25 | how to create a life you’re proud of
November 4, 2019
In the Season 3 premiere, I talk about my mission of creating a life I'm proud of and how you can create a life you're proud of too.
Transcript:
Creating a life I’m proud of, that is ultimately what I do every day. I want to make this my mission not only for my life, but for the content I create. There was a time in my life where I was not proud of the life I was creating (or I guess not creating) for myself. It was a life that was filled with negativity, no sense of self identity, schedules I wasn’t excited about, and lots of anxiety. I know I’m not the only one who has felt this way or is currently experiencing this feeling. I want people to know that your life doesn’t have to be this way. It is possible to change it. You’re not stuck. You can make yourself proud of the life you’re living. I would love to be a part of that. Helping you on your journey to creating a life you’re proud of. This is a journey, not a destination. Everything is better together, right?
You may be asking, “Well what does creating a life you’re proud of look like?” Let me explain. Let’s break down that statement. The words are very purposeful.
Creating: We forget we are in charge of our lives and we get to take control of it. We are the artists or writers. We get to choose to do something or not to do something. Life is filled with endless possibilities with what you are able create. No one else is going to create it for you. Not your parents, not your significant other, or your best friend. You are in control of your life and the story that you’re going to create. Take control and start creating.
A Life: We only have one life. Why would we waste it doing things we don’t have to do or being around people or in environments that don’t make us happy? Let’s make the most the time we have. Let’s embrace every moment with full presence and feeling because you never know if you will get that moment or feeling ever again. We have one life to live.
You’re: You is an important word. You are the only person that has to be proud of the life you are living. Guess what? Everyone is going to have an opinion about how you’re living your life. You’re not going to be able to please everyone. Why not please yourself? You need to be proud of how you’re spending your time, who you’re spending your time with, and what you’re accomplishing. You are the only person that gets to be the judge of how you’re living your life.
Proud of: I specifically picked the word proud because I think there is this essence to it. It is a step past complacency. Think about when you’re most proud of yourself. It’s usually when you did something you don’t usually, accomplish something that is difficult for you, or when you go that extra mile. Let’s not be living complacent and average lives. Let’s be proud of what we are doing and what we are doing to grow. At the end of each day, let’s be able to sign our names confidently as we reflect and say, “Wow I’m proud of what I did today and the life I’m living.” Let’s create those feelings of happiness and triumph each day.
I told you what this looks like, but how do you apply this? How do you create a life you’re proud of? An easy example to give is to tell you how I went from not having a life I was proud of and creating a life I was proud of.
I talk about this a little bit in my very first episode when I explained what led up to me starting the podcast. In the fall of my senior year, I started to develop this intense anxiety. It was this anxiety where I would question every decision I made, be extremely insecure in social situations, and always felt like I was doing the wrong thing. I didn’t really tell anyone about what I was feeling, except maybe my mom, and my best friend Madison. I didn’t truly understand what I was feeling. It was hard to communicate to my mom or Madison, two people extremely close to me, what I was feeling. I didn’t understand what was going on with me and why I was feeling this way. Instead of slowing down and taking the time to understand, taking action, or seeing someone to talk about my feelings, I thought that this is the way senior year was going to be. Sucky is the best word I can use. I let it be that way.
Let me mention that going into senior year, this was not part of the plan. Feeling sucky is never part of the plan. I went into senior year with my job for post-grad lined up. I was even dating someone at the time that was going to have a job in the same city. You would think I would be on the top of the world. Like I said, that was the plan, but definitely not what happened. If you looked at me on paper, on social media, or even the way I presented myself in person, you would have thought I was living my best life, but on the inside I was living my worst life. I prayed to God over and over again. Why this was happening to me. Why, why, why. I was doing all this wishing and praying that things were different, but I was doing absolutely nothing about it. It was like I thought someone was going to fix things for me. I wasn’t taking care of myself and taking control of my life. I basked in the anxiety. Guess what, basking in my anxiety became a full on sunburn of anxiety.
I tell you all of this, but I’m telling you from the perspective of present day Claire, two years later, because while this was all happening, I had no awareness of what I was feeling or how bad my anxiety had gotten. My anxiety had gotten so bad that I started treating others very poorly. I was being inconsiderate because I was so blinded by the hurt I was feeling internally. I also started letting others treat me poorly because that is what I thought I deserved. These things started developing very toxic friendships and relationships. My brain started doing things like playing a constant comparison game to others around me or on social media. I convinced myself that I needed to put up this facade that everything was fine and I shouldn’t be open to others about how I’m actually feeling. I was in a habitual state of bad habits, was saying yes to things I really wasn’t interested in, tired all the time, and did not have a spiritual practice to get in touch with myself. The easier way to explain it to you is I had no idea who I was and what I was doing with my life. I felt so incredibly stuck and thought the rest of my life was going to be this way.
To this day, I think the stars aligned for me. While I was feeling this way, I was taking a class studying leadership and creativity. At the beginning of the class in August, the practice of journaling had come up. I didn’t think anything of it. Topics of self awareness came up. However, I didn’t think anything of that either. I went through the motions of what was required of the class.
Come November of that semester, I had fallen to my lowest low. I remember to this day crying to myself in my room on a Sunday morning. At this point, I would do anything to feel better. I knew I had to do something. On that Sunday morning, I knew I had to take control of my life. I drove myself to TJMaxx and bought myself my very first journal and started writing in it. I thought even if I couldn’t share my feelings with others, I could at least start looking at them in the journal.
Over the next few weeks, I journaled almost every night, finding myself becoming more aware of my feelings, words, and actions. I started to notice some of the things I was writing I really didn’t like. They made me ashamed to write it. Even though journaling was helping, I quickly learned it was not going to fix everything. I needed to start taking action and control of my life. In December of that semester, I ended my relationship, started evaluating the friendships, and started looking at what I was doing with my time.
January came around and I was home for a six week break from school. It was nice to be back home with my family and have a little more time to slow down. I started exploring podcasts. I would go to the gym and sit on the bike for a long time listening to self help podcasts. I clicked on episodes of things I was struggling with and started hearing people’s perspectives on life, which really opened my eyes. I think what I loved about them most is that people were so real with the shit they were going through, but were turning it around as a positive and taking control of their life. I thought that was so amazing and really inspiring.
Throughout the semester, I continued to journal, listen to podcasts, and keep my schedule pretty full. I still wouldn’t say I was living a life I was proud of.
After graduating in May 2018, I went home to Columbus for a month and a half before I was going to move to Northeast Ohio for my new job. While at home, I started to think about how I was about to start this new chapter of my life. I started to think about what I wanted this new chapter of my life to look like. I started to think about how I was getting a blank slate. I realized very quickly that I didn’t want the rest of my life to look like the past year had. I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of this sooner, but this felt like the time where I needed to turn things around.
Where do I possibly start with that right? I had a blank slate after all. Of course, I wanted to take everything on at once and make sure I was doing everything perfect. I started doing something that I should have done a long time ago and has completely changed my life. I started recognizing what I was feeling in each moment of the day. Sounds simple right?
I started recognizing what I was feeling in each moment of the day. I started to get super in touch with what I was feeling in each task I did, each decision I made, each person I chose to be around, etc. I started asking myself why I was feeling that way. I wasn’t asking myself this because I was being critical of myself or telling myself that I couldn’t feel what I was feeling. I asked myself this so I could learn about myself and what was going to serve me best.
When I recognize what I’m feeling in the moment and then I ask myself why I’m feeling that way, I learn something that helps me make decisions that better my life. When I wasn’t recognizing and getting in touch with what I was feeling, observing, or being aware, how could I possibly be making any decisions that would serve me? Think about using these feelings as evidence or data you could use to make an educated guess, conclusion, or decision.
An example of application could be your morning routine. Your alarm goes off, you hit snooze three times, finally roll yourself out of bed twenty minutes later, get ready super fast, and rush to work. I know I’ve been there. A lot of us have been there. That morning routine kind of feels crappy, right? You recognize that your morning routine feels that way. Why does it feel crappy? You’re rushed to get ready and you’re starting the day with a tense situation. Using that information, you make decisions on how you could make your morning less rushed and less tense. You could put your alarm across the room so that you’re forced to get up when it goes off the first time. Try it out and start the process over again to see how that feels. Keep doing it until you find a morning routine that you’re proud of and can sign your name next to.
Recognize your feelings, ask why, and make a decision accordingly. Repeat it a million times over again and again. Think about it. We aren’t going to get it right the first time. It takes trial and error. Try something, recognize how that serves you, ask yourself why that serves you, and use it as evidence to decide whether you’re going to continue to do it or try something else. Also, you’re going to go through seasons or phases in your life where something might work in one season and not another. Not to mention, you only make decisions based off the information you currently have. As you continue to grow and get older, you start to gather new information that can help you make decisions. We must have the courage and patience (I know that is hard for some of us) to be willing to go through this process.
Recognize your feelings, ask why, decide, repeat. Recognize, ask why, decide, repeat. This is what creating a life you’re proud of looks like.
By recognizing my feelings, asking why, and making decisions, I’ve been able to do some effective trial and error. Based on what I know, I have created this life that I’m so incredibly proud of. I’ve created this morning routine that makes me excited to get out of bed in the morning. It includes meditation, prayer, and journaling. I created an approach to my job where I want to learn as much as I can and make as many connections as possible. After work, I have time where I get to workout or spend time with people that fill my cup, like my close friends and boyfriend, or work on this podcast. Heck, do something after work that is fulfilling and serves me. I have created this life that I’m so incredibly proud of. You can too by simply recognizing your feelings, asking why, and deciding what is next based on the information you have.
Let’s go over some caveats or questions you might be asking yourself.
First, let’s get this straight. Just because you’re focusing on what serves you best, does not mean you’re being inconsiderate of others. Think about it. When you do something that is inconsiderate or make a decision that is inconsiderate to another, it doesn’t serve you. It makes you feel icky inside. By serving yourself, you can also serve your relationship with others. If you don’t take care of the relationship with yourself first, the other relationships in your life will not thrive.
Second, when going through the process of recognizing, asking why, and making decisions, do not use the word “should.” The words “should and feel” are not to be next to one another. There are no feelings you shouldn’t feel because they are your feelings and you have a right to feel them. Like, dislike, anger, happiness, love, anxious, overwhelmingness, calmness, etc. It is important to take them as they are, ask why, decide accordingly, and repeat.
We are not stuck. It doesn’t have to be the way things are right now. We can makes changes here and now. It can be as simple as changing one little thing about the way you do something or even changing our attitude.
If you are having trouble figuring out what you’re feeling, I’m a big proponent of journaling, as well as, taking a few minutes and have an internal check of how you’re doing. We run around like crazy people and that makes it easy to get lost in who we are and who we want to be. It takes only five minutes to be with yourself and check in.
That was a lot, but the big thing I want you to remember is if we take the time to recognize what we are feeling in each moment, it can make us more aware of who we are, who we want to be, and the life we want to create for ourselves.