3 Ways To Become The Person Who Shows Up Calmly To The Meeting

If you think about the past few meetings you’ve had, what type of person were you?

Person 1:

Rushed to the meeting, showing up late because the last one ran over, still thinking about the last meeting, trying to remember what this meeting is about, you see your phone blowing up with notifications that haven’t been answered

Person 2:

Showed up relatively on time, ready to go over the agenda, feeling present, will check phone when meeting is over so you aren’t distracted, feeling good because you aren’t frazzled and ready to make decisions with a clear mind

A lot of us are person 1, but want to become person 2.

How do we go from rushed & frazzled to calm & collected (even when there is a lot going on)?

3 things to think about:

1) Create a transition

Let’s admit…

The efficient person in us likes to schedule meetings back to back.

And while it may look like the back to back meetings fit nicely on our little calendars, it can make us feel rushed and frazzled.

I challenge you to create a transition between the meetings.

• If possible, put a buffer time between meetings

• If that doesn’t seem possible, before you walk into a meeting, take a breath or go to the bathroom

Create some type of transition that allows you to collect yourself.

This can be the difference between you showing up frazzled vs. calm, collected, and viewed as sound decision maker.

2) Silence notifications

When we have back to back meetings, it can be hard enough to be present, let alone what our phone is doing.

I challenge you to ask yourself…

“How can I be as present as possible?”

That likely includes silencing your notifications or not looking at your phone during meetings 

The pings and dings distract us from what is happening right in front of us.

Who knows, you could miss putting your input into a decision because you weren’t completely present for.

Show up in a way you can be proud of!

3) Morning grounding

If we start the day running around frantic, we are kind of setting the tone for the rest of the day.

BUT if we start the day feeling grounded, clear-minded, and confident, that could spill into the rest of the day.

Create some type of morning grounding.

Some ideas could be

• Journaling

• Walking

• Meditation or a few deep breaths

Time to collect your thoughts, decide how you want to show up that day, and have a moment of peace.

We all know we may not get it the rest of the day.

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If you’re feeling like you’re just rushing around all day everyday, you don’t have to live that way!

Let’s chat about morning routine or time management coaching and make the calm, collected version of you come to life!

The Moment I Knew Things Needed To Change

January 20, 2020

I had just returned from a long weekend trip to Boston and I felt completely out of control.

• I didn’t like who I was.

• I didn’t like how I was feeling.

• I felt like a blob.

I think we are supposed to feel refreshed after a trip right?!

While the trip was fun, I’d…

• Been around people 24/7

• Woke up & immediately rushed around the whole day

• Didn’t have a moment to breathe

I almost thought am I so high maintenance and stuck in my routines that I can’t handle 3 days of this?!

Before the trip, I was getting up and journaling most mornings to just say to myself…

“Hi you’re here, this is who you’re, this is what you feel, and this is what you want”

It was like this secret, 5-min weapon each morning getting me through the day and making me feel like I was in control my life.

I had been doing it for so long that I reached the point of what it felt like to not do it.

While I could survive not journaling, I was stronger with it.

So on January 20, 2020, I journaled and have every day since.

(Good timing as you know what those next few months looked like)

Journaling had become my:

• Landing pad for hard times

• Springboard for bigger things

• Home away from home wherever I was

So as I arrive on 4 years of consecutive journaling, I share this with you to challenge you to…

1. Find a small way to check-in with yourself each day

2. Make it your secret weapon that makes you stronger

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Maybe you’ve already had THAT moment like I did that kicked your morning routine or checking-in into gear.

BUT if you haven’t and you don’t want to wait for that “kick in the butt” moment, let’s chat about getting your morning routine going!

3 Things You Don’t See In Those Morning Routine Videos

“What does your ideal morning look like?”

This is a question I ask my morning routine clients when we start working together…

…and the response I get is pretty much the same from everyone:

• Wake up at 5am

• No snoozing or rushing

• Journal & meditate

• Workout

This is great, but I can’t help but think this common response is because of the “perfect morning routine” we see on social media.

I love these videos, but there are 3 things we may not be seeing:

1) They likely have a sleep buffer.

Have you seen the videos where the girl wakes up at 5am and is up and moving by 5:05am?

While some people may actually be able to do this, a lot of us need time to slowly wake up (and that’s ok)!

The solution: a sleep buffer

When planning your morning routine, it’s ok to give yourself a “sleep buffer” of about 15 mins to slowly wake-up and adjust to the day.

This is a realistic, happy medium plan of not hitting snooze a bunch of times, but giving yourself the time you need to leisurely get up.

One of our goals is to not rush in the morning right?

Here’s your permission to not rush out of bed :)

2) They didn’t start waking up at 5am right away.

I bet most people in the videos didn’t go from waking up at 7am to waking up at 5am.

They likely started as a beginner too and made their way up to an earlier time.

If you’re trying to wake up earlier, challenge yourself in 15 or 30 minute increments.

Prove to yourself that you can do it, and then add more!

The goal is to build a SUSTAINABLE morning routine, not one you burnout from.

3) They’re showing you THEIR morning routine, not the standard for a perfect one.

When we’re constantly bombarded with videos of other people’s morning routines, we start to think that’s the standard for what perfect looks like.

Think about it:

• Morning routine videos

• What I eat in a day videos

• Makeup videos

(This is also why when I give talks, I don’t lead with “this my morning routine” to not set the expectation of what perfect looks like)

So I challenge you:

What does YOUR perfect morning routine look like?

• Does it involve drinking coffee & reading (and not working out)?

• Does it involve waking up at 7am (and not 5am)?

Get specific and think about what YOU want!

Like Taylor’s Version, take back your routine and write YOUR version!

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This isn’t to knock the morning routine videos because we all know they’re cute and inspirational!

But I want to challenge you to:

1. Be realistic about your morning routine plan

2. Give yourself grace and work your way to earlier in a sustainable way

3. Build YOUR version of a morning routine & redefine what perfect looks like

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Want help building YOUR version of a morning routine! Let’s chat about it!

What I Learned From Deleting Social Media for 2 Weeks

Sara Kurfeb

I did an experiment where I deleted all social media apps off my phone for 2 weeks while I was on vacation with my family.

Here is what I learned.

I loved it.

It made me more present when we were out and about. My brain felt like it was fully there.

I only accessed social media from my computer when I happened to have some downtime at night and it felt like a more intentional way to use social media.

I hated it.

I felt disconnected from the rest of the world as it wasn’t at my fingertips. It is crazy how I’ve grown to feel the need to be connected to the world at all times.

I was also reminded that social media is a place where you can connect with like-minded people quickly and cure some of that intellectual loneliness where you think, am I the only person that thinks and feels this way?

This experiment reminded me to ask, what is my goal?

My brain works in an all or nothing mindset and can be very restrictive sometimes when it comes to going after goals.

So the next time I want to make a sustainable lifestyle change, I can ask, what is my goal?

I’m finding most of the time, it isn’t to limit something completely or use it excessively.

It is to do things more intentionally or in moderation. And that can help me start aligning my actions to my goals.

I Read A Book About Getting Sober

Recently, I finished reading Not Drinking Tonight: A Guide to Creating A Sober Life You Love by Amanda E. White (@therapyforwomen).

I did not read this with the intention of getting sober, but to explore my relationship with alcohol.

I grew up in a family that drinks and is always ready to throw the next killer football tailgate.

I went to college in the middle of cornfields, where some may argue that the only activity there was to drink.

After college and coming into the adult world, I noticed even more how ingrained drinking was in our culture. Meeting friends or going on dates usually involved going to get a drink.

I wouldn’t say I had a problem with drinking, but I considered what if I did it less?

I was willing to pick up White’s book because she wasn’t saying “You have to get sober.”

She wanted you to consider “Would your life be better without alcohol?”

This question seemed graceful for my perfectionist brain and was what I asked myself throughout the whole book.

Here were a few takeaways that really stuck out to me.

We don’t have to be either sober or an alcoholic.

She explains in the book that sometimes we feel like we have to be 1 or the other.

We don’t have to put a label on it and we can just start being intentional about the choices we make. We don’t have to live in 1 extreme or the other if we don’t want to.

Identifying the costs & payoffs of drinking and not drinking.

There is an exercise she has you do in the middle of the book to write down the costs and payoffs of drinking and not drinking.

It is eye-opening when you actually write it down.

When you evaluate everything from how it makes you feel the next day, the cost, the logistics, and your interactions with other people. Definitely a powerful exercise.

There are options to socialize sober.

A lot of times when I’m socializing with friends, it isn’t necessarily that I want an alcoholic drink, but I feel like I need a drink in my hand.

One option White mentions is ordering a mocktail.

I could see myself ordering the cocktail that comes in the fancy glass without the alcohol and still enjoy myself. I’ve also started to notice some places have non-alcoholic beers as an option on their menu.

White also mentions that some big cities have sober bars now.

I have never heard of this, but I know one is opening in Columbus very soon and am interested to check it out.

I have a feeling this business idea will start catching on as health and wellness becomes more important to people.

Plan 24 hours in advance if you’re going to drink.

If you’re looking to moderate, White gives this tip so you have the chance to make the intentional decision to drink, instead of drinking due to a trigger.

I really liked this because it is easy to have a drink because someone else did, because it’s nice out, or you had a long day and you want to use it as a tool to unwind.

Deciding in advance that I’m going to drink can help me remove the possible shame from drinking and decide that I want it because I want it, and not for another reason.

We aren’t looking for a drink, we are looking for a moment.

White quotes author Holly Whitaker who says, “...sometimes we don’t actually want a drink, we want a moment.”

This blew my mind because it is so true for me.

I sometimes just want to be outside on a patio with friends, drink out of a fancy glass, go to a place with a cool atmosphere, or do something to unwind.

And really, none of these have to involve alcohol if I don’t want them too.

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So where does this leave me?

After I read the book, I kind of felt the self-inflicted pressure to be sober.

But I keep coming back to these takeaways and they have helped me re-evaluate my relationship with alcohol in a graceful way.

So I am not sober, but more so seeing what drinking in moderation looks like.

As White puts it, I want to continue to explore… would my life be better without alcohol?

Do You Have A Mental Health Routine?

George Pagan III

I struggled for a long time understanding what taking care of your mental health looked like.

Something that helped me was thinking about it like this.

Just like we go to the gym for our physical health, we can make time to go to the mental gym.

Options

For your physical health, you have options like lifting weights, yoga, running, etc. and you pick the thing that feels good to you.

For your mental health, you have options that help you check in like journaling, therapy, a walk, or sitting quietly with your coffee. You can pick which one of those feels good to you.

Planning a Time

When you’re planning your physical workouts, you have an idea of when is the best time to workout based on your schedule and when you have the energy to do it.

For your mental health, you can do the same thing. You can plan a time you’re going to check in with yourself based on your schedule and when you want to slow down.

Consistency

For your physical health, you have seen that you get stronger and healthier the more consistently you workout. You aren’t just strong automatically after 1 workout.

For your mental health, the same thing happens. The more consistently you make time and be intentional about showing up for your mental health, the stronger it becomes.

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Just like the physical gym, the mental gym routine starts when we simplify the task, make a plan, and start taking action.

Invincible vs. Resilient

Becca Tapert

Do you ever get annoyed that you’re sad about something? Annoyed that you’re mad about something? Annoyed that you’re basically feeling emotion.

For me, it comes from this pressure to be strong or be invincible.

It's like be so strong that you don’t get thrown off your rocker or have any emotion.

Here is what I remind myself in these moments.

I am not invincible, but I am resilient.

I am allowed to bend and I won’t break.

I am allowed to feel all the feels, and then move forward.

But I don’t think the resiliency to get up and move forward happens overnight. It has to be built.

Resilience is built when we continually choose to show up for ourselves. When we say each day “today I’m going to do something to take care of myself.”

Then when a tough time or emotion does come, we feel more capable of taking it on and moving forward.

You aren’t invincible, but you are resilient.

My Love/Hate Relationship with Pinterest

Fahim Reza

I have a love/hate relationship with Pinterest.

Remember in high school when you show the hair stylist a picture from Pinterest of what you want your prom hair to look like and it ends up looking nothing like that.

Remember in college when you design your dorm room based on what you saw on Pinterest.

Then as an adult, you attempt to make the most perfect dessert to take to a family gathering and it turns out nothing like that.

You would think I would learn by this point, but I have to remind myself often that Pinterest and the internet are for inspiration, not a copy paste.

I got to take the inspiration and make it my own. Plus what I design myself could be better than the Pinterest because I’ve made it my own.

What Happened When I Got Off Hormonal Birth Control

Reproductive Health Supplies Coalition

*This article is an account of 1 person’s experience and is not intended to provide medical advice. Please consult a professional and do your research before starting or stopping any medical treatment.

Starting Hormonal Birth Control

I started taking hormonal birth control when I was 21.

I felt late to the game relative to many of my friends who had started in high school or early college. Many of them started using it due to painful cramps, acne, wanting birth control, or never getting their period naturally.

Since it seemed like everyone was on it and I was in the middle of my college years, I thought it would be a good idea to start taking it for birth control.

After talking to my OB, we decided that Nuvaring was best for me.

I loved it. I would leave this small ring filled with hormones in me for 3 weeks, take it out for 1 week, and then put a new one in. Low maintenance.

My periods were very regular and I had peace of mind that I was using birth control.

It was a habit that I adopted that I didn’t really think too much about.

Exploring the Other Options

Fast forward, I’m 25 years old and I’ve been on the ring for 4 years.

In this 4 year time, I started to really be interested in finding what worked for my mental and physical wellness for the stage of life I was in.

I started to become curious and aware of the options that were out there, including for birth control.

1 option I learned about was the fertility awareness method (FAM).

It is a non-hormonal, natural approach where you use different body indicators to track where you are in your cycle for the purpose of birth control or trying to conceive. Body indicators include waking body temperature, cervical mucus, cervix position, along with a few other things.

It is not to be mistaken for some apps that guess when you ovulate solely based on when you get your period. 

With FAM, you use your body indicators to know exactly when you ovulate. 

I learned that this is important to know because a few days before ovulation and a few days after ovulation is considered your “fertile window” and is when you would practice birth control (either with a physical barrier or something else). All other days of your cycle, there is a very low to no chance that you will get pregnant.

This was the most shocking thing I learned throughout this experience. I thought every single day of your cycle you could get pregnant, but it is only in your fertile window.

I was also shocked that I didn’t know about FAM before as it was never presented to me as an option for birth control in any health class growing up.

I asked some friends if they had heard of it and some who went to catholic high school said they had been taught it. It sounded like it was an option that was presented to them so they would stay away from the use of hormonal birth control and align with the catholic beliefs.

I was intrigued by FAM as I was continuously looking for ways to be more in tune with my body. I felt like my body was just running like a machine and didn’t really know what was going on with it.

After a lot of research, reading books, and talking with a fertility awareness specialist, I decided to stop taking hormonal birth control and start using FAM.

Don’t get me wrong, I was so nervous to do this. I read everything I could and talked to whoever I could talk to about it.

But I knew this was a step I wanted to take for myself.

Stopping Hormonal Birth Control

I was so nervous to get off hormonal birth control so I decided not to do it alone.

I ended up joining a group led by fertility awareness educator Nina Boyce to support women as they went off birth control.

We would review each other’s temperature charts, how to distinguish cervical mucus, share other body indicators people were using, and how we were feeling as we got off of the hormones.

And wow did I need someone to talk to.

Getting off birth control was HARD. All caps needed.

My body freaked out when I got off.

I would go through a rollercoaster of ups and downs as I went throughout my cycle. I would feel the worst when I was transitioning from getting off my period to my estrogen rising up. 

My body did not like that it was trying to do my cycle naturally.

The first 3 months were really rough. Mostly anxiety and freak outs about what I was doing with my life.

I leaned a lot on Nina’s support group, my therapist, and close loved ones.

I questioned whether I wanted to continue to be off it.

The people I talked to that had gotten off hormonal birth control had gone through similar feelings. It made me feel like maybe I wasn’t crazy.

I learned that it can take awhile, depending on your body, to get the hormonal birth control completely out of your system.

Since I already had made it through the first 3 months, I decided to keep going.

And I’m so glad I did.

What Happened When I Stayed Off

1 of my FAM charts on the Read Your Body app. Everyone’s is going to look different.

As I got into months 4, 5, and 6, my body started to adjust to being off it and started to feel a lot better.

Even though I had experienced anxiety in months 1-3 of being off hormonal birth control, now my anxiety was significantly down compared to what it was when I was on hormonal birth control. Noticeably different.

Anxiety was something I struggled with over the years and I can’t help but think that maybe the hormonal birth control was heightening it. I hope there are some professionals that look into this possible correlation in the future.

Another big thing I noticed getting off hormonal birth control is that my intuition became stronger than ever. That might sound “woo-woo” to people, but our inner knowing guides us throughout a lot of our life.

For the past few years, I really didn’t trust myself to make decisions. I overanalyzed everything and didn’t think I was capable of making the best choices.

Getting off hormonal birth control, I started having a clearer head and was less foggy. There is no other way to explain it than that. When you can trust yourself, that can make you feel like you can do anything.

A few other observations I made were my libido was higher, I was very in tune with my body, and FAM was reinforcing me to take care of myself.

I learned that our bodies and cycles are sensitive to any change in sleep, alcohol use, sickness, travel, etc. Any time I wouldn’t sleep well or drink a lot the night before, I wouldn’t just not feel great, I could see the effects on my FAM chart.

FAM reinforced the importance of having a routine and taking care of myself, as it would show in the data if I wasn’t.

You Get to Choose & You Can Change Your Mind

I’ve been off hormonal birth control for 10 months now.

Throughout this whole experience, I felt empowered to know I had options.

I don’t think I would have used FAM while I was in college as it wouldn’t have fit well with the lifestyle I was living at the time.

Now, I feel FAM is the right option for me as it caters to the more routine and healthy lifestyle I have right now.

Who knows, maybe my lifestyle will change and I’ll decide to go back on hormonal birth control.

What feels the most empowering is to know that there are options and we can pick the method that fits us for this season of life, even if that is different from what we’ve done before or what everyone else is doing around us.

FAM resources I recommend:

Book: Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler

Instagram: nourishedwithnina and themaddiemiles

Podcasts: Healing Hormones and Peace.Love.Hormones.

App: Read Your Body

How I Do My Monthly Check-In

Towfiqu Barbhuiya

When you get to the end of the month, a lot of the time it feels like where did the time go, where did my money go, or what am I doing with my life?

To come back to center, here is something I enjoy doing at the end of each month.

Grab a piece of paper or a journal and take 10 minutes to write down reflections and intentions.

Write reflections for the past month.

This could be a bulleted list of things you did, things you’re proud of, or worked hard on. It is a moment to find some gratitude.

Then write intentions for the month ahead.

How do you want your time to be spent? Who do you want to spend time with? What does progress look like to you?

Then throughout the month if I ever have one of those days where I don’t know what I’m doing with my life, I come back to my intentions. It gives me clarity and confidence on what I am doing with my life.

Is There A Healthy Amount of Not Caring

Brett Jordan

I’m definitely a perfectionist, a go-getter, and sometimes I just care a little too much.

I’m trying to figure out, what is the healthy level of not caring?

When there are a lot of problems at work, at what point do I just have to let it go and try again the next day so I can enjoy my evening?

When I don’t get the positive response I was hoping for from the video I posted or work presentation I made, what is the healthy amount of taking feedback, but also not taking it personally?

When my face doesn’t look as clear as it usually does like it does today, how do I not let this thing I’m self conscious about stop me from feeling confident going places or posting videos like I do?

I think there are 3 questions that can help give myself permission to care a little less.

Am I being considerate of others and following through on the promises I made?

Most of the time you probably are, so you aren’t letting anyone else down.

Have I done all the things that are in my control?

Most of the time you have and that means we gotta let the things out of our control go.

Does this 1 thing that is making me upset determine my overall happiness or keep me from moving forward?

This is the question that helps me let go a little, take care of my mental health, and find gratitude in the things that are bringing happiness to my life.

When Social Media Makes You Feel Behind

Georgia de Lotz

Social media has been such a great way to connect and keep up with people’s lives, but I think there is 1 aspect that is really hard to overcome.

I’m 26. When I open my social media I see people getting engaged, married, buying houses, having babies, and starting businesses.

I am so happy for people when I see this, but if I’m being real, it makes me feel behind.

It’s like “dang why don’t I have that? What the heck am I doing wrong?”

A couple of things I’ve been reminding myself in these moments:

The path the person had to take to get to where they’re might not have been as easy as you think.

People could have waited, prayed, manifested, and worked their butts off for years to make that happen, but we are only seeing the shiny result. Remember there was probably a long process and a lot of struggle to get to that point.

Asking myself are those the things I actually want right now?

Engagement, marriage, babies, am I even ready for that? Sure we want it someday, but no need to get down on ourselves when we aren’t mentally ready for it right now.

If I do want those shiny things eventually, know that I’m on the path to get there and I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be right now.

It doesn’t matter where you’re on the path or how fast you’re moving, as long as you’re on it.

If you don’t feel like you’re on the path, what is a small step you can take to get you to where you want to go?

What is Helping Me Grieve

Aejaz Memon

I was reminded recently of the power of a morning routine, especially during a time of loss, a breakup, or when life hits us hardest.

Like when I lost my grandfather in February 2022.

The morning after his passing, I woke up and I had to remind myself that it happened.

This continued on for the next couple mornings. The alarm went off, I woke up, and I have to remember all over again.

I thought how am I possibly supposed to get out of bed when I’m dealing with this heartache?

Something that did get me out of bed was my morning routine.

Making some coffee and sitting down with my journal is my usual go-to.

So that is what I did.

Having a morning routine setup helped me in 2 ways:

Gave me the scheduled time to grieve & check in with myself

I’ve noticed that depending on the day, it can either feel like there is a lot of time in the day to grieve or none at all.

Utilizing my morning routine as a check in on how I was doing was powerful. It gave me space and created a boundary at the same time.

My morning routine became a place to land softly.

Gave me the 1st step to take for the day

We don’t need to know what the whole day is going to look like, just what is the first thing to do.

Having the 1st thing in my back pocket made me feel like there was purpose in the day when I felt a little lost.

Usually after I do the 1st thing, it becomes apparent what the next thing is and the next thing is after that.

My morning routine became the springboard for the rest of the day.

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This isn’t to say a morning routine is going to fix all my sadness I’m feeling.

But having one setup already made me feel empowered when the hard times did hit.

I can keep it simple too. Sitting with a cup of coffee, journaling, a meditation, a prayer, or a walk.

A morning routine helped me feel equipped to go from “this really sucks right now” to “I’m capable of moving forward.”

How to Create Soft Landings for Yourself

Antoine Martin

Whenever I’ve told someone about a big change I’ve made in my life, my favorite response I’ve gotten is “wishing you soft landings.”

I love that phrase. Soft landings.

It is like being applauded for jumping off the cliff, but wishing you the best that you don’t fall hard.

When we make a big jump, we don’t really know if it is going to be a hard or soft landing.

I think back to my gymnastics days when I would do a tumbling pass and wasn’t always sure how I was going to land.

I think about when I was interviewing for new jobs and you really don’t know how the job is going to be until you get into it.

There are things out of our control that make us not know how things are going to end up or how we are going to land.

But I think there is a way to make the landings softer.

For gymnastics, you can bring some extra mats out and train yourself to bend your knees when you land so that the impact isn’t so hard.

In job interviews, you can talk to as many people as you can and do your research to get more information if the company culture is right for you.

Doing these things doesn’t guarantee we are going to land softly, but how do we make it more likely?

It comes down to having habits and people set up for yourself before you even jump.

Doesn’t mean you have to wait for your life to be perfect to jump, but having some things already set in place can make the landings a little softer and less scary.

Here are a few things that have helped me land softer and have made me more likely to jump.

Journaling

This is the first soft landing I ever put in place for myself.

When I started journaling over 4 years ago, it was to have a place for my thoughts, feelings, hopes, and fears to land. Journaling still serves that purpose for me today.

It is a place to challenge myself to write out whatever I’m thinking without judgment. Some of my biggest decisions, ideas, and realizations have come from sitting down to write in my journal for just 5 minutes.

Morning Routine

Morning Routines have been a soft landing for me because even when things are tough or uncertain, I still know how I’m going to start the day.

You just have to start, and everything else will come after.

Having a few simple tasks that I do every morning helps me at least get out of bed and puts some control back in my life when it can feel like there isn’t any.

Support System

This comes down to what I talked about in this blog post about letting people know what is going on in your life so that they know how to support you when you do jump.

As I reflect on some of the big changes I’ve made, I picture myself jumping off a cliff, my family catching me, and then lightly setting me on my feet. I question, and am slightly convinced, that I would have hit the ground without their support.

Therapy

I’ve found it helpful to not only talk to people in your life about what is going on, but talk to an outside person that does not have as much stake in your life.

My therapist is that person for me.

She can ask the hard questions without me wondering if she is guiding me to an answer that fits her agenda or caters to her opinion. Her agenda is to have an open conversation and give me tools that make me feel capable of taking on whatever it is in my life.

I almost think of therapists as “professional cliff catchers.”

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As you can maybe tell, it isn’t about what the jump is or how you make it.

It is about what habits and support systems you can set up for yourself so that no matter what or how or when you jump, you know you will be capable of landing softly.

How I Found A Meditation Practice That Works For Me

Katerina Jerabkova

We could probably set a record for how many times we’ve heard about the benefits of meditation.

I don’t know about you, but I could probably set a higher record for the amount of times I’ve tried creating a meditation practice and quit it.

Meditation is not as easy as sitting there with your eyes closed quietly. I’ve found it does not come naturally to the busy bee or the impatient.

I’ve tried doing 5 minute meditations on my own.

I’ve tried using the Calm or Headspace apps and they got me a little further along.

During my yoga teacher training, I tried sitting in different postures and using different props to see if calming my body would calm my mind. That got me a little closer too.

But I just couldn’t get a meditation practice to stick.

It wasn’t until I did my reiki training that I was getting somewhere.

Reiki is a Japanese healing method that consists of a transfer of universal energy. A reiki practitioner will place their palms on or above a client and transfer the universal energy with the goal of getting the client’s cells to vibrate at a higher frequency. When your cells vibrate at a higher frequency, a person can become less susceptible to illness, disease, depression, etc.

This was a training I did during my yoga teacher training as reiki is a method some yoga teachers use during their classes. I was intrigued by the practice.

The way I describe it to people who have never heard of reiki is that it is like getting a hug from someone you love and that loving energy being transferred to you. A reiki practitioner or master doesn’t have any more magical power than anyone else, but is trained to transfer the energy in an intentional way.

So I started doing reiki on myself. I would sit straight and tall, and place 1 hand on my heart and 1 heart on my belly, breathe deeply into my hands, and I would send the universal energy to myself.

I’ll admit I was skeptical about reiki at first, but I found my mind starting to quiet for the first time.

I was amazed.

I thought why was reiki working for me, but meditation wasn’t? Are meditation and reiki the same?

It depends on how you look at it. Some would say they’re the same and some would say there are a world of differences, and I’m not here to debate the contrast.

I’ve learned that it isn’t about saying you’re doing meditation or saying you’re doing reiki, but it’s about finding something that works for you.

I wanted to quiet my mind and I found a way to do it.

I think we get tripped up about doing a method, like meditation, “correctly.”

It isn’t about what you’re doing, but the intent behind it. Both meditation and reiki are ways to help my body, mind, soul, increase the vibrations in my body, and create stillness.

One of my favorite authors, Brene Brown, shares her definition of stillness in her book The Gifts of Imperfection. Maybe it resonates with you too.

“Stillness is not about focusing on nothingness, it’s about creating a clearing. It’s opening up an emotionally clutter-free space and allowing ourselves to feel and think and dream and question.”

For more information on reiki, I recommend checking out this website or this book. Both resources were created by my reiki master, Cortney Martinelli.

Why I Haven’t Gone Vegan

Tangerine Newt

I recently watched the documentary The Game Changers on Netflix.

It is about how switching to a plant-based diet significantly increased athletes’ performance. They interviewed cyclists, runners, ultimate fighters, weight-lifters, football players, and many more, both men and women.

The film also talked about the benefits athletes and non-athletes could get from eating plant-based foods like thinner blood to reduce blood clots, feeling better, having more energy, etc.

They used the term “plant-based'' throughout the entire film, and I wondered why they didn’t just say vegan. 

After some research, I found out a plant-based diet is eating mostly food that comes from plants, whereas a vegan is someone who strictly does not eat any animal products. It was a testament that you can learn new things from watching Netflix. And if you haven’t watched the documentary, I highly recommend it.

As someone who is curious about wellness and experiments with different methods to improve my life, switching to vegetarian, vegan, or plant-based diets are things I haven’t tried.

I’ve kind of beaten myself up for not trying a different diet to be honest, and watching this film convinced me even more that it is something I should be doing since there are so many health benefits.

I feel this pressure. I feel this pressure to do anything and everything to improve my overall health because this is something I care about.

But there is pressure to do a lot of things.

Do the right exercise, eat the right thing, do the best skincare routine, drink enough water, take these supplements, do this therapy, meditate, journal, and the list goes on and on.

It can feel like if I’m not doing everything, then I’m doing nothing.

Of course that is not true, but the self-inflicted pressure tells me so, and not to mention social media or businesses that market their products.

Maybe the pressure is even made up in our heads.

I remember during my yoga teacher training, we were having a potluck and everyone was saying what they would be bringing. A lot of people were bringing vegan this, gluten free that, and zero-sugar dessert.

I started to worry that I did not fit in with this group and never would because I didn’t follow any of these things.

When we got to the potluck, we came to find out that maybe 1 person in the room was vegan.

People started speaking up and said they just assumed since we were operating in this yoga world, that everyone ate these diets. We were succumbing to the stereotype that being interested in yoga also means that you’re vegan, even though many of us didn’t fit that mold.

This showed me that even yogis, who I, and maybe some of you do too, view as some of the healthiest people, aren’t doing every single healthy thing.

Watching this film and having these experiences has made me think about that with all the health and lifestyle changes I’ve made in my life, why hasn’t going vegan made it into the mix?

I think there are 3 reasons.

I need a strong interest that stands out amongst the noise.

I make time to workout because it is something that makes me feel really good and strong.

I make time to journal in the morning because it starts my day with a good mindset.

I’m also thinking about the amount of sleep I’m getting, how much water I’m drinking, balancing my stress level, along with many other things

Going vegan is not something that has risen above my other interests at this time.

Doesn’t mean I don’t care about my health, but I try to remember I’m contributing to it in other ways.

Also doesn’t mean veganism could never be a way.

It takes the time and energy to understand what veganism looks like for me, the willingness to try it, and see the effects it has.

I integrated working out and journaling into my life by taking very small steps. 

If going vegan is something I became really interested in, I could take the small steps to make it happen.

We are also trying to take care of our mental health here people, and if we don’t have the mental capacity to take on lifestyle changes at this time, then are they truly making us healthier?

I need the perspective of abundance and not restriction.

For a long time I’ve viewed having a certain diet as restricting myself from certain foods.

In my experience, having a restriction mindset over an abundance mindset has not driven me to make certain health and lifestyle changes.

“Don’t eat sugar” has not helped me not eat sugar.

“Don’t be on your phone so much” has not helped me not be on my phone.

Those mindsets may have lasted for a day, but they weren’t sustainable.

The times I saw actual change were when I saw what the health or lifestyle choice could do for me, and not what it was keeping me from.

When it comes to going vegan, I would need the perspective that “I get to eat foods that are really going to help my body” instead of “I have to restrict myself from eating all these other foods.”

I need an environment that supports the lifestyle (or the ability to overcome the environment).

When I was watching this documentary, I continually wondered how people who eat a plant-based diet balance the aspect of social eating?

This is probably one of the biggest reasons I haven’t switched to a diet other than the one that I’m on. I am a social eater that wants to eat what is served at social events.

I know that there are now plenty of vegetarian and vegan options out there at restaurants and grocery stores.

However, currently no one I spend time with is vegetarian or vegan, so I’m concerned I would be a burden to them if I am. Although, that could be something I’ve convinced myself of and could not be true.

I think about that with dating too. Can you date someone that had a different diet than you? Some people could, some probably could not.

This is when your “why” of doing things truly gets tested. When you’re in an environment that is the opposite of the lifestyle you’re trying to live.

Although I know it is possible to make changes and sustain change on your own, it convinces me that being in an environment that supports your lifestyle would make you much more likely to sustain it.

So will I ever try being vegetarian, vegan, or plant-based? Maybe someday. There are other health and lifestyle choices I have more of an interest in at this time.

I like to think that if I’m doing what I can to stay healthy, then that is better than doing nothing at all.

There is always going to be the “next healthy thing” to do, but I think staying open to taking the small, manageable steps to being healthy can make a big difference.

Is there an aspect of health you’ve felt pressure to integrate into your life? Let me know in the comments.

Does Work Affect Your Mental Health or Does Your Mental Health Affect Your Work?

Liz Fosslien

The other day I got into a dilemma.

Someone at work messaged me if I could meet at 4pm tomorrow to discuss a project with some upper-level leadership.

I looked at my calendar and saw I had a virtual therapy session scheduled at that time.

I was torn. I knew I really needed this therapy session due to some personal and work things going on, and appointments aren’t the easiest to come by.

I also knew that we did need to have this meeting soon and I’m not necessarily one to say no to upper-level management. Work, however, does have a protocol to only have meetings between the hours of 9am-4pm, and only have meetings after hours if it is absolutely necessary.

So I asked myself, is this considered “necessary?”

It was a true test of boundaries and work/life balance.

It made me start to consider, is work or mental health more important here? Does work affect our mental health or does our mental health affect our work?

What should we be taking care of first? Maybe it is a “chicken or the egg come first” situation where you could argue both.

There have been times where work has been so frustrating or demanding, and has required early mornings or later hours where it does affect my mental health. And I know I am not alone in that.

When I talk to some of my friends, I am thankful for my situation because they’re working very late nights, weekends, and sometimes on their paid time off. Many of them say a requirement for the next job they get is to have something with more work/life balance.

On the other side of the coin, there have been times where my mental health is not in a good place where I can’t bring myself to be present at work and put in the level of effort and attention that is required for it. I know I am not alone in this too.

Especially with work from home, our personal and professional lives are tied together more than ever. Lack of sleep, family obligations, the covid uncertainty, and overall mental health issues that many people are experiencing can affect our work.

So what should truly come first, work or our mental health?

I think you can be devoted to both and have a balance, but it requires setting some boundaries, which is not always easy. Maybe it also requires caring less about work. Sounds crazy, but stay with me.

In Liz Fosslien and Molly Duffy West’s book, No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work, they have a whole chapter on caring less about work.

One excerpt says:

“‘Be less passionate about your job’ doesn’t mean ‘stop caring about work.’ It means care more about yourself. It means carve out time for the people you love, for exercise, and for a guilt-free vacation. It means remind yourself that few people look back at their lives and wish they stayed at the office until 10:00PM.”

I’m someone who has trouble not caring, but much of their book shows you it is possible to be committed to your work, but not sell your soul to it, and still succeed.

Liz Fosslien also has these wonderful and witty illustrations in the book, so if you’re going to read it, I recommend getting the actual book instead of listening to the audio version.

So what did I end up doing with this dilemma I was presented with?

I was transparent with the meeting organizer that I would not be able to attend the meeting because I had a therapy session during that time and appointments are hard to come by. I told her that I will see if I can get it moved to another time and let her know if I would be able to attend the meeting.

I was kind of nervous to say this. I wonder if I would have been as transparent about it if I didn’t have a relationship with the meeting organizer or knew her to be an understanding person. I know at the beginning of my career I would not have shared this.

She came back to say she totally understood and to keep her updated.

A few hours later, I found out from my therapist that something opened up at a different time, so I was able to go to both my therapy session and the meeting that day.

Now things ended up working out for me this time, but I know it is not going to work out like that every time and sometimes I’m going to have to choose between work and mental health.

It makes me think though that whatever action we take now will set the precedent for what others will expect from us in the future.

If we say we will cancel our therapy session to attend the after hours meeting, then others will expect you to do that in the future.

If we respond to emails and chat messages late at night, then others will expect that from you in the future, and maybe even new team members or people that report to you will think that that is the expectation.

If we take care of our mental health so much that it fuels us to go above and beyond in our jobs, then others will expect that from you and build trust in you.

So what comes first for you? Mental health or work? Maybe it depends on what is going on for you personally vs. professionally, or how your company is approaching things.

Let me know in the comments or send me an email how you or your employer is balancing this.

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3 Statements That Stuck with Me After 1 Year of Therapy

NordWood Themes

A year ago, I only told a few trusted people that I had started therapy.

It probably wasn’t until a few months ago that I started writing my therapy appointments on my kitchen calendar. Before, I didn’t want anyone who came into my home to know I was going.

But here I am 1 year into going to therapy and I’m talking to you about it today. Small steps people.

I think these small steps happened because I saw how much of an impact it was making on me over time. It wasn’t something to hide or be ashamed of. It became such a resource for my mental health and I feel so thankful to have found it and had access to it. And accessibility to therapy is something I really want to dive into in a future post.

I wanted to share 3 statements that have stuck with me after 1 year of therapy with the hopes that maybe they could stick with you too.

Can you live with that?

I’ve struggled a lot with wondering if I’m doing the right thing and trusting myself to make decisions.

Something that has helped me live my life with more acceptance and less judgement is asking myself if I can live with a fact or situation.

Whether it’s an aspect of a job, relationship, or home, there are things that we can live with and things we can not. 

Different people can live with or tolerate different things, and doing things differently doesn’t always mean you’re doing it wrong.

Some people can move away from their family so they can pursue their career and some cannot.

Some people can date someone that has a different religion as them and some cannot.

Some people can live with their parents after college and some cannot.

I’ve learned that what you’re doing is not right or wrong, but it is about whether you can live with the fact. And specifically if you can live with it, not someone else. 

Does it matter if people get it?

I’ve used this one when I’ve struggled with caring about what people think. I wish I didn’t care about what people think, but I do and I’m intentionally working on it constantly.

Sometimes I catch myself justifying my decisions to other people so they get it. I want people to understand why I’m doing what I’m doing so that I don’t come off as unintelligent or naive. 

But is everyone in the world going to “get it” or agree with your decision? No.

I’ve learned that is because we come from different experiences and we’ve developed different belief systems based on those experiences.

If not everyone is going to get it, do I need to spend my time explaining myself? Does it matter if certain people get it? Maybe or maybe not.

Each person is going to take what they want from what you’re saying, interpret it themselves, and leave out the rest. This may leave them with a positive outlook or a negative outlook on what you’re saying, but why assume the worst when you could be talking to someone that is in your corner cheering you on?

What makes you better keeps you better.

There have been a couple of times throughout my 1st year of therapy where I’ve considered no longer going because things were getting better or were better.

But just about the time I thought that, I found myself texting my therapist asking if she had an open appointment tomorrow so we could talk through something.

I explained this scenario to her and she said “what makes you better keeps you better.”

It reminded me of the importance of consistency when taking care of yourself. I don’t think it has to be therapy. I think it could be the consistency of working out or eating well or journaling. If it is making us better now, it is likely it will make us better going forward.

Do you have any statements that have stuck with you from going to therapy or talking to a trusted person in your life? Let me hear them in the comments.

My Favorite Personal Development Books That Are Less Than 200 Pages

I'll admit, I'm a self-help nerd.

I find it interesting all the ideas and ways we can better ourselves and development into the person we want to be.

I've read my fair share of personal development books, but I'm specifically drawn to ones that have short, organized chapters that are digestible.

Here are my 3 favorite personal development books that are less than 200 pages.

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

The Four Agreements are agreements you make to yourself.

This was a great book to pick up when I was feeling stuck, doubting myself, or worrying about what people think as it focused on finding personal freedom.

The Four Agreements are be impeccable with your word, don't take anything personally, don't make assumptions, always do your best.

Linking to it here.

How to Not Always Be Working: A Toolkit for Creativity and Radical Self-Care by Marlee Grace

When I was feeling burnt out or uninspired, this was a great book to pick up.

It took me through healing my creativity and time by creating boundaries in my life. This has great journal prompts at the end of each chapter to help me reflect.

The book took me through identifying what is my work, where do I work, what is not my work, what are the gray areas of my work, how to now work when not working, taking a break, and more.

Linking to it here.

The Yamas and Niyamas by Deborah Adele

Although this is a book about yoga's ethical principles, this can be read by non-yogi's as well.

This book was great to focus on developing 1 aspect of myself at a time. It really dives deep into ethical principles I can focus on apply to my own life.

This book took me through nonviolence, truthfulness, nonstealing, nonexcess, nonpossessiveness, purity, contentment, self-discipline, self-study, and surrender.

Linking to it here.

How to Get The Most Out of Your Journal Session

Unsplash | Gabrielle Henderson

If we are going to carve out time in our busy day to sit down at our journal, we have to make it worth it.

Our time is valuable and we want the work we put into our journal to pay off by helping us become more present, confident, and able to dream bigger.

While there is no right way to journal, here are 4 strategies to get the most out of your journal session.

Create an action item for yourself.

You may find yourself writing out a lot of feelings or problems that you're dealing with. Many of us use our journal for that.

While writing down these feelings or problems can be extremely beneficial when processing them, following this up with an action item can allow you to put what you're working through in your journal into practice in real life.

Action items could be:

• An affirmation you're going to start saying to help you change your mindset

• A task you're going to complete to help you get closer to fixing the problem or going after your dream

• A conversation you're going to have to gain more understanding or support in a situation

This can be a challenge to do and can take practice, but many more things happen when a plan is put in place.

Give Yourself Plenty of Time

It can be a challenge to find any time in a day to journal. However, if you were to pick a time, try to pick a moment where you won't feel rushed to get through the entry because you have to be at the next thing on your schedule.

Try to find a moment that you can be in the present and not in the past or future.

A strategy you can try is to give yourself 10 more minutes than you think you will need to journal. This can give you time, space, and permission to work through more thoughts if you want to.

And if you don't use it, you have that extra 10 minutes in your day to breathe.

Limit Distractions

To help you really be able to dive deep into your journal session, try to limit the chance for distractions as much as possible.

Maybe this looks like trying to find a time to be in a room by yourself. Maybe it is having your phone in the other room.

Both of these can seem like a long shot with someone always needing something from us. Try to create an environment for yourself that allows you to tap into thoughts, feelings, and ideas, whatever that may look like.

Not in Same Spot Where You Do Work

This is key. When you journal at the spot where you handle your work responsibilities, your brain is in work mode.

This can mean different things for different people. Journaling in the same spot where you work can lead your brain to see journaling as a task you have to do, something that needs to be a certain way, or needs to be professionally or properly written.

Journaling is a place to do something you want to do and in any way you want to do it. Imperfection encouraged.

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