we’ve just graduated from college, it doesn’t mean we have to lose that student learning mindset. The learning shouldn’t stop because you’re no longer in an environment that is all about learning.
Continue to read the books, watch the videos, and really research what you’re interested in. Say yes to opportunities that provide additional learning. Whether that is going to the special workshop offered at the gym or raising your hand for a new project at work.
Reach out to your peers in the office or leadership for coffee to get some perspective on what they do or how they do things. Yes people are busy, but usually they’re more than willing to chat and help someone out that is new and provide insight on their experience.
I would say that the aspect of reaching out to people for advice or perspective is not necessarily a strength of mine. I’ve found that it is so important and is a great way to learn. I said before that one of my weaknesses is being afraid or hesitant to ask for help. I think this is because I want people to think I fully understand things or know what I’m doing. However, I know people aren’t going to think I’m dumb for asking for questions or help, honestly. Most of my interactions have involved the mentor or person I’m talking to saying, “That is a great question.” I’m slowly trying to reach out to mentors and people in different aspects of their life to get advice and more perspective on things. This allows me to make more educated decisions.
So don’t lose your student learning mindset.
#6
Your tribe is how you will survive.
I consider myself a very independent person, but more than ever have I found the importance of surrounding yourself with people that you can lean on and you can support as well. You can say you don’t need people, but you do, because you can’t live this life alone. It doesn’t mean you have to have a gazillion friends, but just a few goods ones. I’ve found in different stages of life I’ve always had a close knit group of very good friends, instead of just a ton of friends. That is what has worked for me.
I was thinking about the past year and I realized how different it would be if I didn’t have my core group of supporters or tribe. Both here where I live now and spread out across the country.
Being in a new city, before I started meeting friends and co-workers, I honestly felt like depressed because I yearned for making connections. I leaned on support from my family and my friends from high school and college. My family and my friends that don’t live here helped me get through the transition.
As you guys heard in last week’s episode, episode #10, having Emily as a roommate definitely helped during the transition to this new chapter. We say a lot in that episode how we literally don’t know what we would have done if we didn’t have each other. Adulting probably would have started out a lot worse. That is for sure.
Once I was here for awhile, I started to get to know people in the area and at work. I started slowly seeing my tribe of friends come together, as well as, my tribe at work. The development of both these tribes was slow and took work, but I literally don’t know what I would do if I hadn’t taken the time to find supportive people to surround myself. Honestly, maybe I would have left this town or left the job I have. It kind of makes me think about the phrase that “people make a home,” because I have seen that as more true than ever over this past year.
People make you stick around somewhere. The people you surround yourself with impact your mood, your feelings, your decisions everyday. It’s like the thing of you are most like the 5 people you hang out with. I totally believe that. You have to find people that are going to support you and encourage you to be the best version of yourself and you have to do the same for them because that is how you’re going to make it through even the hardest of days.
So thank you to my tribe because I would not survive without you.
Woo that was a lot. Those are my six things that I’ve learned in my first year of adulting.
There is more than one path in life
Take the time to figure out who you’re and what you want
Don’t discredit yourself
You’re more like your parents than you think
Don’t lose your student learning mindset
Your tribe is how you will survive