Claire Edwards

Transcript:

Some days are better than others. That is what I hear when I Facetime with friends or co-workers, and I also find saying myself. I found the hardest days being when I wake up, its gray and raining, and you know you aren’t leaving today. Those are the hardest days to want to get out of bed and do anything. Those are the days where we allow ourselves to get so consumed when how messed up things are right now, that we feel like why not mess ourselves up too?

I go back and forth between using this weird time to give myself grace to not do anything, and making it an excuse to not do anything. Grace vs. excuses. Things are weird, hard, and uncertain, so don’t beat myself up about not doing things. Things are weird, hard, and uncertain, so its ok to throw everything else out the window with it.

I think there is a balance in there between giving yourself grace and making excuses, a happy medium. I think that balance looks like asking yourself the question, “how can I not give up on myself right now?”

How can I not necessarily move mountains right now because things are already really hard, but how can I still be pushing forward? How can I not necessarily grow exponentially right now, but at least sustain who I am? How can I serve and honor the person that I’ve built inside of me up to this point?

As you probably know, I’m a person who is very passionate about growing in every aspect of my life. Over the past few weeks, I’ve noticed it has been a struggle for me because it feels like I’m not growing in the same ways I was before, not fast enough, or possibly not growing at all. Not growing in the same ways, growing fast, and it feeling hard to grow at all, makes me want to give up on myself all together.

What brings me back is asking myself “how can I not give up on myself right now? How can I at least sustain the person that I’ve become? What can I do to serve me right now?”

I like to think about what I pride myself on and how I see myself. For me that looks like: I am fit. I am a supportive girlfriend. I am an enjoyable family member to live with. I am a hard-working employee. I write and record thought-provoking podcasts. I embrace being outside. I am a thoughtful friend. I am tidy and orderly. I do things with purpose.

There are a lot of these parts of myself that I’ve wanted to give up because things seem hard. But asking myself “how can I not give up on myself today?” has saved me from losing myself completely.

When staying fit seems hard because the gym is closed and there are a lot of desserts in the house, I don’t give up on myself by choosing to take a walk around the block and maybe only have 1 scoop of ice cream today instead of 3.

When working from home seems hard because it is harder to talk to co-workers and there are a lot of distractions at home, I don’t give up on myself by not being afraid to setup meetings with co-workers and keep a structured schedule for my day.

When my passion of writing and recording these podcasts seem hard because the perfectionist in me is coming out because this is one of the only things to focus on since there isn’t a lot going on in life right now, I don’t give up on myself by releasing something every week because done is better than perfect, and I know the reps of a bunch of done podcasts will help me learn and get closer to podcasts I’m proud of. 

How can I not give up on myself right now? Who have I built myself to be and how can I serve that person? What is 1 thing I can do right now for me? Whether that is resting or working out, what can I do to not give up on myself right now?

Because more than anything right now, you need you to keep going. Everything else has felt like its slipped through our fingers, but you are still here. You are the thing that remains. Right now, you need you to keep going. You need you to not give up on yourself.