A therapeutic letter to my childhood pup that we lost on July 11, 2020.
To My Sampson:
I knew you were leaving soon, but still hard to believe you're gone. I'm not sure if its easier when it is expected. I'm going to say no.
I thought about what I wanted to write about you, as writing is how I let it all out. There is too much to say, yet a lot of it is indescribable.
One easy thing there is to say is that a bond with a dog, and you specifically, was special and can not be replicated with another person.
You were a constant during the changes.
You were there when I graduated high school, college, and when I moved away to start my adult life. You were there for every birthday as we, for some reason, always picked up your 75 pound body so you could see the cake and sing happy birthday too.
In your last months, we unexpectedly got to spend many hours and weeks together as the world was sent into quarantine. You sat with me as I worked from home, but also shared your love with mom and dad as they navigated unemployment, Lilly as her basketball season was cut short, and Ally as she was supposed to be enjoying her senior year of college with her friends.
You were a constant during all of it. Your love and hugs never wavered, and got us through it all.
You just knew.
I never had to tell you what I was feeling because you already knew. You can read me better than anyone else. And unlike a human, you don't need an explanation for the bad days. You were just content being there.
You also knew when it is time to go. You're our second pup that has passed. Our first pup Charlie went when we were on vacation. I think he knew we weren't ready to handle the pain of him going.
This time, mom and dad got home from dinner and let you outside. I wasn't there, but I picture you slowly grazing around our front yard and then laying down, knowing its ok to shut your squinty eyes. I think you knew to wait for mom and dad to get home so they could see you one more time and know that you went in peace.
You made sure we never felt alone.
They say a dog is a man's best friend, but you were more like a shadow. You followed us everywhere, especially mom.
There could have been no one else in the house but you and me, and you were all the company I needed. You had such a personality that I could just sit there and talk to you. I imagined you responding in an Eeyore voice from Winnie the Pooh.
Mom and Dad gave me a pillow when I was away at college with your face on it so I still didn't feel alone when I away from you. I laughed when I got, but it has sat on my bed everyday for the past 5 years, and now I'm hugging it tighter than ever.
You were a calming presence that everything was going to be ok and I am thankful to of had that in my life.
The short, brown dog hair will slowly fade from the couches and there will be no more slobber marks on our windows, car seats, and legs, but you will remain in our hearts forever. We love you Sampson pup!