The Biggest Mistake I've Made When It Comes to Decisions

Vladislav Babienko | Unsplash

I don’t always trust myself.

I don't always trust that I know what to do.

I get indecisive. I look to others for the answers. I may lean on the societal norm. I'm dying to know the RIGHT answer.

Even when I know what to do, I don't always trust that I'm cut out for it.

I question if I am ready for this, if I have enough experience, and if I'm emotionally, mentally, and physically capable.

I get to the point with decisions where I can't make one without just a little bit of anxiety, overthinking, and heartache.

When it comes to making a decision, sometimes the last thing I do is trust ourselves. When really the first thing we need to do is trust ourselves.

It is the biggest mistake I’ve made in a lot of my decision-making. I need to trust that I have the strength to do anything and everything will work out one way or another.

That is easier said than done and can't always be figured out with a pro-con list.

Whether its taking on new project at work, navigating a relationship with a significant other, or pursuing a new passion, it is easy to slip into a storm of indecisiveness and questioning.

I don't want to ride into that storm anymore that I have found myself in too often. I don't want my indecisiveness and questioning to hold me back from opportunities and what I actually want in life. I want to trust myself and live my life with more confidence and grace.

So here are 6 things I've found to help me trust myself to make a decision and skip the anxiety, overthinking, and heartache.

Recognize if fear is driving the decision over facts.

Sometimes we decide that we aren't capable or something isn't going to work out, but we don't have a way to explain why. Usually, it is because there is this intangible fear that is holding us back. If you don't have a reason why you're making a decision, you may be able to find clarity and comfort in the facts. Let that drive your decision.

You know you better than anyone else does.

Even if someone knows you, you know you better. You know what you really love, what your experiences are, what your perspective is, and what feels true to you. This won't change and don't let someone convince you otherwise.

Don't give power to things you don't care about.

We tend to give power to things we don't actually value for the purpose of fitting into the societal norm. We let society's traditional ways of doings things or definitions of success distract us from what we want to do and what success looks like to us. We need to give power to the things we do care about and let that drive our decision.

Know that you have the strength to make the decision, even if you don't know what it is.

This comes down to self talk. We need to convince ourselves that even if you don't know what the decision is, you know you have the strength inside of you to make it. The language you use with yourself goes a long way with being kind to yourself during the decision process.

Ask what would make you proud of yourself.

At the end of the day, what would make you most proud? What would make you feel like you pushed past complacency, got what you wanted instead of what someone else wanted, and helped you grow?

Know that even if it doesn't work out, there are still going to be good things in your life.

The sad reality is sometimes we are going to make a decision and later find out that its best to go in a different direction. Even if things don't work out,  it is important to recognize that it doesn't ruin your life. You can still have good things going for you and you have an intangible amount of learning to take away, possibly leading you to the next right decision.

And if none of these resonate with you, just breathing is always a good fall back.

What Makes Mornings So Great Anyway?

Danielle MacInnes | Unsplash

A non-morning person asked me: "What is so great about mornings? If you have time to do things later in the day, what makes you feel better about getting up in the early morning to do them?"

Fair question. Not sure the answer.

There is something about mornings though. Something magical about them.

Or maybe us morning people make them that way.

I started getting up early and doing a morning routine because a lot of entrepreneurs and thought-leaders I admired attributed their morning routine to their success.

However, after getting up early and doing a morning routine for many months, I realized why mornings were now so magical to me:

Prioritizes things you want to do.

You've been there where you leave something you want to do until the end of the day, and then 5 things come up and it doesn't happen or you're tired. Putting the things you want to do like reading or working out at the beginning of the day ensures that you will get to do it.

1 moment of control for the day.

There are some things that will happen in our day that are completely out of our control. So before we read any news, check email, or have a conversation with anyone that creates some form of stress, we get to have this 1 moment that we have complete control of what happens and how we feel.

Can start the day, week, month, life off on the right foot.

Mornings can set the tone for the rest of the day. If we can start it out the way we want to, there is a good chance it will set us up to be in a positive mindset the rest of the day. Then if we start each day off the way we want, days become weeks, weeks become months, and many months becomes your life. Why not start off life on the right foot?

Can feel fulfilled early on in the day.

We are all looking to be fulfilled in our day. We look for that just that ounce of happiness or accomplishment to get us through. So if we can do something that is fulfilling early on in our day, than we feel like we've already won even before our second cup of coffee.

Something that makes us feel better than average.

Ok yes the other things are reasons morning people love mornings, but deep down I think we get up to do things in the morning because it makes us feel better than average. This is because getting up in the morning isn't easy. If it was, everyone would be doing it and I would never be writing any of these things about mornings. We feel like its automatically more impressive to do something in the morning because it is just that much harder. No, we are not hating on you night owls, we just take doing things in the morning as a win.

Confessions of a Self Help Burnout

Unsplash | David Lezcano

If you're a self help junkie like me, you've been there, done that.

Read the books. Brene Brown, Rachel Hollis, Elizabeth Gilbert.

Listened to the podcasts. Jay Shetty, Tim Ferris, Lewis Howes.

Made rules for things you don't do. No dessert during the week.

Created routines and habits for things you do do. Alarm clock set for 5am.

Tracked this and logged that. I'm almost to my 10,000 steps today.

Tried something crazy someone you admired did. Early morning cold showers anyone? (I still haven't tried that one because it may just be that crazy).

But more than anything you have something inside of you that REFUSES TO BE AVERAGE.

Now of course, this refusal to be average is great and helps us reach our biggest goals. Wanting to be get better and be better is attractive to people and employers.

But at what point have you pushed too hard to be better? What is being better and when is it enough?

I would say I've been on this journey to "be better," or what I would call my "wellness journey," for about  2.5 years now. I hit rock bottom mentally and I knew I needed to be better.

I consumed all the self help content I could and did as much as I could to apply it to my life. However, I reached a point of consuming so much that it did not lead me to being better, but being hard on myself and anxious that I was always doing the wrong thing.

I entered self help burnout.

I'm still not sure when exactly it happened, but I know I felt it. I was, and still catch myself, on this continuous hamster wheel of wanting to get better and it can become exhausting.

So where is the boundary where the constant need to be better becomes too much?

I'm not sure if that boundary will ever be super clear, but there are a couple of questions that help me stay aligned to still moving forward with my personal growth, but not reach the point of burnout.

How can I get just 1% better today?

Not 150% better, but 1% better. Sometimes we put this expectation on ourselves that our growth in our careers, relationships, or physical body needs to be fast and exponential. This expectation can become unrealistic to the point where we don't appreciate even the 1% growth we made. If we are getting just 1% better every day, that is still growing.

Did I do my best today?

Your best means giving it all you got without diminishing your mental or physical health. Your best means putting forth the effort you know you can and being content with the result no matter what. Your best is enough and you know when you put it forth. That is something to be proud of.

How can I give myself grace today?

When I take friends to yoga for the first time, I tell them that you need to have confidence that you can do the pose,  and grace when you know your body cannot. I translate that to a lot of other parts of my life. We need to know that we can do anything, but we aren't going to be able to do everything. We need to have grace for ourselves.

Is this actually serving me or am I doing this because this is what "better" people do?

We are on social media all the time getting tips from the people we find successful or that we admire. They tell us to wake up before the sun or do some crazy diet. It is worth trying out these things that worked for them, but if you realize it isn't serving you, than it is no longer worth doing. You will be one of those "better" people by doing the things that serve you.

I embrace the fact that there will always be something inside of me that refuses to be average. The key is making sure that we are using that drive to do what serves us and not what burns us out. So be 1% better, do your best, give a little grace, and be a better you.

The Morning Routine You Wish You Started Earlier

As an avid podcast listener, I listened to successful person after successful person talk about how they had a morning routine.

Some went for a run, did an ice bath, and meditated. Others journaled, did yoga, or skimmed the news.

These high-achievers and people I admired explained that having a routine they do each morning starts their day off right and prepares them mentally and physically for what is to come.

So I wanted to try out this morning routine thing for myself.

However, I didn't really know where to start and choosing what to do felt a little overwhelming.

One thing I did learn from others who had tried morning routines was the goal wasn't to wake up earlier and do more things before work. It was about starting the day in a way that felt good while also doing the things you wanted to do.

To help me brainstorm what to include in my morning routine, I found a few questions helpful:

What would you do if you were on vacation?

One of the things I love about going on vacation is getting to spend my morning however I want and not feeling like I have to rush off anywhere.

So why can't I create that morning for myself at home?

Unfortunately for most of us, we can't go sit on the beach like we would on vacation, but we can create a morning like we are on vacation.

Reading on the porch, slowly drinking a cup of coffee, going on a morning walk, or making a nice breakfast. We can do some of these things (or all of them) even on a regular day.

You can make the morning special everyday.

What do you not always get to do in your busy day, but want to?

Our biggest reason for not doing things we want to do is lack of time.

We have so many responsibilities that need our attention that things we want to do get lost in the mix.

So why not make time for the things we want to do?

I specifically think of hobbies or interests when reading this question.

Start writing the book you always wanted to. Research apartments in the area of town you want to move to. Fit that yoga session in that you're always too tired to do after work.

Not only will you have time for these things, but your freshest energy will be put towards them.

What do you want to feel in the morning?

This is an open-ended question, and there isn't a right or wrong answer.

Some would say they want to feel productive. Some would say energetic. Some would say tranquil. Maybe you want your brain or body to be more stimulated or suppressed.

Whatever it may be, create that for yourself in the morning.

This is your first feeling that kicks off the day so kick it off the right way.

What is nice about these questions is that the answers can change and will change in different seasons of life. This will lead to new morning routines that serve you as you grow.

You may not find the routine that feels good right away, but it is important to be patient with yourself and willing to experiment as you explore and find the routine that serves you right now.

You can create the dream morning for yourself you never knew you needed.

To My Furry Friend That is Gone

A therapeutic letter to my childhood pup that we lost on July 11, 2020.

To My Sampson:

I knew you were leaving soon, but still hard to believe you're gone. I'm not sure if its easier when it is expected. I'm going to say no.

I thought about what I wanted to write about you, as writing is how I let it all out. There is too much to say, yet a lot of it is indescribable.

One easy thing there is to say is that a bond with a dog, and you specifically, was special and can not be replicated with another person.

You were a constant during the changes.

You were there when I graduated high school, college, and when I moved away to start my adult life. You were there for every birthday as we, for some reason, always picked up your 75 pound body so you could see the cake and sing happy birthday too.

In your last months, we unexpectedly got to spend many hours and weeks together as the world was sent into quarantine. You sat with me as I worked from home, but also shared your love with mom and dad as they navigated unemployment, Lilly as her basketball season was cut short, and Ally as she was supposed to be enjoying her senior year of college with her friends.

You were a constant during all of it. Your love and hugs never wavered, and got us through it all.

You just knew.

I never had to tell you what I was feeling because you already knew. You can read me better than anyone else. And unlike a human, you don't need an explanation for the bad days. You were just content being there.

You also knew when it is time to go. You're our second pup that has passed. Our first pup Charlie went when we were on vacation. I think he knew we weren't ready to handle the pain of him going.

This time, mom and dad got home from dinner and let you outside. I wasn't there, but I picture you slowly grazing around our front yard and then laying down, knowing its ok to shut your squinty eyes. I think you knew to wait for mom and dad to get home so they could see you one more time and know that you went in peace.

You made sure we never felt alone.

They say a dog is a man's best friend, but you were more like a shadow. You followed us everywhere, especially mom.

There could have been no one else in the house but you and me, and you were all the company I needed. You had such a personality that I could just sit there and talk to you. I imagined you responding in an Eeyore voice from Winnie the Pooh.

Mom and Dad gave me a pillow when I was away at college with your face on it so I still didn't feel alone when I away from you. I laughed when I got, but it has sat on my bed everyday for the past 5 years, and now I'm hugging it tighter than ever.

You were a calming presence that everything was going to be ok and I am thankful to of had that in my life.

The short, brown dog hair will slowly fade from the couches and there will be no more slobber marks on our windows, car seats, and legs, but you will remain in our hearts forever. We love you Sampson pup!

How I’m Seeing My Social Media Idols Differently

Unsplash | Georgia de Lotz

I was first introduced to Rachel Hollis when a friend recommended her podcast, Rise, to me. She knew I was into personal development and it was the perfect listen for my long commute home from work. I listened every week.

Not long after, I was introduced to Rachel’s book, Girl, Wash Your Face. I read it front to back in just a few days. It was like she was speaking to my perfectionism, my goal-setting mindset, and the belief that you could make your big dreams happen.

I then found out Rachel had a podcast with her husband Dave, called Rise Together. It was centered around creating a strong relationship and marriage.

I also followed both of them on Instagram.

I was a Rachel and Dave Hollis groupie I will admit. I loved what they stood for and looked up to them for everything from relationships to making your dreams a reality.

Last month, Rachel and Dave announced on Instagram that they were getting divorced.

I was in shock. I was sad. More than anything I was confused.

I thought: How could they? If they were so perfect, how could they separate? Was everything they said fake?

Then I took a step back.

I thought about how hard it must have been to not only come to this decision, but share the news on social media with their combined 2.2 million followers.

In my eyes, Rachel and Dave were a symbol of perfection. I idolized them and their relationship. I did not see them as normal people.

I tend to do this with a lot of the podcasters, authors, and social media personalities I follow. I see them as a symbol of perfection.

I have come to realize that behind the screen, book, and headphones, they’re people just like us.

Since hearing the announcement from Rachel and Dave, I decided to rethink how I consume content from my idols.

Here are 3 things I try to keep in mind:

Just because they're speaking about it, doesn't mean they're perfect.

The people I look up to seem to have it all together, but even they would tell you they don't have it all figured out. None of us will have it all figured out.

If someone gives career, marriage, or parenting advice, it doesn't mean they don't have problems. If they didn't have problems, they would have nothing to talk about.

Even if they don't have it all figured out, it doesn't mean they shouldn't be speaking about it. Some people are more brave and vulnerable about sharing what works for them.

I'm thankful for people like Rachel and Dave that are willing to speak about life’s hardships. They remind us that we aren’t the only ones with problems.

They're not fake if they change their mind.

If someone decides to pursue another path, change their outlook on life, or has a new opinion, it doesn't make them fake or phony.

We use words like fake because people feel that a change or disruption ruins that picture perfect image we have in our head. In reality, that image never truly existed. They are like us, human.

When people change their mind, it shows they're growing and learning like we are supposed to do.

No one needs permission to change their mind. If someone learns new information, they can change their mind.

I listened to Rachel's first podcast episode since announcing her separation and she explained how during the Coronavirus she was writing a book about how to get through grief. Then her separation happened. She had to go back and re-evaluate how she wanted to talk about grief. Her explanation really hit home. No one has it all figured out and we are going to change our minds.

Take their advice, but know that this is their journey, not yours.

When we look up to someone, we want to do everything they did. We love their image and want to mirror their life and success. We see their life as a symbol of perfection.

I've realized while it is great to take inspiration from the people you look up to, it is not THE journey. It is their journey and you can have your own.

Doing exactly everything they did to a T is not the only way to do things. Following everything they do will only build the life they wanted. It will not build the life you wanted. 

Take bits and pieces of what they did and see how it applies to your life. Create your journey, one you can be proud of.

In this case, we can still take Rachel and Dave’s marriage advice. Maybe some things worked for them at one point. Maybe they can work for you too.

Whether we have realized it or not, a lot of us are consuming content in a way that makes us idolize the authors.

Instead, we need to take the candid content that people like Rachel and Dave are creating as an opportunity. An opportunity to relate to them and reflect on our own lives. An opportunity to say “me too” or “I never thought about it that way.”

Relating and reflecting allows us to humanize the content we are consuming. It allows us to see the person behind the screen, book, and headphones for who they’re and not the image we made them out to be.

3 Things That Helped Me Become A Morning Person

Yes, I am one of those annoying morning people. But I wasn't always. And I also decided that I wanted to be.

You see, I HATED mornings. Drag myself out of bed, sometimes before the sun was up, to be somewhere at some time. I was just hopeful that I didn't hit snooze 1 too many times that I was going to be late or that I didn't spill coffee on myself as I rushed there.

During a rushed 30-minute commute I had to work each day, I would listen to podcasts with successful people talking about how much they loved their mornings and how they were so integral to their overall well-being.

Since I was at the point of despising mornings, I felt like I was doing something wrong.

So I tried to see what it was like to become a morning person.

Now, at first I thought that being a morning person meant you woke up at 5am and fought all the fires before the rest of the world woke up.

And it can mean that if you want it to, but it doesn't have to.

The key I found to becoming a morning person is making it a positive part of your day instead of a negative one that a lot of us are making it out to be.

So here is how I became morning person.

I put my alarm clock across the room.

You know how it goes. Alarm goes off, you roll over to your phone on the nightstand, and do your routine of how many times you hit snooze (mine was 3).

But why did I keep hitting snooze when I never fully went back into a deep sleep, felt more tired by the time I actually got out of bed, and made myself rush to where I needed to be?

So when I heard the trick to put my phone/alarm across the room, it worked like a charm. Now did I get up to hit snooze and hop back in bed the first couple of times I did this? Yes, but that got old after awhile and it didn't take long to train my body and brain that once the alarm goes off, its up and at 'em.

I get up on my own terms.

One of the reasons I didn't want to get out of bed was because someone else was telling me I had to. I was getting up at the time I was because work told me I needed to be there at a certain time. It was like I was starting my day on someone else's terms.

So now I start my day on my terms. Yes, I still need to be at work at a certain time, but I start my day how I want to. Whether that is reading on the porch or sit with a warm cup of coffee for a few moments, I pick 1 thing that allows me to start my day how I want and gets me excited to get up in the morning.

I have found that starting my day on my terms has brought me more purpose and empowerment in my life than almost anything else in my day.

I developed a morning routine.

The early morning mad dash. You probably heard of it. You rush around trying to get ready and you have already reached the level of stress in the first hour of the day. Not exactly ideal.

As I listened to these podcasts with success people, they talked about how they were creating a morning routine for themselves that allowed them to have a morning that made them both feel good and get things done.

So I have been experimenting with morning routines ever since.

I plan out the night before what all I would like to do in the morning and give myself plenty of time to do it. I have experimented with getting up at different times and doing things in different orders, and finding the flow that feels right in this season of life.

Journaling, make coffee, do hair and makeup. Workout, meditate, make coffee. Make coffee, yoga, write. Whatever I was feeling, but trust me coffee was always involved, and it was just a lot more enjoyable not spilling it down myself during the early morning mad dash.

Having a routine down that made me feel good and get things was such a fulfilling way to start my day.

Now does this require getting up earlier? Yes. But does it put me in a better mental state for the rest of my day? Absolutely!  Even just waking up 10 minutes earlier can make a difference.

Like I said before, being a morning person isn't about waking up before the sun to fight the fires. It is about starting your day in a way that positively impacts your overall well-being.

How I Became More Present at Home

Lately, we have been forced to make our homes a multifunctional space. Ya know, quarantine and all.

I found the trickiest thing about doing everything in my home though was going from one activity to the next, and getting my brain to follow along with it.

Going from working on the couch to relaxing on the couch, it was hard for my brain to go from productivity mode to relaxation mode. Going from meditating on my bedroom floor to doing workouts in the same spot, it was hard to get my brain from quiet to motivated.

Not to mention doing all these things in the same space tended to make me feel stir crazy and claustrophobic.

It was a challenge for me to get present as I changed activities, but stayed in the same spot.

So I decided to create a space for each activity and each mindset.

And in a 1,500 square foot apartment with a roommate, I knew I had to get creative. I even created spaces that weren't really there I guess you could say by placing a blanket on the floor or making a little nook in a part of the room.

Now there is a place for everything and everything is in its place (including my brain)…

The desk and desk chair are for working.

The fuzzy blanket on the floor is for meditation and prayer.

The bed is for sleeping and reading.

The couch is for screen time and relaxing.

The outside is for workouts and yoga.

The spot by the window is for journaling and creative work.

Doing this has allowed me to be more present in each part of my day. It has allowed me to get my brain in the zone I want it to be in. More than anything, it has allowed me to fully enjoy each small moment of my day.

If you're in a similar situation as me where you're entering week 13 of working from home (so thankful to even have that option), making a place for everything has been a major reason I have been loving and fully embracing the work from home life.

But even post-pandemic, I see myself continuing this practice of making a place for everything in my home as I continue to try to be more mindful and present in my life.

Can I Be Something Else?

Podcaster. It is part of my identity. It has been for over year now. When I take on a label like that, I wear it with pride and go all in on it.

I've been thinking though, if I'm no longer a podcaster than who am I?

My brain:

"Someone that doesn't know what they want"

"Someone that isn't serious about what they're doing"

"A nobody because this is how I became a somebody"

A little harsh huh? I would never say that to a friend or family member, so why am I saying it to myself? I've recognized its time for little more grace, and a lot less judgement.

If I'm no longer a podcaster, it doesn't mean I don't know what I want, I'm not serious about what I'm doing, or I'm a nobody because this is what made me a somebody.

It maybe took a global pandemic and the whole world stopping, but I realized that SOMEBODY had to make this great thing and that SOMEBODY was me.

I did that, it was me. That means I was a somebody before all of this. If that is the case, maybe that somebody can create or be good at something else too.

So I'm doing some re-wiring. I'm shifting from this harsh, negative self-talk. If I'm no longer a podcaster, than…

I AM SOMEBODY WHO IS GROWING.

Plain and simple. Maybe I should paint that on a canvas, or sew it on a pillow as my sisters would tell me after every cliché I say. Maybe I’ll put that in my Instagram bio as I don’t have a better way to describe myself right now. I'm somebody who is growing.

I think back to long before I started the podcast. In college when we had to create personal mission statements for ourselves, the one I created for myself was to…

DIVERSIFY MY EXPERIENCES TO ALLOW MYSELF TO GROW.

Maybe 22-year-old Claire was onto something there. Try some new things here and there to see where it takes you.

So if you're wondering where I'm at with re-wiring my brain, I'm taking a break from being a podcaster and trying this blogger thing. Maybe I'll come back to it, maybe I won't.

Right now though, along with blogging, I'm also embracing being an interior decorator making the coziest work from home space, a nail artist trying a new color almost every day, a yogi that uses Ohio's humidity to supplement a hot studio, and a nightly cribbage champion (although my boyfriend may beg to differ).

So I'll be here blogging about different mindfulness practices I'm trying, books/podcasts/people that inspire me, epiphanies I've had while growing, and lifestyle changes I've made to keep me centered in an ever-changing world.

But who knows, maybe I'll pivot from that to blogging about gardening and running. I'll just keep growing and keep you on your toes.