Unsplash | David Lezcano
If you're a self help junkie like me, you've been there, done that.
Read the books. Brene Brown, Rachel Hollis, Elizabeth Gilbert.
Listened to the podcasts. Jay Shetty, Tim Ferris, Lewis Howes.
Made rules for things you don't do. No dessert during the week.
Created routines and habits for things you do do. Alarm clock set for 5am.
Tracked this and logged that. I'm almost to my 10,000 steps today.
Tried something crazy someone you admired did. Early morning cold showers anyone? (I still haven't tried that one because it may just be that crazy).
But more than anything you have something inside of you that REFUSES TO BE AVERAGE.
Now of course, this refusal to be average is great and helps us reach our biggest goals. Wanting to be get better and be better is attractive to people and employers.
But at what point have you pushed too hard to be better? What is being better and when is it enough?
I would say I've been on this journey to "be better," or what I would call my "wellness journey," for about 2.5 years now. I hit rock bottom mentally and I knew I needed to be better.
I consumed all the self help content I could and did as much as I could to apply it to my life. However, I reached a point of consuming so much that it did not lead me to being better, but being hard on myself and anxious that I was always doing the wrong thing.
I entered self help burnout.
I'm still not sure when exactly it happened, but I know I felt it. I was, and still catch myself, on this continuous hamster wheel of wanting to get better and it can become exhausting.
So where is the boundary where the constant need to be better becomes too much?
I'm not sure if that boundary will ever be super clear, but there are a couple of questions that help me stay aligned to still moving forward with my personal growth, but not reach the point of burnout.
How can I get just 1% better today?
Not 150% better, but 1% better. Sometimes we put this expectation on ourselves that our growth in our careers, relationships, or physical body needs to be fast and exponential. This expectation can become unrealistic to the point where we don't appreciate even the 1% growth we made. If we are getting just 1% better every day, that is still growing.
Did I do my best today?
Your best means giving it all you got without diminishing your mental or physical health. Your best means putting forth the effort you know you can and being content with the result no matter what. Your best is enough and you know when you put it forth. That is something to be proud of.
How can I give myself grace today?
When I take friends to yoga for the first time, I tell them that you need to have confidence that you can do the pose, and grace when you know your body cannot. I translate that to a lot of other parts of my life. We need to know that we can do anything, but we aren't going to be able to do everything. We need to have grace for ourselves.
Is this actually serving me or am I doing this because this is what "better" people do?
We are on social media all the time getting tips from the people we find successful or that we admire. They tell us to wake up before the sun or do some crazy diet. It is worth trying out these things that worked for them, but if you realize it isn't serving you, than it is no longer worth doing. You will be one of those "better" people by doing the things that serve you.
I embrace the fact that there will always be something inside of me that refuses to be average. The key is making sure that we are using that drive to do what serves us and not what burns us out. So be 1% better, do your best, give a little grace, and be a better you.