Claire Edwards

Transcript:

I’m trying to figure out my relationship with social media. It can be messy, inconsistent, and complicated. I get sucked into the comparison game, perfection game, validation game, deception game, and the escape from real life game, all the games. I get sucked into the comparison or perfectness of someone’s Instagram grid (who even came up with that anyway), that feeling that I want to constantly be checking it, and I have to remind myself over and over again that social media is just a snapshot of someone’s life and that can be intentionally or unintentionally deceiving. I just get caught up in all of it.

I guess when I get caught up in this, I try to bring myself back to my why. I’m trying to decide what the purpose of social media is to me. What is my why? Everyone uses it for a different purpose, but I think my ultimate why is to connect with people. Whether I’m the one posting things or looking at what other people posting, I think I’m looking for connection and to be able to relate to people.

When we post, I like to think we are casting out this fishing line and looking to see who bites, see who is interested. We want to put ourselves out into the world and see what happens. We want to see if we can relate to people, if they also think that video is funny or that picture is cool, if they’re into the same hobbies that you’re, if people want to see how great (or not great) your career or romantic relationship. It is the opportunity to create the digital version of your life, cast the line out there, see who you connect with, and see what happens.

But what if no one bites? What if no one acknowledges you, engages with you, or clicks that heart or like button? Does that matter? Will that stop you from casting out the line and putting yourself out there? I think everyone would answer differently.

I have taken many twists and turns to this answer. I like to think that even if no one engages with what I am putting out there, that I’m still going to keep posting in a way that is me. Posting things that I think people can relate to and are important to me like with family, friends, relationships, and experiences. And not posting necessarily while the experience is happening, but later so I can fully enjoy the moment and the people I’m with.

Social media can mess with our feelings of loneliness or that no one understands. I like to think that if I keep putting myself out to the world, then eventually the like-minded, relatable people will come along. Because if I don’t put myself out there, how will I ever have the opportunity to connect with those people? Yes, there is the real world and we can actually engage with each other in person (which we can’t even do right now), but we have this unique opportunity to connect with like-minded people across the country and world that we would have never had the chance to meet before.

The other thing is even if you don’t directly see people biting at what you post with likes or comments, they may still be biting. They may still care about what you’re posting or you may be having a bigger impact on them than you think, you may just not see it.

So why not continue to cast out the line out there to see what you get? Why not try to continue to connect with people on social media?

Now I talked about us casting out the line when posting on social media, but now I want to take the perspective of the fish. The perspective of the person scrolling and looking for connection, something to relate to, something to bite at.

This aspect of my relationship with social media is weird too. I try to do things with purpose here too and ask myself why I’m scrolling, why I’m following certain people, why I’m looking at other people’s pictures, and why I engage with social media at all.

I think my ultimate why for being a fish is the same as casting out the line, I want connection. I want to find people that I can relate to, see what cool things they’ve created, and see what things they’re up to.

The thing is I find myself sometimes not using social media for the connection purpose I previously intended. I find myself picking up my phone checking social media to see what is going on. When I find myself on it that often, it’s almost like I’m not looking for connection anymore, but instead an escape from life. It is like I would rather spend time looking at other people’s snapshots of their lives than living my own.

It made me think about how I sometimes use social media as an escape from creating my own life. It’s sad, but it’s so true. I lose my why of connection. It makes me want to be more intentional when I pick up my phone. Am I picking it up because I’m looking for connection or because I’m trying to escape from life? I’m the only one that can be the judge of that and I owe it to myself to be honest about that.

Now, when I do feel that I am using social media for the purpose I intend which is connection, I also like to consider who I’m biting at. Why am I following this person? Do they bring some type of positive energy to my life? Is this someone I would actually want to connect with in real life? This can be a gray area, but the checkpoint I’ve been using for myself is if I saw that person in a bar, would I go up to talk to them? I’m even talking celebrities or influencers. And I’m talking soberly or with only a few drinks in you talk to them, in case you needed clarification. If I would not want to go to them in a bar and talk to them, then why am I following them? Clearly, I don’t care to actually connect with them. Why not only bite or follow those who I actually want to connect with.

Social media is complicated and it will probably continue to be complicated. When I find myself getting caught up in the games of social media, whether I’m casting out the line or the fish biting at others, I want to come back to the reason I’m on it, connection.