19 | what we can do when it feels like the country is breaking around us
August 19, 2019
Before I continue, I want to tell you that I’m not here to talk politics or who sides with who. I’m here to talk about what we are feeling as a result of things going on and what we can do next. Recently, every time we turn on the news, we tend to feel like the country is breaking around us. We have been watching the country divide, hate being thrown around, and bad things happening to people. This can make us feel fearful, anxious, depressed, and overwhelmed all at the same time. In this episode, I'm sharing four ways we can overcome these feeling and take action to be a positive force.
Transcript:
We are about to get real. Cut the BS. Let’s talk about how a lot of us are really feeling. Lately, every time I turn on the news, I feel like the country is breaking around us. I made that statement. Before I go on, I want to tell you that I’m not here to talk politics or who sides with who. I’m not here to talk about what exactly is going on, even though it is important to recognize it. I’m here to talk about what we are feeling as a result of things going on and what we should do next.
No matter what you believe in, I think we could agree that there is a lot of division. There is a lot hate being thrown around. A lot of bad things happening to people in our country. There are many things going on that feel are out of our control. This can make us feel fearful, anxiety, depressed, and overwhelmed all at the same time.
I’m only 23 years old, but I’ve never felt so fearful, anxious, depressed, and overwhelmed about what is going in our country. How do we keep ourselves from feeling like that? I don’t want to spend all my time feeling fearful, anxious depressed, and overwhelmed. I know I can’t shut off the TV, turn off my phone, hide in bed, and pretend that it isn’t happening.
I just finished reading a book by Tim Desmond called How To Stay Human In A Fucked-Up World. The title caught my eye right off the shelf. I couldn’t not read it. In one of the first chapters he talks about how we can get so overwhelmed by the hurt we are experiencing, our loved ones are experiencing, or the world is experiencing. We tend to find a little bubble of privilege we can escape into, stop caring and pretend like it isn’t happening.
He goes further into how the hurt in the world and people not caring can turn us into someone we don’t want to be. He explains how he doesn’t want to stop caring and drown in all the anger and bitterness. Therefore, it is important to stay present and be a force for good.
This all struck a cord with me. This is what we need to hear. He is right. We can’t pretend things aren’t happening. Its hard to admit, but if it isn’t affecting us directly, we pretend like it isn’t happening at all. I don’t know if you’ve watched the news lately, but anything can happen to anyone. We need to recognize the pain. It is our job to to see what we can do to be a positive force during this period of turmoil.
The problems going on in our country seem so big. I’ve been thinking about the little things I can do for myself. To help myself not feel as anxious, depressed, overwhelmed or fearful. I think about the part I can play in being a positive force in this world.
Here are a couple things we can all do:
1.
Stay educated.
At times there can be so much negative news. We feel we don’t want to listen to it anymore. However, it is important to stay educated about what is going on in our communities and around the world. It is important to stay educated on current events so that you can make smarter decisions personally, professionally, and more. Current events could impact everything from where you travel for vacation, business decisions you make, or what may be a sensitive topic to people.
Being educated on topics makes me feel less anxious. I feel like the more information I gather, the more confident I am in my decisions.
The news can be overwhelming at times. Information we don’t want to listen to it. One thing I found helpful is finding a news podcast that is less than fifteen minutes and gives you the low down on what you need to know. I listen to NPR’s Up First. I also like NYT’s The Daily and a few more. I listen to NPR’s Up First every morning on my commute. I get the low down on what I need to know without hearing the rest of the noise.
Another thing you could do if you haven’t already is setup notifications on the news app on your phone. You’ll get notified when something happens. You can choose which sources you want to get it from like Washington Post, CNN, or even People Magazine.
Find a way that works for you. Relieve your anxiety and stay educated.
2.
Make a action plan when going to events you’re nervous attending.
In light of recent events, I get nervous going to concerts, festivals or areas with large amounts of people. I’m sure some of you feel this too. It is not an irrational fear. Many of the tragedies have involved large crowds. It deters us from wanting to go to the events.
I must decide if I am constantly going to live in fear. I’ve realized living in fear is not living at all. Living in fear is keeps us from experiencing the most wonderful things with the most wonderful people. I want to live. Not in a shadow of fear.
Here is what I’ve done the past couple of times when going to events. I make a plan. Bad things can still happen. That is life. Having a plan makes me less anxious to go to an event. It’s like the educated thing. When I have more information, I feel like I am more confident in my decisions.
When I arrive at an event that makes me nervous, I look for the exit points. If it’s inside, where is the nearest door? If it’s outside, where is a safe place I could go? I wear shoes I know I can run in. It makes me feel more empowered. No wedges or heels. Stay vigilant of your surroundings. Tell yourself if you see something and your gut says it isn’t right, say something to someone, an authority. Who knows? Your gut might be right.
This isn’t to make you more anxious about going to events. Doing these things does not mean bad things aren’t going to happen. To put us at ease, having a plan can make you enjoy the event a little bit more.
3.
Be willing to have a conversation.
When all this horrible stuff is going, lots of different perspectives and views being thrown around. Our first tendency when we don’t like what is happening or disagree with someone is to get angry and then respond with hate. Often yelling something along the lines of “You’re wrong.” You have to admit, its the first reaction whether we say it in our heads or aloud. We yell back and forth. It’s so much yelling that no one can even hear themselves speak, let alone listen.
You may think you’re having a conversation, but you are not. The definition of a conversation is a talk between two or more people, in which news and ideas are exchanged. Trust me, no news or ideas are being exchanged here. All that is being exchanged is screaming.
I was in a leadership seminar the other day. A phrase got brought up, “Listen to understand, not to respond.” “Wow,” I thought.
You know me now. I am a talker. I’m so much of a talker that I have continually worked for years on trying to make sure I let people finish and I don’t interrupt. I always want to get my word in.
What if we listened to what other people were saying? What if we listened, digested, and analyzed, instead of immediately rejecting the idea. Don’t get me wrong, you can definitely reject the idea later. What if we actually listened to it, digested it, and analyzed it. Listened to why people think that way based on their past experiences, belief system, family situation financial status, or whatever. What if we actually listened? Who knows, maybe we wouldn’t reject someone else’s idea. Maybe we could find a compromise. We may still reject the idea, but their perspectives give even more validation to your idea. I don’t know. It really depends on the situation.
Will we ever know any of these things if we don’t listen? Probably not.
What if we responded in a non-combative way? What if we acknowledged, listened, and then responded? We could share our own experiences, belief system, family situation, financial status or whatever. Just like they did. You could ask questions to better understand where they’re coming from. You could suggest compromises. Share why you don’t agree with their statements based on your experiences, situations, and more.
We could say all of this in a non-combative way. Make sure our response is at the same tone or volume as the other person if not lower. I say if not lower because if the person is yelling at you, that does not mean yell back as loud. You most definitely won’t get anywhere by raising your voice.
Go back and forth and have a real life conversation. Once you have more of an understanding of people’s perspectives, it can make you feel less overwhelmed, anxious, and fearful about what is going on in the world. It is possible we may feel less divided and a lot less hate being thrown around.
At the end of the conversation, you may find you agree on some things and not others. That is ok. You will never know that or learn anything new, if you aren’t willing to listen and then respond.
I have been having this internal debate with myself. Do I think more hate is created in the world when people don’t listen or, is it the words they responding with? Maybe I’ll do an Instagram poll and see what you think. Honestly, I go both ways. I think a lot of hate can be created by not listening and using hateful words. We need to make sure we are listening and responding in a non-combative way.
4.
Send some positives vibes into the world.
There is so much negativity. We don’t need to add to it. We can do our part in being a positive force for the world.
Whether that is telling a random stranger that we love their outfit or telling our best friend that you’re proud of them. We are sending positive vibes into the world.
We also have this amazing tool called social media that we can use as a force for good. Not negativity. If you see someone you follow doing great things and are just really killing it, comment or message just tell them about it. It can totally make their day and it really encourage them to keep going. If you follow someone you don’t really like or you do not enjoy their content, instead commenting negativity, unfollow them. You don’t need to see it anymore.
We can send the most good vibes into the world by setting an example. Whether you know it or not, you’re impacting the people around you. The people you live with, work with, the person sitting next to you a the coffee shop, your little cousin that thinks you’re the coolest person ever, the people that follow you online, you’re impacting them. Set the example of sending good vibes into the world. Others will likely follow suit.
Even if all the problems of the world seem so much bigger than us, sending positive vibes is an easy thing to do to make us feel less anxious, depressed, fearful, and overwhelmed. Positive vibes bring more joy into everyone’s lives.
That was a lot. To recap how not feel as anxious, depressed, overwhelmed, or fearful and be a more positive force when it feels like the country is breaking we can:
Stay educated.
Make a plan when attending an event we’re nervous about.
Be willing to have a conversation.
Send good vibes into the world.
I would love to hear what you are doing in these really hard times. We are all here to help one another. If you have any other tools, strategies, or mindset practices you use, please let me know, or comment on my Instagram picture for this episode. I would love to hear from you.