Can I Have Boundaries and Be A Fun Person?

Pan Xiaozhen

“You’re no fun!”

Yep, I’ve heard that one a couple of times.

Hearing that used to bother me A LOT. I really cared (and still do if I’m being honest) about being received as a “fun” person.

The times I usually hear “you’re no fun” is when it comes to my boundaries around sleep, alcohol, or alone time.

It makes me question if I can have boundaries and be a fun person?

The simple answer is YES.

It is about reminding myself why I’ve set the boundaries I’ve set.

You don’t set boundaries to restrict yourself from doing fun things. You set them to make room for the things that are most important to you. The things that are “fun” and fulfilling to YOU.

Maybe that is working out, spending time with someone you love, or making time for your passion project.

Setting boundaries is not easy. But when we get in the habit and get more comfortable with setting them, they’re a lot more likely to stick.

Here are the 3 scenarios that I find the most tricky to set boundaries.

Sleep

I have a very early bedtime because Claire with less than 8 hours of sleep is not pretty.

This doesn’t mean I’m not tough or am weak because I can’t function on less sleep. I have learned how much sleep I need to be able to function at the level I want to.

Sometimes that requires turning off Netflix early or leaving a party before midnight.

I try to remind myself that my sleep boundaries aren’t in place to restrict me from having fun. My sleep boundaries are in place to help me make room for other things to happen.

I know with little sleep I will have trouble being able to show up for my job, my workouts, and important people in my life in the way that I want to.

Other people may not agree with your sleep boundaries, but you’re, as Greg McKeown calls in his book Essentialism, “protecting the asset.”

McKeown has a whole chapter on the importance of sleep and he says…

“The best asset we have for making a contribution to the world is ourselves. If we underinvest in ourselves, and by that I mean our minds, bodies, and spirits, we damage the very tool we need to make our highest contribution.”

I’ve found protecting the asset starts with creating good sleep habits during your normal weekly routine.

I got in the habit of figuring out how many hours of sleep I need to function and I adjusted my bedtime and wake up time accordingly to make that work.

Once I started having a couple of weeks of good sleep habits (trust me didn’t happen overnight, no pun intended), when it came to that weekend night where I was out a little later, I had many nights of good sleep under my belt that allowed me to have fun and stay out a little later if I wanted to.

Now, how do I deal with my crankiness when I am tired? That is something I am still trying to work on.

Alcohol

Setting any boundaries around alcohol is so tough since it is so ingrained into our culture.

It’s the happy hours, the tailgates, the weddings, the catch up with college friends, or visiting the new winery or brewery in town.

In these social situations, sometimes people hope you drink as much as them so you can be on the same level, whatever that may mean.

Or the toughest is when you’re with people that knew how much you drank at one point in your life and they expect you to be that way now.

Sometimes it’s fun to drink and let loose a little, but other times I know the excessiveness isn’t going to serve me.

Deborah Adele writes in her book The Yamas and Niyamas about the yogic principle of brahmacharya, or nonexcess.

“Nonexcess is not about nonenjoyment. It actually is about enjoyment and pleasure in its fullest experience. The questions before us are: Are you eating the food, or is the food eating you? Are you doing the activity, or is the activity doing you? Can you enjoy pleasure without excess?”

Alcohol can take up more space in our lives than we want it to, especially if those hangover feelings hit the next day.

To keep it from taking up too much space, I have found sparkling water to be my favorite alternative. Or I’ve been out with friends who have ordered mocktails. Many companies now are coming out with non-alcoholic alternatives to their beers & wines. I’m interested in exploring these more.

Sometimes just getting in the habit of always having a glass of water in your hand can keep you occupied and from getting to a point you don’t want.

Alone Time

Being declared a “fun person” is usually determined by if you are willing to do what someone else wants you to do.

You’re that go with the flow person that says yes to everything.

But what if you don’t want to go to the party, event, or another happy hour?

Maybe you just want to stay home. Maybe you want time to work on your passion. Maybe you want to just lay on your floor and stare at the ceiling after a long week.

You’re allowed to do all of that and you don’t have to feel bad about it.

However, I know I feel guilty when I say no. Either guilt from myself or someone else.

But we can reframe this.

When we say no to something, we are usually saying yes to ourselves.

Yes to recharging, rejuvenating, and deciding what is the next right thing for us to do.

In Marlee Grace’s book How to Not Always Be Working, she quotes yoga teacher Rachelle Knowles:

“The tricky part about creating space to pause and practice is that at first it will need to be deliberate. It might even feel forced. Soon you’ll start to taste the sweetness of it all, which comes from knowing that every time you choose to pause, you are choosing yourself.”

This quote reminds me that setting boundaries is not something that happens overnight. It needs to become a habit in order for the boundaries to stick.

You Can Be More Than Your Day Job

Antonio Gabola

So what do you do for a living?

It is a common question to ask and feels like a safe question to ask someone when you first meet them.

But this is actually one of my least favorite questions.

It is one of my least favorite questions not because I’m not proud of my day job, but because I want people to know that there is more to me than my day job.

You see, for the past 3 years I’ve played in 2 different worlds.

I work in corporate supply chain as my day job, but outside of work you will find me devoting my time to my wellness blog.

However, I’ve never really felt like I’ve fit into either world completely.

I don’t feel like I fit into the typical corporate world because I have this creative and entrepreneurial mindset that I feel like I have to tone back sometimes.

I don’t feel like I fit into the wellness world because I haven’t gotten to the point (yet) where I have a business or I’m making money from it.

I’ve felt the need to pick 1 or be 1.

But maybe I don’t need to pick 1. Maybe I don’t need to pick 1 lane or the other, but I can create my own.

I’ve been realizing that creating my own lane is what could make me stand out in both lanes.

I can bring my creative and entrepreneurial mindset to the corporate work setting, and I can bring my strategic and operational skills from my day job to the entrepreneurial, wellness space.

I need to own the lane I’ve created for myself.

For me, this has been taking small steps like…

The “about” page on my wellness website says “wellness writer and corporate supply chain analyst.”

Along the same lines, my LinkedIn says “wellness writer” along with my day job title.

I can embrace all sides of me and not be 1 person somewhere and another person somewhere else.

When you create your own lane, it may seem like you’re trying to do everything or be everything.

But it really means you’re just getting really clear on what YOU want to do.

When we decide to create our own lane, we decide what our time looks like.

For me, that looks like early mornings and late nights of blogging, with my corporate day job inbetween. Maybe not typical, but it is what has worked for me.

When we give ourselves the permission to create our own lane, we can start doing the things we actually want to do, and it can lead us to our version of a fulfilling life.

What I've Learned About Starting Over

Kelly Sikkema

I’m in a season of starting over.

I’ve moved cities. I’m living by myself for the first time. I’m changing jobs. I’m reevaluating how I spend my time and who I spend my time with. And that is just to name a few things going on.

I also call the season of starting over as a season of re-inventment.

I’ve started over before, but it has been different each time.

It made me think about the essence of starting over. There are 2 sides to it.

It can be a positive change that is exciting and makes you feel hopeful.

Or you could take a different view and ask “how did I get to the point that I felt I needed to start over?”

I wouldn’t call this a negative view; I would call this a reflective view.

Starting over can be good in so many ways and sometimes it is very needed.

But what makes us get to the point of feeling we need to re-invent?

I’ve noticed we feel the need to start over when we become someone we no longer want to be.

And that’s ok.

I’m a big advocate for changing your mind over and over again and it takes courage to decide that the old version of you is not who you want to be.

But how do we make sure that there are more days of being proud of the person we are today than days of feeling the need to start over?

I think there are 3 things that can help us with this.

Surrounding yourself with the right people

The times I have found myself off course is when I’m not surrounding myself with the right people.

No matter how hard you fight it, you’re a combination of the 5 people you spend the most time with.

Are the people I’m spending time with inspiring me to be the person I want to be?

Am I inspiring them to be someone they want to be?

Just asking these questions, even about the people you have been around for years, I have found can be very eye-opening sometimes.

Following your intuition

There have been times where I’ve mistaken intuition for anxiety.

It was like my intuition or gut was telling me to do something and I didn’t want to listen to it, so it gave me anxiety.

Listening to your gut can be really hard and can feel not always logical. But as soon as I started listening to it, it was like a weight was lifted that I didn’t know was there.

Just making that 1 decision to listen to my intuition has led me to making a lot of other decisions that align to the person I want to be.

Not losing sight of what you find important

It has become more apparent to me recently that we don’t all have the same goals or priorities. And that is ok.

We are all going down our own paths that are perfectly crafted for us. But it is easy to forget that someone else’s path is not always your path.

The times I’ve gotten off track is when I forgot where I wanted to go, what I wanted to do, and why I wanted to do it.

It might honestly be easier to get off track these days than stay on track.

It takes checking in with ourselves and sometimes getting really quiet to know what is important to us.

Once we know what that is, we can’t lose sight of it.

I think the key in all of this is to take both a positive and reflective view. We can have hope for the future while also learning from the past.

3 Benefits of Vulnerability and Sharing Your Story

Kelly Sikkema

Have you ever not told your story out of fear of what someone might think?

Maybe you have 1 or 2 sections or boxes of your life that particularly come to mind that you try to hold back from getting too deep into conversation about.

You keep it surface level. Always.

If you do happen to get into that conversation, you fear that as you’re telling a story the other person will start making 1 of the faces that say…

“I’m really not interested in what you’re saying.”

“That is the stupidest idea ever!” 

“Why is that something you’re anxious about?”

You don’t even need the verbal cues, it is all in their face.

I have been there, experienced that, felt that. I’ve done everything I could to keep from getting that face.

I recognize that I could also be making up a story in my head based on their facial reactions.

But either way, I’ve felt that fear based on the social cues I get.

But guess what?

The people that might be making that disinterested or judging face while you tell your story probably don’t get it and it is not our job for them to get it.

Every person we tell our story to is going to take something different away.

Maybe it is good and maybe it is bad, but we don’t really get to choose which one they pick.

But I have found that there are special people out there that are going to get it and it is going to take you telling your story to find them.

They see where you’re coming from, they understand the anxiety, and maybe they’ve even been there.

And there will be other people that won’t get it, but still go out of their way to understand you and provide the support that they can. They’re special too.

But how are we going to know if those special people are out there if we don’t share our story?

How can you discern the not-so-special people (the face makers) from the special people (the supporters) if you don’t tell your story?

Here are 3 perks to being a little more vulnerable:

Gives others permission to share.

There are a couple of people I’ve come across that don’t share much about their life. They keep things close to the chest.

When this thought comes to mind I try to ask myself, do they feel like they can share? Do I share with them?

Everyone gets to pick what they want to share and who to share it with. However, if you tell your story and put yourself out there, others are more likely to feel they have permission to tell their own story.

Maybe you can find a special person in each other.

Remember, the permission to tell your own story has always been there. It just needs to be granted by yourself.

It lets people know how to support you during big moments.

This is HUGE! If you’re excited about something, then tell someone. If you’re anxious about something, open up about it. If you’re hopeful about something, let those close to you know.

Because whether things end up in your favor or not, the people around you will know how to support you during the outcome.

They can be the person to celebrate things going better than expected, or the shoulder to lean on when you’re bummed out.

But they won’t know how you’re feeling about it unless you tell them.

Helps connect with people in ways you didn’t know.

Most of the stories we don’t tell are the hard ones and the ones we need the most support.

We only see the highlight reel on social media or the filtered version of what people decide to tell us. But there are people going through really hard things like you’re.

I remember being hesitant to tell a friend about a health issue I was having. What do you know, another friend of hers was having the same health issue and she connected us so we could support each other.

I remember being nervous to tell someone a hard thing I had experienced in a previous relationship. Come to find out they had been through the exact same thing.

It isn’t easy to say the hard things, but maybe it is what brings us closer together.

–

Maybe I’m writing this because I have to remind myself of the reasons to be vulnerable and tell my story over and over again.

My 2 sections or boxes of my life I’m not that great at sharing? 1) dreams I have for this blog and 2) romantic relationships.

Once I realized that the things I hold back from sharing are big parts of my life, I began to share them more and I’m proud of the huge strides I’ve taken.

And I’m not talking about sharing on social media (an entirely different beast). I’m talking about sharing with family and friends. The special people.

However, I do believe there are people out there on social media that can join the special people club, which I think is part of the reason I show up the way I do in my writing.

In a world that can feel so lonely, sometimes it takes opening up and connecting with 1 special person to make everything feel alright.

My Must-Read Books of 2022

The other day I decided I was going to walk to a bookstore to buy a book instead of jumping on Amazon to buy it.

And wow was it my new favorite thing ever.

I’m someone who likes reading a physical book rather than reading it digitally or listening to an audio book. Makes sense that I would like this act of going to physically pick out a book.

I was standing in the self help section, the usual place you’ll find me, and saw a lady pick up The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron.

I said to her “get it, one of my favorite books of all time!”

She responded with, “well I’m actually looking to give it as a gift.”

I said, “even better!”

It made me think, what other books would make me want to give a stranger my unsolicited opinion because I just loved the book so much? There aren’t many. Just the ones that change the way I look at the world and my life.

Here are a few books I would say “get it!” with no hesitation (in no particular order):

The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron

First, you don’t have to be an artist to read this book, but aren’t we all artists in our own way? This book dives into creating a morning pages practice (journaling) and taking yourself on artist’s dates (your time to play & explore).

How to Not Always Be Working by Marlee Grace

I’ve read this book several times when I’m feeling burnt out or lacking inspiration. It simplifies the work vs. play distinction and challenges you to reconsider what is work, when you work, where you work, etc.

The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown

Before reading the book, Brene advises taking her online Wholehearted Inventory quiz. The quiz coincides with the chapters of the book, focusing on letting go of perfectionism, comparison, and anxiety as a lifestyle, and cultivating self-compassion, creativity, and calm/stillness.

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

This is my favorite “book before bed” read as it simplifies the path to personal freedom. Helps remove the expectations from ourselves and others, and emphasizes the power of truthfulness and trying your best.

The Yamas and Niyamas by Deborah Adele

This book explains the yoga principles, which have really become life principles for me. Each principle builds on itself and starts with ahimsa, meaning nonviolence or do no harm.

Untamed by Glennon Doyle

Glennon takes us through her stories of being let out of the cage and no longer needing to be tamed, while other stories are about setting boundaries to what she lets into her life. I love her writing style as somehow she always slips a lesson into a story she hooked you into.

No Hard Feelings by Liz Fosslien and Molly Duffy West

That self help book with pictures you’ve been looking for. Liz & Molly beautifully show us through their words and illustrations how to not put so much pressure on ourselves, our work, and live a little. Many of the illustrations I found myself saying “yep that’s me every day.”

I’m building my 2022 book list! What books have changed the way you look at the world and you would tell a stranger to “get it?!” Comment below or send me an email.

The Habit Tracker That Keeps Me Consistent

The reason I stay on social media is for connection and inspiration, and I found that at the beginning of 2021.

My Instagram friend @MaryBrickerYoga (I did eventually meet her in person) had posted a tracker she was using to hold herself accountable for showing up to yoga in 2021.

I connected with her and told her how much I loved the tracker. She inspired me to expand more on it.

I created a tracker titled “Show Up For Your Body 2021” with 365 boxes on it . Each day, I challenged myself to do some form of movement for at least 30 minutes.

That could be a walk, hot yoga, vinyasa yoga, lifting, stretching, kayaking, etc. Each type of movement I assigned a color. At the end of each day, I colored a box with the color/movement I did that day.

Some days had multiple colors with yellow for my lunchtime walk and purple for my after-work lift. Eventually I added a color to the tracker that was designated for “trying something new” to allow myself to stray from the usual course.

As a go-getter, busy-bee, and perfectionist, this tracker has been a game changer for me and living the life I want.

Challenged me to show up

This tracker gave me a reason and a reminder to show up every day. It was the accountability partner I needed to make movement a priority.

Gave me options on how to show up

This tracker gave me permission to choose what movement felt good that day. It also challenged me to diversify my movements from day to day and do the cross-training that your body needs.

Helped me be graceful with myself

On the days where I just couldn’t get movement in, I left the box white and that was ok. It didn’t mean I couldn’t make it colorful the next day. After all, sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is create a little bit of white space.

Visually appealing & could hang up as a reminder

As the year went on, I loved seeing all the colors on the tracker come together. Might sound crazy, but I feel like I started creating art out of my life experiences. I hung it up in my home as an inspiration to add some more color to it and my life.

Did it with others so I knew I wasn’t in this alone

At the end of each month, I would post my progress to my Instagram story and Mary, along with some others, would post as well and tag each other. It felt like you weren’t showing up alone. Everyone’s tracker looked a little different, but we were all trying to show up for ourselves.

As 2021 comes to an end, I decided to create a tracker to use in 2022 and I’m sharing it with you all.

You don’t have to use it for accountability with your workouts, but really any habit or growth you want to focus on in the coming year. Could be showing up to journal, your morning routine, or focusing on the growth of your business.

2022 (and every year) is about showing up and this can be a resource to help you stay on track!

Get the tracker here and let me know when you start using it!

Why Your Hard Work Will Never Go To Waste

Conor Samuel

I was talking to someone the other day who had gotten their 200-hour yoga teacher certification.

Even though she had completed her certification a while ago, she wasn’t currently teaching.

She expressed how because she spent all this time and money on the certification, she felt the pressure to be doing something with it.

I could relate.

I completed my 200-hour yoga teacher certification earlier this year and I’m not teaching a regular class, but I feel the pressure to.

I convince myself sometimes that if I’m not doing anything with it right now, then all the time, money, and energy I spent was a waste.

I’ve heard people say that about the college degrees they get. They get their degree in music and end up doing something in the food industry, or they get a biology degree and end up doing something in business.

All the work can feel like a waste.

But it NEVER is.

I try not to use the word “never” or “always” in my writing, but this time I mean it.

Your hard work, time, and energy is NEVER a waste and here’s why.

Let’s take what I just said: I try not to use the word “never” or “always” in my writing.

Do you know how I adopted that “principle” into my writing? My yoga teacher training.

In my training, we learned to use words and phrases like “maybe or sometimes,” “shift or rearrange,” and “there is no right way to do it, find your way to do it” when we teach.

It can give the students taking the class permission to remove the way they think the practice is supposed to look and make it their own.

This approach is something I was able to take in my writing. I want people who are reading to know that they can change their minds and to find what works for them in this season of life when it comes to their wellness.

I also learned from yoga teacher training that I wanted to invest in more experiences like it. I want to have more experiences that allow me to dive deeper into something I already have a lot of passion for and connect with like-minded people.

So although I’m not teaching yoga right now, the training I got is definitely not going to waste.

The things you learn from one experience can be taken to your next endeavor, whatever that may look like.

Feeling like something is a waste also comes up when people talk about experiences or relationships that have come and then gone. If the experience or relationship has ended, it can feel like a waste of time or energy.

I like to think that if you loved something enough at that time in your life, whether that was a job,  a hobby, a friendship, or a person you were in a relationship with, then it was worth the time and energy.

It is a blessing to find something or someone that you love.

I think we yearn for that feeling our entire lives. If we have it and then we don’t, we don’t know what to do.

I’ve learned to be thankful that we got the chance to love at all and know that you will find something or someone to love again.

When there is learning and loving, nothing is a waste of time.

My Reflections on 200-Hour Yoga Teacher Training

I had heard yoga teacher training (YTT) will change your life.

Even though I heard how great it would be, I was open-minded going into the experience.

I think that is how I got as much out of it as I did.

They say you should wait and let the dust settle before sitting down and writing out your experience. I'm glad I did.

I'm glad I waited because I'm seeing the effects that the training had on me more today than I did when it actually ended.

There is a lot that is different about me than when I first started the training. The biggest change has been doing things with a softer heart and a more focused mind.

Not being so quick to respond, leading with hope instead of fear, trusting myself more to make decisions, and embracing the people in my life are a few examples.

I knew I wanted to write about this experience to help me process it. However, I didn’t want to just process this experience. I wanted to celebrate this chapter. I wanted to honor this chapter of life.

Every trainee has their own story. This is mine.

May 2020

I was living at my parents’ house in Columbus for 7 weeks. My parents were unemployed, my sisters were home from college, and I was doing my corporate job from my childhood desk.

I don't have to tell you that we were in the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic, but for my future self, that was the time period.

Not a situation I expected to be in.

I found myself landing on my yoga mat day after day. It gave me certainty, stability, and support when I needed it most.

I had been doing yoga for a little over a year, but this time made me truly fall in love with the practice.

This is when I first considered teaching.

June 2020

I was back living at my apartment in Copley and I started researching where I wanted to do my training. I didn't really have a home yoga studio at this point, so I was open to options.

I looked and practiced at a few studios in the Akron area. I landed on doing my training at Yoga Squared.

The schedule and price fit my life, and there was a strong sense of community where I felt like I could truly grow.

I signed up to start in October.

October 2020

I start my training and I already knew I was on to something.

I loved the connection of the body and the mind. It felt like I was here to celebrate that.

For a while now, I'd considered myself a self-healer. I take it upon myself to work through hard things and find creative ways to move forward.

During the second week of training, I realized that there were past traumas I'd been trying to heal for a long time that I hadn't been able to heal on my own.

I knew in this training I would learn a lot about myself and that it may be emotional, but I didn't expect it to happen so quickly.

I ended up finding a therapist the very next week to help me work through some of my traumas. It has been 6 months since I started seeing her. She is a new type of support I hadn't considered before and am thankful to have found her.

Whether YTT intended to teach me or not, I learned that healing happens in all shapes and forms, and you don't have to do it alone.

It can be through journaling, talking to a supportive family member, going to a yoga class, taking a walk, or talking to a therapist.

As a yoga teacher, I was learning to guide people in their healing, whatever that may look like.

November 2020

COVID got really bad. Everyone knew someone who had it. Some of my family members got it. There was a time I was exposed, but had tested negative.

The only two places I could be found was at home or the yoga studio. Training became such a bright light during a dark time. Even though we had to take the precautions of masks and social distancing, being together in a room with people was a powerful thing.

I will say that my YTT experience would have been very different if it wasn't during COVID. There were no social events going on, I was working from home, and the world felt like it was in turmoil.

YTT was a space to work through it together. We weren't only there to learn to teach yoga and support people in healing, but we were able to connect with others when everyone felt alone. I will never forget those moments of leaning on my fellow trainees.

Later in the month, my mom asked if we could start practicing yoga together over zoom. I could practice my teaching, she could develop her yoga, and we could have a standing mother/daughter meeting each week.

It’s been 6 months of practicing together after work on Monday evenings and I love getting to do it.

December 2020

I started asking where I fit within the yoga community. What clothes do yoga teachers wear? What food do yoga teachers eat? Does a teacher wear brand name clothes or shy away from them? Are all yoga teachers vegan?

These are the questions I asked myself as I tried to figure out where I belonged. I started to think about what parts of myself I was going to bring to the yoga space or if this was a place I could truly bring my whole self.

Thanks to my wonderful teachers and fellow trainees, I learned that this was a place I did not need to mold myself.

I could wear what made me feel comfortable and eat what made me feel nourished.

They wanted the real me. My future students wanted the real me.

I took this into account as I started to teach at the front of the room during training. Teaching yoga is harder than it looks and I started to have the greatest respect for those teachers I admired.

January 2021

We got the opportunity to take reiki level one training. Reiki is a Japanese healing method, with “rei” meaning higher consciousness and “ki” meaning life force energy. Some yoga teachers incorporate reiki into their classes.

Reiki training opened my eyes to the vibrations of the cells in our body and how we can use reiki to increase the frequency of the cells to promote healing.

I was skeptical about reiki at first, but as I explored it more, I saw how impactful it can be on the body, mind, and spirit. 

I went on to complete my reiki level two training and now have a morning reiki practice that I perform on myself.

As I learned about reiki and other tools to use in my yoga teaching, I realized how creative yoga could be.

There is a theme of the practice. There is the music and lights. There are poses and sequences. There are props. There is the level of your voice and the energy you bring. There is the environment in which you're practicing.

There are so many things that go into it that you can create something new each practice you teach. We just need to let our creative spirit out.

February 2021

I started exploring what it means to find your dharma. In the yogic teaching, your dharma is your duty or purpose.

I was really thinking about my purpose, so I loved exploring what my dharma was.

I don't think we have to go searching for our dharma, but we find it by doing the things we are drawn to. It isn’t one specific thing, but an overarching principle or purpose that spans across a lot of things.

I think my dharma is to support people in finding resources that better their mental health, like yoga, journaling, reiki, and certain lifestyle choices.

I have struggled with anxiety and knowing there are resources to help has been powerful in improving my well-being.

Everything we do depends on the state of our mental health and if I can support someone in finding grace, acceptance, and compassion for themselves and others, that would be so rewarding.

Maybe my dharma will change. Maybe it won't.

As I explored my dharma more, I started to see how similar yoga and journaling were. I had been journaling for the past three years and I kept finding these synchronicities in yoga. Yoga and journaling are tools to help us be the person we want to be. They're safe spaces to work through things without judgement.

This is when I first came up with the idea to create a yoga + journaling workshop to introduce yogis to journaling.

I ended up hosting my first workshop in May 2021 at Yoga Squared and it was everything and more I wanted it to be. It was as if all the work I had put into my journaling and yoga was coming together.

March 2021

It was time to bring everything I learned from YTT and teach my first demo/class. It was a final examination, but felt like a celebration of becoming a teacher.

I was going to get to share everything I learned from my six months of training with my family, friends, and fellow trainees.

About an hour and a half before the demo, a family matter boiled over and I was in full tears.

In that moment, I had to decide if I was going to carry this into the yoga studio with me. I decided I was going to put it off to the side for now and revisit later because teaching this demo was too important to me.

The demo went better than I could have even expected. Being in the front of the room teaching, I felt I was exactly where I was supposed to be. Maybe I needed a good cry to be able to let go and teach from the heart.

April 2021

My fellow trainees gathered with our teachers to celebrate all the hard work we had done and the bonds we had forged. I couldn't believe it was actually ending. It was a life changing experience, especially alongside a pandemic.

I’m not sure what my yoga journey looks like in the future. Is it teaching, hosting workshops, additional teacher training, or continuing to be a student?

Many people ask, “well don’t you go through yoga teacher training so that you can teach?” Yes and no.

I began training because I wanted to teach and learn more about yoga as a practice.

I learned through the training that teaching yoga is no small feat and the best teachers have to put their heart and time into creating these wonderful sixty-minute experiences.

If I learned anything in YTT it is this: It doesn’t have to be this OR that. It can be this AND that.

It doesn’t have to be one or the other. It can be a little bit of everything. Everything doesn’t have to happen all at once or right now.

Nothing is permanent. We are always changing, shifting, and re-arranging.

I see myself continuing to practice with my mom, maybe do some more workshops, and be a yoga student. Maybe I’ll shift into teaching a regular class in the future or maybe I won’t.

I will just be forever grateful for the opportunity to experience this 200-hour yoga teacher training and I can’t wait to see where I go on my yoga journey. 

A Few Special Thank Yous:

My teachers, Nikki & Kate Woodford-Shell -- Thank you for sharing your wisdom and holding space for me to learn and explore. I know I will continue to learn from you.

My fellow YTT trainees -- While we went on this journey as individuals and each had our own deeply personal experience, we also went on this journey together. I can't imagine doing it without you guys.

My boyfriend Chris and roommate Emily -- Thank you for listening to every little thing I learned through this experience, even if you didn't always understand it.

My mom -- Thank you for being my first student and practicing with me every week over zoom.

My dad and sisters Ally & Lilly -- Thank you for your constant support and cheering me on endlessly.

My Favorite Personal Development Books That Are Less Than 200 Pages

I'll admit, I'm a self-help nerd.

I find it interesting all the ideas and ways we can better ourselves and development into the person we want to be.

I've read my fair share of personal development books, but I'm specifically drawn to ones that have short, organized chapters that are digestible.

Here are my 3 favorite personal development books that are less than 200 pages.

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

The Four Agreements are agreements you make to yourself.

This was a great book to pick up when I was feeling stuck, doubting myself, or worrying about what people think as it focused on finding personal freedom.

The Four Agreements are be impeccable with your word, don't take anything personally, don't make assumptions, always do your best.

Linking to it here.

How to Not Always Be Working: A Toolkit for Creativity and Radical Self-Care by Marlee Grace

When I was feeling burnt out or uninspired, this was a great book to pick up.

It took me through healing my creativity and time by creating boundaries in my life. This has great journal prompts at the end of each chapter to help me reflect.

The book took me through identifying what is my work, where do I work, what is not my work, what are the gray areas of my work, how to now work when not working, taking a break, and more.

Linking to it here.

The Yamas and Niyamas by Deborah Adele

Although this is a book about yoga's ethical principles, this can be read by non-yogi's as well.

This book was great to focus on developing 1 aspect of myself at a time. It really dives deep into ethical principles I can focus on apply to my own life.

This book took me through nonviolence, truthfulness, nonstealing, nonexcess, nonpossessiveness, purity, contentment, self-discipline, self-study, and surrender.

Linking to it here.

Are You Focusing on What You Want to DO or What You Want to BE?

I am fascinated, and maybe a little too fixated, on how we spend our time and energy.

But maybe this is something to be proudly fixated on.

Life is short and my time and energy is valuable. I want to live life to the fullest.

If I'm trying to figure out where to put my time and energy, do I focus on what I want to do or what I want to be?

DO vs. BE

My answer to this has changed over time. Here's why.

BEING

When I decided to get into podcasting in late 2018/early 2019, I decided I wanted to focus on BEING a podcaster.

DO vs. BE

I took a podcasting course from one of my favorite podcasters and adopted every single aspect she suggested. I studied the way my other favorite podcasters were doing things and adopted their processes as well.

While this was extremely helpful with getting started BEING a podcaster, in the spring of 2020 I found myself DOING things that I didn't really like and weren't really me. I felt burnt out and unauthentic.

I didn't like what I was DOING. Probably because I was doing what other people liked to do.

MAYBE BEING COULD OF WORKED

I've realized that focusing on BEING could have really worked out for me, but the way I was approaching it wasn't the best.

It wasn't what I was trying to be, it was how I was trying to be it.

I was trying to mold myself into being what a podcaster looked like for other people, instead of asking myself what podcasting could look like for me.

I chose to take everything the people I looked up to were doing and automatically adopted it since I saw that is what was making them successful (or at least in my eyes it was).

I learned something here…

Just because it is working for other people doesn't mean it will work for you. Observe and learn what other people are doing, and take the bits and pieces that you think will fit your personality, goals, and lifestyle you want to live.

I learned that it is important to learn, understand, and DO the things you like.

DOING

When I eventually asked myself what podcasting looked like for me, I wasn't really sure because I was clouded with what everyone else was doing.

I chose to take a step back and instead of focusing on what I wanted to BE, I started focusing on what I wanted to DO.

DO vs. BE

When I started focusing on what I wanted to DO, I saw that my favorite part of podcasting was writing the solo episodes. I loved writing.

The more I thought about it, it made a lot of sense. I loved journaling and as a kid my teachers always had to give me a page limit because I would write so much.

By focusing on what I wanted to DO, I found out what I was really interested in, I felt more creative, tasks became fulfilling, and I felt like I was creating my own path for growth.

I started writing more and this led me to starting my blog in May 2020.

In November 2020, I wrote a blog post on the importance of focusing on DOING instead of BEING. You can read it here.

WHAT COMES AFTER DOING

Since I wrote that blog post, I have continued to write and my thoughts on doing vs. being have really evolved. I'm happy they have and makes me feel like I'm living with my eyes open.

Now that I have a true understanding of what I like DOING, I feel like I can figure out what I want to truly BE based on my interests.

DO —> BE

I can take my love of writing and use that passion to bring my whole self to BEING a blogger.

Most importantly, I can be my version of a blogger.

I feel like what I'm doing and what I want to be are finally aligning.

Knowing what you like to do can be valuable information to becoming the person you actually want to be.

WHAT ABOUT GROWTH

So where do I go from here? How do I grow as a blogger or expand into other things?

I've strategized and experimented with many different ways to grow as a blogger. I've even thought about being a speaker, author, entrepreneur, educator, advocate, etc.

So I asked myself, if I'm going to BE this person (whatever it is), what does that person DO?

 DO <— BE

What do they DO to BE who they are?

Speakers speak. Authors write. Educators educate.

Am I willing to do those things?

It makes me consider how I want to spend my time and energy to become what I want to be.

What am I willing to do to be the person I want to be?

What am I willing to sacrifice? What am I not willing to sacrifice?

How can I create the time and the energy that is required to become the person I want to become?

You can BE anything, but you must define what you are willing to DO to make it happen.

A key part of this is still taking into consideration what you like to do and the bits and pieces you have learned from others that could work for you. 

I've found myself wanting to apply this to more than just being a blogger.

What does an exceptional yoga teacher do? Am I willing to do what is required of that?

What does a supportive girlfriend do? What time and energy can I create to be that?

What does a promotable employee do? What am I willing and not willing to sacrifice in my personal life in order to make that happen?

--

So when it comes to your time and energy, do you focus on what you want to DO or what you want to BE first?

I don't believe there is a wrong answer.

Based on my experience and talking with others, you may go about this based on how your brain works and the path that is going to get you to your version of success.

For me, my brain processes like this:

DO —> BE —> DO

Others' brains might work like this:

BE —> DO

Whatever way you like to figure out how to spend your time and energy, I’ve realized it is about aligning what you want to do and what you want to be.

do = be

How creating downtime could be the difference-maker in your day

When I look back at different times in my life, the amount of downtime I had and what I did with it made a difference in how happy I was. 

When I was in college, I would have told you I didn't have a lot of downtime.

Looking back now, I had a lot of downtime, and I spent a lot of it drinking and partying. I didn't really have any outside interests and was kind of lost.

When I graduated from college and started my post-grad life, I had a lot of downtime after work.

I was excited about this because I felt like I had a clean slate and I got to choose what I wanted to do with those hours I wasn't working. This is when I really started digging into my personal development interests with creating my podcast and starting to take yoga.

Now, about 2.5 years post-grad, I have a lot of interests and do a lot of different things.

I do this thing that when it comes to the weekend where I make sure it is a full schedule. I squeeze things in between other things that are already scheduled. I make plans with myself or with others to fill the free time I do have. I want to make the most of the weekend after all, but I have come to the point where I no longer have any downtime.

Often, I have said that having a full weekend like this is productive and makes me happy. That would be considered a successful weekend.

However, I've noticed that although it may be a "productive" weekend with a lot of things scheduled, I'm not necessarily happy. For me lately, it has left me empty.

When I try to fill every hour of my day with something, whether its something I want to do or other people want me to do, my energy gets diminished. I spread myself too thin. I can't be fully there because I just don't have enough energy left to be there. My cup is empty. I don't feel good.

Is there a balance in all of this?

Is there a way I can be productive and still do a lot of things, but do it in a way that feels good, make me happy, and fills my cup up?

My answer: Creating downtime.

Creating downtime to reset. Time to explore. Time to fill my cup back up.

Time to do whatever I feel like doing. Maybe it is napping, checking emails, watching a movie, starting a hobby, calling a friend, or exercising.

Creating downtime can be the difference between a productive day and a productive day that feels good.

Creating downtime, and using it wisely, can be the difference between living a life of burnout and monotony, and life of happiness and growth.

Here are 3 ways creating downtime could be the difference-maker in your day:

Keeps your mental capacity in check.

There is a lot of times where a friend will say, "hey want to do this thing?" It would be during the only 4 hours in my weekend that I have free.

Or a co-worker will send a message saying, "hey sorry to schedule this meeting during lunch, but it was the only time you had open on your calendar."

While I could physically be there for these things, I know mentally I probably won't be.

It took me a lot of times figuring it out the hard way to realize that we all have a capacity point. It is the point where our body and mind tells us we can't do anymore without a little rest.

Downtime can be a tool or boundary to keep our mental capacity in check. It can be our time that we set to reset and recharge so that we can do the other things we want to do.

I realized it is not about how many activities I can get in my day, but how many activities I can fully be there for.

Teaches you what you like, dislike, need, and want.

I'm the rare person that says they enjoyed post-grad life more than they enjoyed college. Don't get me wrong I loved college, but I think I loved post-grad so much because there was a lot of downtime after work to do whatever I wanted and there wasn't some obvious thing I felt like everyone was doing.

That time was mine and mine to learn a lot about myself. My interests, likes and dislikes, and how I really wanted to spend my time.

I noticed that when we have downtime, we get the chance to take ourselves off of autopilot and really look at what we want to do.

We learn what and who makes us feel good vs. what doesn't.

We learn what we actually desire to do vs. what we are just going along with.

We learn what our body and mind actually need to function vs. just accepting that we are going to feel run down all the time.

We learn what sets our hearts on fire vs. what doesn't, and get clarity on how we want to be spending this life.

Having downtime can remind us what keeps us sane and what to keep coming back to.

Allows you to find new things that are going to push your growth forward.

There are periods of times that I feel stuck. The days start looking like work, sleep, work, sleep. The same thing day after day.

These are the times I want something new, even if I don't know what that is. These periods of time can be frustrating and lead us to feel discontent with life.

I've noticed that I usually get in these moods when I'm just following along with the schedule and don't have a lot of downtime.

New things come out of downtime. New people, new activities, and new ideas emerge out of downtime. We don't have time to give any new things attention without downtime.

The new things are usually what push our growth forward. It gets out of our comfort zone and into the place where we can grow as a person.

Even though it feels like the things on our full schedule are going to help us grow, creating downtime accelerates the growth forward.

--

I'm noticing that it isn't necessarily how many things we can do, but what we do and how we do them.

Are we going to spend time doing things we actually want to do? Are we going to bring our full energy to them?

It is interesting that the downtime that usually happens behind closed doors could be the difference-maker in how we do things out in the world.

Downtime could be our tool, our boundary, our resource, our check point, or even our secret weapon to creating a life we are proud of.

Why 2020 Wasn't a Waste

Kelly Sikkema | Unsplash

When we look back at 2020, a lot of people's reaction will be ugh.

Ugh sums it pretty nicely.

You could also describe 2020 as unpredictable, stressful, or a pure wild card.

My fear is we will look back at 2020 and see it as a waste.

We may say that 2020 happened TO us, but there are ways that 2020 happened FOR us.

---

Here are 6 ways 2020 happened for us.

We got creative.

2020 showed us things didn't have to be a certain way in order for them to be good.

For a long time, we've been stuck in our same old routines, but 2020 has made us look at everything we do from a new angle.

How can we work from home? How can we still stay in shape without going to the gym? How can we continue to connect with others when we are locked up in our houses? How can I take advantage of this extra time I have?

Maybe it's possible that you like the new way of doing things even more.

We didn't make so many plans.

2020 was not the year of the plan; we all know that.

We make plans so we feel like we have control, can plan ahead, and worry less that things won't work out.

2020 showed us that life is not about having everything perfectly planned out. It is about being adaptable enough to enjoy and live in the present moment.

Life has changed every day. We don't have to wrestle with deciding or planning right now.

2020 showed us that we can take things day by day and trust ourselves to plan when the time comes.

We saw that people on social media are real too.

During the early lockdowns in March and April, we saw a lot less perfect and a lot more real popping up on social media.

We saw our social media idols without make-up, what their life looks like at home and not in the spotlight, and that they were going through this hard time too, despite the money or fame they had.

2020 gave us a reminder that the people behind the screens aren't perfect and their lives aren't something we need to compare ours to. They're trying to get through the hard times too.

We were reminded that everyone is going through something.

A lot of times we don't think other people understand. We don't think they understand the boat we are in.

We won't ever completely understand everyone, but 2020 showed us that we are in a similar boat and everyone is going through something. 

Whether that was unemployment, fear about getting the virus, anxiety about giving it to others, frustration that we can't go out places and see people, or loss of hope of when this will be over. 

Everyone is struggling with something. Maybe that means we can give ourselves and others a little more grace.

We learned how to pause.

A lot of us were running around tending to our full schedules before the virus hit.

2020 showed us how to pause.

How to take a moment to reflect. How to take a moment to relax. How to take time to re-evaluate how life looks for us. How to be thankful for the things and people we once took for granted.

2020 taught us that it is ok to take a breather, and sometimes that might be the best thing we can do for ourselves.

We learned how to keep moving forward.

2020 was a tough year. It challenged if, when, and how to move forward.

Even though we were in a moment a pause, 2020 showed us that we can still move forward in the tough times.

We can move forward right now and we don't need to wait for everything to be back to normal. Because as we've seen, what if things don't go back to normal for a while?

We may need to move forward in a way we never have before, but we can do it. It's just up to us to choose if we are going to. 

---

Sometimes we don't know what we need. I have a strong feeling that a lot of us didn't know we needed these lessons this year.

2020 had some aspects that we definitely want to leave in the past, but it also prepared us for the future.

It’s up to us to decide what we are going to take or leave in 2020. Take the good and leave the bad.

It's up to us what we are going to do with what we learned.

2020 was not a waste, but a stepping stone for the better things to come.

Are You Willing To Experiment?: 3 Affirmations When Trying Something New

Andrew Small | Unsplash

We want things out of this life. We want things to be good and we want them to be good now.

It is the perfectionist and go-getter in us.

We say we are willing to take the steps to learn how to get there.

But are we? Are we willing to change in order to get a different outcome?

More than anything, are we willing to experiment?

In life, we can experiment in many ways.

We can experiment by dating different types of people throughout life to help us eventually find our person.

We can experiment by taking different job opportunities to see what we like. 

We can experiment by trying out new hobbies and personal projects to see what feels the best.

But experimenting is hard.

We are hesitant to let go of the old things.

We can be closed off to new, unfamiliar things.

We beat ourselves up for not getting things right the first time.

We grow impatient when things aren't working out.

We become jealous of the people that seem to have it all figured out.

We believe we won't ever be good enough.

We become unmotivated to keep moving forward.

We feel like we are wasting our time.

We don't give ourselves grace.

I don't have experimenting all figured out, but here are 3 affirmations we can use to get us through:

I am figuring it out.

We often beat ourselves up for not getting things right. It is important to remember that we are all, and always will be, a work in progress. No one has it figured out, even if we think they do. We are all good enough at the place in the journey that we are at. Just by you stepping foot into the boxing ring, you have already conquered more than you or a lot of other people have.

I can detach from the old stories in order to find new ones.

A lot of times what is holding us back from getting to bigger and better places is holding onto the way things were before. The old stories keep us from creating new ones. It isn't easy, but we can find a way to get out of our own way and live better than we could have ever imagined.

If I'm putting my whole heart into it, it is not a waste of time. I will learn something no matter what.

When things don't work, we feel like we wasted our time. You may not know it now, but the things you did before will come back to benefit you in the future. If you threw your whole heart into something and gave it all you got, it was worth your time because you will learn from it. This is a reason to always keep moving forward.

--

Here are some resources I really love that also talk about experimenting:

Dare to Lead by Brene Brown

FFTs (F*ing First Times) podcast by Brene Brown

The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron

What is a Personal Project and Why You Want One

A personal project. It is that idea that keeps knocking on your door and is waiting for you to answer.

I answered the door and started exploring personal projects right out of college. It is what made my transition from college to adulthood one of my favorite times of my life.

My personal projects were starting a podcast, developing a daily journaling practice, starting a blog, and enrolling in yoga teaching training.

But a personal project can really be any project, hobby, or habit. It can be anything from taking a photography class, to organizing your basement, writing a book, or developing a steady workout plan.

A personal project is a project, hobby, or habit that you do for your own self-fulfillment.

A personal project is that "other" thing besides work or family. It is that thing you don't do for someone else or as your sole income, but for yourself and your freedom. 

You find it by leaning into your curiosity and interests, and pursue it by laying out an action plan as to when and how you're going to make it happen.

More than anything, personal projects are a way to commit to your self-fulfillment and happiness, and not have it get lost in the craziness of life.

When you hear personal project, you may also think passion project.

I call it a personal project because I think the word passion scares people. When people are asked, "what is your passion," I see them get stressed, especially those who have no idea what to say.

I think this is because our society has put pressure on each person to find their "thing." We all need a niche or one thing we are good at, interested in, and maybe even extremely passionate about.

But what if we are good a lot of things? What if we are interested in a lot of things? What if we don't have a strong interest for anything? What if we want to spend time on one thing now and a different thing later?

Is any or all of this ok? Yes.

Our interests change, the world changes, and we change. We don't have to have one specific passion that we earnestly seek.

It is important to see that there is something distinctively unique inside of us, something personal, that we are meant to discover and explore.

That is what personal projects are for. We can have many small or big ones over many years. It's about pursuing whatever is inside of you in this season of life. 

What is a personal project and what is it not?

It is your box, not someone else's box

We have all these different boxes in our life: work, family, friends, significant other, other responsibilities, etc. A lot of times we try to fit ourselves or spread our time amongst the boxes. But where is our box? Where is the box that we don't have to fit ourselves into? Where is the box that is dedicated to spending time on you?

That is what personal projects for. They give you your own box to spend time putting your smallest and biggest ideas.

A timeline for when something will be pursued, not something that gets put on the back-burner (again)

We say a lot how cool it would be to do "fill in the blank" someday. Well that someday can be today.

Personal projects allow us to make what I call a "growth, but graceful" timeline for completing something. We can create a deadline that is close enough that it motivates us to work on the project, but far enough out so it is realistic and attainable.

An action plan for how you're going to do something, not a forever winding road to the destination

A lot of times we say we want to do something, but we just aren't sure how to do it.

Personal projects allow us to think through and lay out the steps for what we want to do. It allows us to have a glimpse of where we are going, even if that requires a few U-turns along the way.

Time spent on something fulfilling and happy, not something unfulfilling or boring

Our lives are meant to be lived to the fullest, whatever that may look like for us.

Personal projects are a way we can check in on what is actually fulfilling to us. We can be more intentional on doing things that are going to bring us the most amount of happiness, and leave what isn't serving us behind.

Why you want a personal project?

Puts less pressure on receiving happiness from somewhere else

We've all heard, "don't put all your eggs in one basket." It is the same with our happiness. Sometimes we can put overwhelming pressure on 1 thing such as our work or romantic relationships to make us happy. That can be self-sabotaging at times and actually make our relationship with those things worse.

Having a personal project allows us to have another outlet for our happiness and one that we have a lot of power to be creative in. It is often that I notice that my relationships with the other things in my life have gotten better due to being able to pursue my personal projects.

Get to use your downtime how you actually want

When we finally get to have some downtime in our day, we sometimes don't know what to do with ourselves. Our go-to ends up being what the great marketers of the world have told us to do: social media scroll, binge Netflix, and online shop.

While there is nothing wrong with any of those things, personal projects give us the opportunity to consider what we actually want to do. Is it relax and watch Netflix, or make a recipe from the cookbook you've been wanting to open? Neither is right or wrong, but personal projects help us to make the choice of how we actually want to spend our downtime.

Allows you to explore a new version of success

Our forms of success could be what job we have, what house we live in, who we are dating, or how much money we make. What if we measured our success on how happy we were doing something? Not the destination or the result, but the actual journey to doing something?

Personal projects give us the opportunity to explore the activities, practices, and habits that make us the happiest, sometimes guiding us to a better destination than we could have even imagined.

So the question is, are you going to answer the door?

Boredom to Creativity: 4 Keys to Kick-Starting Your Dream Project

Unsplash | Jess Bailey

One of my least favorite feelings? Boredom.

When boredom happens, I do what I can to get rid of it.

Some people say boredom is good as it forces you to be creative with your time.

However, in the age of technology and the world at our fingertips, we aren't always channeling that boredom into creativity.

A lot of times we channel our boredom into scrolling or going down the rabbit hole of social media.

Often, it happens that we are looking at things we don't really care about or don't add value to our life. We will just look for anything and everything that could stimulate us and counteract the boredom.

Whenever there is a season where it gets colder, there isn't as much going on, or you're stuck at home, a little more boredom kicks in than usual.

How can we channel boredom into creativity? How can we channel the boredom into things we care about and are going to add value to our lives?

A project or hobby.

I love a good project or hobby and I love supporting people in theirs.

I started getting into projects and hobbies right after college. I felt I had this new sense of time on my hands and I knew I wanted to do something with it. So, I jumped into projects.

In the past 2.5 years, I have started a podcast, a blog, yoga teacher training, and have a few more things coming down the pipeline.

I've found these projects to be fulfilling and made me enjoy not just the project, but even the other parts of my life more.

I've gotten asked a lot of questions around how we can find these projects or hobbies.

My initial answer is the projects I pursued just came to me. However, looking back to when I started projects, they wouldn't have been possible to find without a few key things.

Here are 4 things that led me to the projects I wanted to pursue.

Realized what I loved and kept doing that.

I think a lot of times in order to pursue a project or hobby, we feel like we have to do something completely new. When really the project or hobby could be something we are already doing.

I started paying attention to what I loved and kept doing it. Eventually, something bigger evolved from the things I was already doing.

I was obsessed with podcasts and listened to them everyday. I ended up starting my own podcast. I loved writing and journals. I ended up starting a blog. I loved yoga and connecting the mind and body together. I decided to sign up for yoga teacher training. 

We can take what we already love and already doing, and scale it up.

Started paying attention to what wasn't bringing me fulfillment & stopped doing that.

Sometimes we need to get rid of the old in order to bring in the new.

I realized that in order to have time to explore and pursue these projects and hobbies, I needed to get rid of the things that were in my way. There were things I was doing that weren't fulfilling and taking time away from something, like a project or hobby, that could be fulfilling.

I was someone who, and still am sometimes, uses excessive social media scrolling or Netflix watching to stimulate me. Don't get me wrong, I love both social media and Netflix, but an excessive amount isn't very fulfilling to me. I had to challenge myself to channel my boredom towards something more creative and fulfilling (which was not easy btw as these platforms are meant to be addictive).

We can challenge ourselves to take the things that aren't serving us and replace it with a project or hobby that is more fulfilling.

Gave myself permission to reinvent myself.

If we want to be something new or different, we have to do something new or different.

Before I started working on my first project, I told myself I was allowed to do something I haven't done before. Anything was possible.

This was key as sometimes we don't pursue projects because we don't feel like they're "us" or that people will think they're weird.

Each day, we can wake up and do whatever you want to do and be whatever you want to be. So much so that each day can be a new project or hobby.

Opened my eyes, ears, mind, and heart to new things.

Are you walking around with a closed heart or open heart?

In order to find new projects and hobbies, you have to walk around with open eyes, ears, mind, and heart. If you don't, you will only see, hear, think, and feel the things you did before and nothing new.

Being open allows you to receive the signs and clarity on what you're to pursue.

Most of the time, the clarity comes when you least expect.

Boredom can be hard and frustrating. It can be challenging to get rid of or even channel the way we want to.

It can take time, energy, and resiliency.

I've found that it is all worth it because we all have a project or hobby to offer the world.

What's yours going to be?

Lean Into What You Want To Do, Not What You Want To Be

I remember when I decided I wanted to be a podcaster.

I had listened to so many podcasts for a long time and really admired the hosts. They seemed like they were having so much fun and sharing some valuable content with the world.

I wanted to be just like them.

When I found out one of my favorite podcasters had made a podcasting course, I jumped right in.

To me, being a podcaster looked like…

Consistently releasing episodes once per week

Doing interviews with inspiring guests

Recording insightful solo episodes

Posting often on social media to promote your show

Having hundreds of listens on every episode

After over a year of doing what I thought a podcaster is supposed to do, I realized I didn't even like doing half the things it took to put on a podcast.

I didn't realize that being a podcaster also came along with hours of editing, making sure sound quality was good, coordinating time in your and your guest's busy schedules to record, and a lot of patience to build and engage an audience over time.

I found myself uninspired, burnt out, and unfulfilled.

Don't get me wrong, I loved creating and doing the podcast as it is one of the things I most proud of for myself.

However, I found the biggest mistake I made in approaching this project was I was trying to be like other podcasters, instead of exploring what I wanted podcasting to look like for me.

I realized I was focusing so much on what I wanted to BE instead of what I wanted to DO. This is what left me unfulfilled.

As I transitioned out of podcasting and started to look for next projects or new goals, I knew I had to approach the next thing with a different mindset.

what do I want to do instead of what do I want to be

When I started channeling this mindset of what do I want to do, I realized one thing I wanted to do was write.

I had always enjoyed writing when I was younger. I was an avid journaler. My favorite part of the podcasting was writing the solo episodes. I just found writing very soothing.

I didn't know what I wanted to be with writing, but that didn't matter because this was about doing.

I already had a website, so why not just starting writing a blog on there and see what comes of it. I didn't even consider myself a blogger, I was just writing.

I have been writing for 5 months now. I try to write every morning before the day gets away from me.

I found I was writing so much that I started creating a blog post every week.

I wanted to share my writing with others so I started talking about it on Instagram and Facebook. I felt like I wanted to share even more so I started a weekly newsletter.

I started to see some traction with people reading my content so I started tracking my growth. I was curious as to how many people were reading my content and where they were getting it from.

Despite all the things I was doing with writing and evolution of it, here is what really happened when I made this transition from what I want to be to what I want to do.

Tasks became fulfilling

When I was focusing on what I wanted to be, I would make a checklist of all the things I needed to do and maybe one of them was fulfilling. When I started focusing on what I wanted to do, the tasks, even if they weren't the most exciting, felt so aligned to who I was and what I wanted to do that they became fulfilling.

Creativity was allowed

When I was focusing on what I wanted to be, I felt like there was only 1 path and it was the path I watched someone else take. When I started focusing on what I wanted to do, it really opened up my mind to all the different paths I could take. It showed me that I didn't need to be afraid to take the road others hadn't. I could channel my curiosity and interests, and take the path that was best for me. Sometimes this took me down unexpected paths that I didn’t know were possible.

Goals seemed manageable

Sometimes having a goal of "being" something can seem overwhelming and almost impossible to achieve. It can be hard to even know the first step to take. When I set my sights on what I wanted to do, I could break things down into smaller steps to complete the task. I found myself so much more motivated to go after the task or goal now that it seemed manageable.

My own path and pace of growth was defined

When I was striving so hard to be something, I got impatient with my growth. I was wondering why I wasn't getting the results I wanted or results as fast as I wanted. When I started focusing on what I wanted to do, I saw growth happening in the direction I wanted and a pace that felt right to me. I've found sometimes the continual, slow growth is the most rewarding.

Making the mindset shift from what do I want to be to what do I want to do has been a game-changer for me.

It has led me to something I'm passionate about.

It has led me to feel like I have new purpose for my life.

It has led me to believe that all the things I want to do will lead me to a person I'm proud to be.

How I’m Seeing My Social Media Idols Differently

Unsplash | Georgia de Lotz

I was first introduced to Rachel Hollis when a friend recommended her podcast, Rise, to me. She knew I was into personal development and it was the perfect listen for my long commute home from work. I listened every week.

Not long after, I was introduced to Rachel’s book, Girl, Wash Your Face. I read it front to back in just a few days. It was like she was speaking to my perfectionism, my goal-setting mindset, and the belief that you could make your big dreams happen.

I then found out Rachel had a podcast with her husband Dave, called Rise Together. It was centered around creating a strong relationship and marriage.

I also followed both of them on Instagram.

I was a Rachel and Dave Hollis groupie I will admit. I loved what they stood for and looked up to them for everything from relationships to making your dreams a reality.

Last month, Rachel and Dave announced on Instagram that they were getting divorced.

I was in shock. I was sad. More than anything I was confused.

I thought: How could they? If they were so perfect, how could they separate? Was everything they said fake?

Then I took a step back.

I thought about how hard it must have been to not only come to this decision, but share the news on social media with their combined 2.2 million followers.

In my eyes, Rachel and Dave were a symbol of perfection. I idolized them and their relationship. I did not see them as normal people.

I tend to do this with a lot of the podcasters, authors, and social media personalities I follow. I see them as a symbol of perfection.

I have come to realize that behind the screen, book, and headphones, they’re people just like us.

Since hearing the announcement from Rachel and Dave, I decided to rethink how I consume content from my idols.

Here are 3 things I try to keep in mind:

Just because they're speaking about it, doesn't mean they're perfect.

The people I look up to seem to have it all together, but even they would tell you they don't have it all figured out. None of us will have it all figured out.

If someone gives career, marriage, or parenting advice, it doesn't mean they don't have problems. If they didn't have problems, they would have nothing to talk about.

Even if they don't have it all figured out, it doesn't mean they shouldn't be speaking about it. Some people are more brave and vulnerable about sharing what works for them.

I'm thankful for people like Rachel and Dave that are willing to speak about life’s hardships. They remind us that we aren’t the only ones with problems.

They're not fake if they change their mind.

If someone decides to pursue another path, change their outlook on life, or has a new opinion, it doesn't make them fake or phony.

We use words like fake because people feel that a change or disruption ruins that picture perfect image we have in our head. In reality, that image never truly existed. They are like us, human.

When people change their mind, it shows they're growing and learning like we are supposed to do.

No one needs permission to change their mind. If someone learns new information, they can change their mind.

I listened to Rachel's first podcast episode since announcing her separation and she explained how during the Coronavirus she was writing a book about how to get through grief. Then her separation happened. She had to go back and re-evaluate how she wanted to talk about grief. Her explanation really hit home. No one has it all figured out and we are going to change our minds.

Take their advice, but know that this is their journey, not yours.

When we look up to someone, we want to do everything they did. We love their image and want to mirror their life and success. We see their life as a symbol of perfection.

I've realized while it is great to take inspiration from the people you look up to, it is not THE journey. It is their journey and you can have your own.

Doing exactly everything they did to a T is not the only way to do things. Following everything they do will only build the life they wanted. It will not build the life you wanted. 

Take bits and pieces of what they did and see how it applies to your life. Create your journey, one you can be proud of.

In this case, we can still take Rachel and Dave’s marriage advice. Maybe some things worked for them at one point. Maybe they can work for you too.

Whether we have realized it or not, a lot of us are consuming content in a way that makes us idolize the authors.

Instead, we need to take the candid content that people like Rachel and Dave are creating as an opportunity. An opportunity to relate to them and reflect on our own lives. An opportunity to say “me too” or “I never thought about it that way.”

Relating and reflecting allows us to humanize the content we are consuming. It allows us to see the person behind the screen, book, and headphones for who they’re and not the image we made them out to be.

Can I Be Something Else?

Podcaster. It is part of my identity. It has been for over year now. When I take on a label like that, I wear it with pride and go all in on it.

I've been thinking though, if I'm no longer a podcaster than who am I?

My brain:

"Someone that doesn't know what they want"

"Someone that isn't serious about what they're doing"

"A nobody because this is how I became a somebody"

A little harsh huh? I would never say that to a friend or family member, so why am I saying it to myself? I've recognized its time for little more grace, and a lot less judgement.

If I'm no longer a podcaster, it doesn't mean I don't know what I want, I'm not serious about what I'm doing, or I'm a nobody because this is what made me a somebody.

It maybe took a global pandemic and the whole world stopping, but I realized that SOMEBODY had to make this great thing and that SOMEBODY was me.

I did that, it was me. That means I was a somebody before all of this. If that is the case, maybe that somebody can create or be good at something else too.

So I'm doing some re-wiring. I'm shifting from this harsh, negative self-talk. If I'm no longer a podcaster, than…

I AM SOMEBODY WHO IS GROWING.

Plain and simple. Maybe I should paint that on a canvas, or sew it on a pillow as my sisters would tell me after every cliché I say. Maybe I’ll put that in my Instagram bio as I don’t have a better way to describe myself right now. I'm somebody who is growing.

I think back to long before I started the podcast. In college when we had to create personal mission statements for ourselves, the one I created for myself was to…

DIVERSIFY MY EXPERIENCES TO ALLOW MYSELF TO GROW.

Maybe 22-year-old Claire was onto something there. Try some new things here and there to see where it takes you.

So if you're wondering where I'm at with re-wiring my brain, I'm taking a break from being a podcaster and trying this blogger thing. Maybe I'll come back to it, maybe I won't.

Right now though, along with blogging, I'm also embracing being an interior decorator making the coziest work from home space, a nail artist trying a new color almost every day, a yogi that uses Ohio's humidity to supplement a hot studio, and a nightly cribbage champion (although my boyfriend may beg to differ).

So I'll be here blogging about different mindfulness practices I'm trying, books/podcasts/people that inspire me, epiphanies I've had while growing, and lifestyle changes I've made to keep me centered in an ever-changing world.

But who knows, maybe I'll pivot from that to blogging about gardening and running. I'll just keep growing and keep you on your toes.