Part 3 of the Unlearning Perfection series, a short blog series exploring where I first learned about perfection, my 10+ years of gymnastics, and the lessons I’m unlearning now.
I didn't have the ideal gymnastics body.
I was too tall. I had lanky legs and peaked at about 5'7''.
I wasn't naturally flexible. I often was threatened to be sent to the rhythmic gymnastics mats where the girls stretched for half the practice.
My most common critique was "suck your ribs in." I had an unusually concave chest since birth that made my ribs stick out a little too far for the ideal gymnast look. Who knew at 11-years-old you had to be conscious about what your ribs looked like.
There were girls that had the body. They were tiny, flexible, strong, powerful, artistic. I saw them as talented because of the body they had.
That meant I had to work a little harder. I needed to train a little harder to get the ideal body. I needed to train a little harder to get my body to flip on a 4-inch piece of wood, hurl myself over a large stationary object, and have the image that the judges wanted.
I always I had it in mind to stay in gymnastics shape and have the ideal body for it.
Even as I continually reached for the ideal gymnastics body, I didn't feel like I had the ideal teen body either.
You know the cute, pretty girls that were on TV and in magazines. These girls didn't have the arm muscles like I did and that led me to being self conscious. I cringed at every school dance picture I saw because I thought my arms were too big.
I was an expert at picking out the things that were wrong with my body.
But I also knew that I wasn't the only one.
As I watched social media come more into our lives in late high school and into college, I felt like a lot of girls were experts on picking out what was wrong with their body. They didn’t have the same belly or legs as the girls as they saw on Instagram every day so they knew what to pick out as wrong.
The most common phrase I heard in a dressing room or when a friend would try on a cute outfit was "I look huge," before they would ever say anything good about how they looked.
Between gymnastics and being surrounded by this mindset, I'm surprised I didn't have more body issues than I did. And I feel so incredibly thankful for that.
I'm thankful that even though I was in environments that didn't promote the best body image, I wasn't harder on myself because I watched other girls rip their bodies apart.
I'm thankful social media didn't come into play until very late in my teens, which I predict would have created more emphasis on the "ideal" body.
I'm thankful I allowed myself in elementary school to eat a sleeve of Oreos before practice because that is what being a high-metabolism kid is about right?
I'm thankful that gymnastics gave me the tools to know how to train my body and build and tone specific muscles.
I'm thankful that from going through these years of picking out my flaws and watching other girls do the same, I now know that there is no perfect body.
There is just my body that is uniquely mine. A body that has curves and marks that are different than the next girl. A body that is strong and beautiful. A body that is capable of more than I can probably imagine.
Fast forward to now, and while I still catch myself picking out my body's flaws, I'm trying to learn to love what I see in the mirror.
Here are some questions I'm using to help me do that:
Do I give my body the credit it deserves?
Our bodies have been through a lot. Our bodies have worked hard to balance our busy lives while still trying to take care of our health, and that is not an easy feat. Yet, the first thing we see when we look in the mirror is our flaws, instead of how far we've come. Sometimes we don't give credit to making time for workouts or eating foods that give our bodies energy. Sometimes we don’t give love and grace to our bodies that have been through pregnancies, surgeries, injuries, or times of high stress. You have put in the work to take care of your body one way or another, so why not give yourself credit for that?
Am I letting external factors determine if I love my body?
I think sometimes we let the outside world determine if we are going to love our bodies or not. We give power to the number that is on the scale, the jean size we wear, and whether we look like the models on Instagram. If we had none of those external factors, would we still love the bodies we're in? Makes us consider what we, ourselves, love about our bodies instead of what society is telling us to love (or not love) about our bodies.
Is the way I talk about my body the way I would talk to someone I love about their body?
If a loved one said they looked bad, you most likely wouldn't say "yes you do." Instead, you would probably say something to make them feel better or provide a suggestion that would lead them to feeling better. Whether that was suggesting a skin treatment they could try to clear up acne, a different way to wear an outfit that makes it look more flattering on them, or a workout you know of that could make them feel good. What if we were as kind to ourselves as we are to others?
What would make me proud of this body?
Most of the time, I think we feel most proud of our bodies when they're feeling good and functioning properly. We feel like we can take on the world when our body is feeling its best. So what can I do to make my body feel best? That might be is hitting the gym, getting more sleep, seeing a doctor, or having more positive self talk.
I'm realizing that we have this one unique body and this one unique life, and it is just too short to not love it.
I am on the journey to unlearn how to pick out my body's imperfections, so that I can learn to love what I see in the mirror.