What is Helping Me Grieve

Aejaz Memon

I was reminded recently of the power of a morning routine, especially during a time of loss, a breakup, or when life hits us hardest.

Like when I lost my grandfather in February 2022.

The morning after his passing, I woke up and I had to remind myself that it happened.

This continued on for the next couple mornings. The alarm went off, I woke up, and I have to remember all over again.

I thought how am I possibly supposed to get out of bed when I’m dealing with this heartache?

Something that did get me out of bed was my morning routine.

Making some coffee and sitting down with my journal is my usual go-to.

So that is what I did.

Having a morning routine setup helped me in 2 ways:

Gave me the scheduled time to grieve & check in with myself

I’ve noticed that depending on the day, it can either feel like there is a lot of time in the day to grieve or none at all.

Utilizing my morning routine as a check in on how I was doing was powerful. It gave me space and created a boundary at the same time.

My morning routine became a place to land softly.

Gave me the 1st step to take for the day

We don’t need to know what the whole day is going to look like, just what is the first thing to do.

Having the 1st thing in my back pocket made me feel like there was purpose in the day when I felt a little lost.

Usually after I do the 1st thing, it becomes apparent what the next thing is and the next thing is after that.

My morning routine became the springboard for the rest of the day.

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This isn’t to say a morning routine is going to fix all my sadness I’m feeling.

But having one setup already made me feel empowered when the hard times did hit.

I can keep it simple too. Sitting with a cup of coffee, journaling, a meditation, a prayer, or a walk.

A morning routine helped me feel equipped to go from “this really sucks right now” to “I’m capable of moving forward.”

Make It Easier to Start a New Habit

Elena Mozhvilo

I remember when I started podcasting many years ago, I made a plan to record right after work each day.

The 1st day, I got home and tried to record. Not much progress was made.

Next day after work, I tried to record. Again, not much progress was made and I was getting frustrated with myself because of it.

The following day, I showed up to record. Again, not much progress was made to the point where I didn’t know if I even wanted to do it anymore.

I knew I wanted to inspire people to put their best foot forward in their life, but I was struggling to just take 1 step forward with this podcasting thing.

I always say the key to creating a new habit is to know 1) why you’re doing it and 2) how you’re going to make it happen.

I had both of these, so what was wrong?

I noticed I was trying to do this creative task when I was my most tired.

It was like I was starting at a deficit before I even began.

I needed to find a way to make it easier on myself. I needed to find a time where I could give myself a chance to succeed.

So I experimented with recording in the morning.

Holy cow, I started making progress that I didn’t know was possible.

With the way my brain is wired, I am just more creative in the morning. No other reason needed to explain it.

The same thing happened to me with working out.

If you listen to a lot of successful people, they say a key is to workout in the morning.

I’ve noticed that my body just doesn’t like to do that, so I don’t.

I have my best workouts at the end of the day because my brain is ready to turn off from work and my body takes over.

Sometimes we blame ourselves for not starting something because of low motivation or determination, but maybe we just haven’t become aware of when our brain and body work best.

When we take the time to experiment, observe, and adjust our day according to our brain and body, the habits start forming and the goals start getting met.

Can I Have Boundaries and Be A Fun Person?

Pan Xiaozhen

“You’re no fun!”

Yep, I’ve heard that one a couple of times.

Hearing that used to bother me A LOT. I really cared (and still do if I’m being honest) about being received as a “fun” person.

The times I usually hear “you’re no fun” is when it comes to my boundaries around sleep, alcohol, or alone time.

It makes me question if I can have boundaries and be a fun person?

The simple answer is YES.

It is about reminding myself why I’ve set the boundaries I’ve set.

You don’t set boundaries to restrict yourself from doing fun things. You set them to make room for the things that are most important to you. The things that are “fun” and fulfilling to YOU.

Maybe that is working out, spending time with someone you love, or making time for your passion project.

Setting boundaries is not easy. But when we get in the habit and get more comfortable with setting them, they’re a lot more likely to stick.

Here are the 3 scenarios that I find the most tricky to set boundaries.

Sleep

I have a very early bedtime because Claire with less than 8 hours of sleep is not pretty.

This doesn’t mean I’m not tough or am weak because I can’t function on less sleep. I have learned how much sleep I need to be able to function at the level I want to.

Sometimes that requires turning off Netflix early or leaving a party before midnight.

I try to remind myself that my sleep boundaries aren’t in place to restrict me from having fun. My sleep boundaries are in place to help me make room for other things to happen.

I know with little sleep I will have trouble being able to show up for my job, my workouts, and important people in my life in the way that I want to.

Other people may not agree with your sleep boundaries, but you’re, as Greg McKeown calls in his book Essentialism, “protecting the asset.”

McKeown has a whole chapter on the importance of sleep and he says…

“The best asset we have for making a contribution to the world is ourselves. If we underinvest in ourselves, and by that I mean our minds, bodies, and spirits, we damage the very tool we need to make our highest contribution.”

I’ve found protecting the asset starts with creating good sleep habits during your normal weekly routine.

I got in the habit of figuring out how many hours of sleep I need to function and I adjusted my bedtime and wake up time accordingly to make that work.

Once I started having a couple of weeks of good sleep habits (trust me didn’t happen overnight, no pun intended), when it came to that weekend night where I was out a little later, I had many nights of good sleep under my belt that allowed me to have fun and stay out a little later if I wanted to.

Now, how do I deal with my crankiness when I am tired? That is something I am still trying to work on.

Alcohol

Setting any boundaries around alcohol is so tough since it is so ingrained into our culture.

It’s the happy hours, the tailgates, the weddings, the catch up with college friends, or visiting the new winery or brewery in town.

In these social situations, sometimes people hope you drink as much as them so you can be on the same level, whatever that may mean.

Or the toughest is when you’re with people that knew how much you drank at one point in your life and they expect you to be that way now.

Sometimes it’s fun to drink and let loose a little, but other times I know the excessiveness isn’t going to serve me.

Deborah Adele writes in her book The Yamas and Niyamas about the yogic principle of brahmacharya, or nonexcess.

“Nonexcess is not about nonenjoyment. It actually is about enjoyment and pleasure in its fullest experience. The questions before us are: Are you eating the food, or is the food eating you? Are you doing the activity, or is the activity doing you? Can you enjoy pleasure without excess?”

Alcohol can take up more space in our lives than we want it to, especially if those hangover feelings hit the next day.

To keep it from taking up too much space, I have found sparkling water to be my favorite alternative. Or I’ve been out with friends who have ordered mocktails. Many companies now are coming out with non-alcoholic alternatives to their beers & wines. I’m interested in exploring these more.

Sometimes just getting in the habit of always having a glass of water in your hand can keep you occupied and from getting to a point you don’t want.

Alone Time

Being declared a “fun person” is usually determined by if you are willing to do what someone else wants you to do.

You’re that go with the flow person that says yes to everything.

But what if you don’t want to go to the party, event, or another happy hour?

Maybe you just want to stay home. Maybe you want time to work on your passion. Maybe you want to just lay on your floor and stare at the ceiling after a long week.

You’re allowed to do all of that and you don’t have to feel bad about it.

However, I know I feel guilty when I say no. Either guilt from myself or someone else.

But we can reframe this.

When we say no to something, we are usually saying yes to ourselves.

Yes to recharging, rejuvenating, and deciding what is the next right thing for us to do.

In Marlee Grace’s book How to Not Always Be Working, she quotes yoga teacher Rachelle Knowles:

“The tricky part about creating space to pause and practice is that at first it will need to be deliberate. It might even feel forced. Soon you’ll start to taste the sweetness of it all, which comes from knowing that every time you choose to pause, you are choosing yourself.”

This quote reminds me that setting boundaries is not something that happens overnight. It needs to become a habit in order for the boundaries to stick.

You Can Be More Than Your Day Job

Antonio Gabola

So what do you do for a living?

It is a common question to ask and feels like a safe question to ask someone when you first meet them.

But this is actually one of my least favorite questions.

It is one of my least favorite questions not because I’m not proud of my day job, but because I want people to know that there is more to me than my day job.

You see, for the past 3 years I’ve played in 2 different worlds.

I work in corporate supply chain as my day job, but outside of work you will find me devoting my time to my wellness blog.

However, I’ve never really felt like I’ve fit into either world completely.

I don’t feel like I fit into the typical corporate world because I have this creative and entrepreneurial mindset that I feel like I have to tone back sometimes.

I don’t feel like I fit into the wellness world because I haven’t gotten to the point (yet) where I have a business or I’m making money from it.

I’ve felt the need to pick 1 or be 1.

But maybe I don’t need to pick 1. Maybe I don’t need to pick 1 lane or the other, but I can create my own.

I’ve been realizing that creating my own lane is what could make me stand out in both lanes.

I can bring my creative and entrepreneurial mindset to the corporate work setting, and I can bring my strategic and operational skills from my day job to the entrepreneurial, wellness space.

I need to own the lane I’ve created for myself.

For me, this has been taking small steps like…

The “about” page on my wellness website says “wellness writer and corporate supply chain analyst.”

Along the same lines, my LinkedIn says “wellness writer” along with my day job title.

I can embrace all sides of me and not be 1 person somewhere and another person somewhere else.

When you create your own lane, it may seem like you’re trying to do everything or be everything.

But it really means you’re just getting really clear on what YOU want to do.

When we decide to create our own lane, we decide what our time looks like.

For me, that looks like early mornings and late nights of blogging, with my corporate day job inbetween. Maybe not typical, but it is what has worked for me.

When we give ourselves the permission to create our own lane, we can start doing the things we actually want to do, and it can lead us to our version of a fulfilling life.

How to Stop Procrastinating and Start Journaling

Jess Bailey

I remember before I started journaling in 2017, I thought about starting for about 6 months.

I kept saying “oh yea that would probably be a good thing for me to do” or “that is probably something I should do.”

Journaling just seemed daunting and I built it up to be something that requires too much time or energy.

At that point, you almost have to check yourself and ask is this something I actually want to do?

One day, I had a full mental breakdown about what I was doing with my life and decided yes journaling is something I want to do. I wanted to start making my mental health a priority.

(p.s. I recommend deciding you want to journal before you reach the breaking point, create a soft landing for yourself)

Even though I knew it was something I wanted to do, I was still putting up this mental barrier that was making it so hard to start.

That barrier starts coming down when you decide to put a plan or system in place of how you’re going to make it happen.

I could say I want to start journaling all I want, but it can’t actually happen until I decide what I’m going to do about it.

In order to actually start journaling, I had to 1) know why I was showing up and 2) have a plan for how I was going to do it.

Journaling is not easy, but it is about finding ways to make it easier and easier to show up, to the point where it is hard to make excuses not to.

Here are a few tricks to how you can make starting journaling easier.

Set yourself up with the tools now.

You don’t have to go out of your way to go buy a journal. Grab a journal on your next grocery trip or order one from Amazon that is going to be there in the next 1-2 days.

If you want to type out your journal entry instead of writing, start a blank document on your computer and maybe start journaling before you start work each day.

Pick a time that works for your brain.

Think about the course of your day and when you would be in the best headspace to journal.

When are you the least tired? When can you focus the most? When do you get a moment alone? Pick a time to journal that your brain can realistically be there to make it easier on yourself.

This could take some experimenting to figure it out.

For me, I’ve found the morning is a go-to because I can journal before the day has a chance to get away from me.

Say you’re going to experiment for 5 minutes.

You may feel like you have to journal for a certain amount of time or for a certain amount of pages. You may also feel like your journal has to look a certain way.

I recommend telling yourself that you’re going to try it for just 5 minutes. Write or draw or list whatever you want for 5 minutes.

This can get you started and more often than not, you will journal for more than 5 minutes and get into deep thought that leads you to your next clear decision, idea, or action you want to take in your life.

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You can also apply these tricks to anything else you want to start, i.e. working out, reading more, working on a side hustle, etc.

Set yourself up with the tools now. Pick a time that works for your brain. Say you’re going to experiment with it for 5 minutes. You got this.

How to Create Soft Landings for Yourself

Antoine Martin

Whenever I’ve told someone about a big change I’ve made in my life, my favorite response I’ve gotten is “wishing you soft landings.”

I love that phrase. Soft landings.

It is like being applauded for jumping off the cliff, but wishing you the best that you don’t fall hard.

When we make a big jump, we don’t really know if it is going to be a hard or soft landing.

I think back to my gymnastics days when I would do a tumbling pass and wasn’t always sure how I was going to land.

I think about when I was interviewing for new jobs and you really don’t know how the job is going to be until you get into it.

There are things out of our control that make us not know how things are going to end up or how we are going to land.

But I think there is a way to make the landings softer.

For gymnastics, you can bring some extra mats out and train yourself to bend your knees when you land so that the impact isn’t so hard.

In job interviews, you can talk to as many people as you can and do your research to get more information if the company culture is right for you.

Doing these things doesn’t guarantee we are going to land softly, but how do we make it more likely?

It comes down to having habits and people set up for yourself before you even jump.

Doesn’t mean you have to wait for your life to be perfect to jump, but having some things already set in place can make the landings a little softer and less scary.

Here are a few things that have helped me land softer and have made me more likely to jump.

Journaling

This is the first soft landing I ever put in place for myself.

When I started journaling over 4 years ago, it was to have a place for my thoughts, feelings, hopes, and fears to land. Journaling still serves that purpose for me today.

It is a place to challenge myself to write out whatever I’m thinking without judgment. Some of my biggest decisions, ideas, and realizations have come from sitting down to write in my journal for just 5 minutes.

Morning Routine

Morning Routines have been a soft landing for me because even when things are tough or uncertain, I still know how I’m going to start the day.

You just have to start, and everything else will come after.

Having a few simple tasks that I do every morning helps me at least get out of bed and puts some control back in my life when it can feel like there isn’t any.

Support System

This comes down to what I talked about in this blog post about letting people know what is going on in your life so that they know how to support you when you do jump.

As I reflect on some of the big changes I’ve made, I picture myself jumping off a cliff, my family catching me, and then lightly setting me on my feet. I question, and am slightly convinced, that I would have hit the ground without their support.

Therapy

I’ve found it helpful to not only talk to people in your life about what is going on, but talk to an outside person that does not have as much stake in your life.

My therapist is that person for me.

She can ask the hard questions without me wondering if she is guiding me to an answer that fits her agenda or caters to her opinion. Her agenda is to have an open conversation and give me tools that make me feel capable of taking on whatever it is in my life.

I almost think of therapists as “professional cliff catchers.”

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As you can maybe tell, it isn’t about what the jump is or how you make it.

It is about what habits and support systems you can set up for yourself so that no matter what or how or when you jump, you know you will be capable of landing softly.

What I've Learned About Starting Over

Kelly Sikkema

I’m in a season of starting over.

I’ve moved cities. I’m living by myself for the first time. I’m changing jobs. I’m reevaluating how I spend my time and who I spend my time with. And that is just to name a few things going on.

I also call the season of starting over as a season of re-inventment.

I’ve started over before, but it has been different each time.

It made me think about the essence of starting over. There are 2 sides to it.

It can be a positive change that is exciting and makes you feel hopeful.

Or you could take a different view and ask “how did I get to the point that I felt I needed to start over?”

I wouldn’t call this a negative view; I would call this a reflective view.

Starting over can be good in so many ways and sometimes it is very needed.

But what makes us get to the point of feeling we need to re-invent?

I’ve noticed we feel the need to start over when we become someone we no longer want to be.

And that’s ok.

I’m a big advocate for changing your mind over and over again and it takes courage to decide that the old version of you is not who you want to be.

But how do we make sure that there are more days of being proud of the person we are today than days of feeling the need to start over?

I think there are 3 things that can help us with this.

Surrounding yourself with the right people

The times I have found myself off course is when I’m not surrounding myself with the right people.

No matter how hard you fight it, you’re a combination of the 5 people you spend the most time with.

Are the people I’m spending time with inspiring me to be the person I want to be?

Am I inspiring them to be someone they want to be?

Just asking these questions, even about the people you have been around for years, I have found can be very eye-opening sometimes.

Following your intuition

There have been times where I’ve mistaken intuition for anxiety.

It was like my intuition or gut was telling me to do something and I didn’t want to listen to it, so it gave me anxiety.

Listening to your gut can be really hard and can feel not always logical. But as soon as I started listening to it, it was like a weight was lifted that I didn’t know was there.

Just making that 1 decision to listen to my intuition has led me to making a lot of other decisions that align to the person I want to be.

Not losing sight of what you find important

It has become more apparent to me recently that we don’t all have the same goals or priorities. And that is ok.

We are all going down our own paths that are perfectly crafted for us. But it is easy to forget that someone else’s path is not always your path.

The times I’ve gotten off track is when I forgot where I wanted to go, what I wanted to do, and why I wanted to do it.

It might honestly be easier to get off track these days than stay on track.

It takes checking in with ourselves and sometimes getting really quiet to know what is important to us.

Once we know what that is, we can’t lose sight of it.

I think the key in all of this is to take both a positive and reflective view. We can have hope for the future while also learning from the past.

3 Benefits of Vulnerability and Sharing Your Story

Kelly Sikkema

Have you ever not told your story out of fear of what someone might think?

Maybe you have 1 or 2 sections or boxes of your life that particularly come to mind that you try to hold back from getting too deep into conversation about.

You keep it surface level. Always.

If you do happen to get into that conversation, you fear that as you’re telling a story the other person will start making 1 of the faces that say…

“I’m really not interested in what you’re saying.”

“That is the stupidest idea ever!” 

“Why is that something you’re anxious about?”

You don’t even need the verbal cues, it is all in their face.

I have been there, experienced that, felt that. I’ve done everything I could to keep from getting that face.

I recognize that I could also be making up a story in my head based on their facial reactions.

But either way, I’ve felt that fear based on the social cues I get.

But guess what?

The people that might be making that disinterested or judging face while you tell your story probably don’t get it and it is not our job for them to get it.

Every person we tell our story to is going to take something different away.

Maybe it is good and maybe it is bad, but we don’t really get to choose which one they pick.

But I have found that there are special people out there that are going to get it and it is going to take you telling your story to find them.

They see where you’re coming from, they understand the anxiety, and maybe they’ve even been there.

And there will be other people that won’t get it, but still go out of their way to understand you and provide the support that they can. They’re special too.

But how are we going to know if those special people are out there if we don’t share our story?

How can you discern the not-so-special people (the face makers) from the special people (the supporters) if you don’t tell your story?

Here are 3 perks to being a little more vulnerable:

Gives others permission to share.

There are a couple of people I’ve come across that don’t share much about their life. They keep things close to the chest.

When this thought comes to mind I try to ask myself, do they feel like they can share? Do I share with them?

Everyone gets to pick what they want to share and who to share it with. However, if you tell your story and put yourself out there, others are more likely to feel they have permission to tell their own story.

Maybe you can find a special person in each other.

Remember, the permission to tell your own story has always been there. It just needs to be granted by yourself.

It lets people know how to support you during big moments.

This is HUGE! If you’re excited about something, then tell someone. If you’re anxious about something, open up about it. If you’re hopeful about something, let those close to you know.

Because whether things end up in your favor or not, the people around you will know how to support you during the outcome.

They can be the person to celebrate things going better than expected, or the shoulder to lean on when you’re bummed out.

But they won’t know how you’re feeling about it unless you tell them.

Helps connect with people in ways you didn’t know.

Most of the stories we don’t tell are the hard ones and the ones we need the most support.

We only see the highlight reel on social media or the filtered version of what people decide to tell us. But there are people going through really hard things like you’re.

I remember being hesitant to tell a friend about a health issue I was having. What do you know, another friend of hers was having the same health issue and she connected us so we could support each other.

I remember being nervous to tell someone a hard thing I had experienced in a previous relationship. Come to find out they had been through the exact same thing.

It isn’t easy to say the hard things, but maybe it is what brings us closer together.

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Maybe I’m writing this because I have to remind myself of the reasons to be vulnerable and tell my story over and over again.

My 2 sections or boxes of my life I’m not that great at sharing? 1) dreams I have for this blog and 2) romantic relationships.

Once I realized that the things I hold back from sharing are big parts of my life, I began to share them more and I’m proud of the huge strides I’ve taken.

And I’m not talking about sharing on social media (an entirely different beast). I’m talking about sharing with family and friends. The special people.

However, I do believe there are people out there on social media that can join the special people club, which I think is part of the reason I show up the way I do in my writing.

In a world that can feel so lonely, sometimes it takes opening up and connecting with 1 special person to make everything feel alright.

My Must-Read Books of 2022

The other day I decided I was going to walk to a bookstore to buy a book instead of jumping on Amazon to buy it.

And wow was it my new favorite thing ever.

I’m someone who likes reading a physical book rather than reading it digitally or listening to an audio book. Makes sense that I would like this act of going to physically pick out a book.

I was standing in the self help section, the usual place you’ll find me, and saw a lady pick up The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron.

I said to her “get it, one of my favorite books of all time!”

She responded with, “well I’m actually looking to give it as a gift.”

I said, “even better!”

It made me think, what other books would make me want to give a stranger my unsolicited opinion because I just loved the book so much? There aren’t many. Just the ones that change the way I look at the world and my life.

Here are a few books I would say “get it!” with no hesitation (in no particular order):

The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron

First, you don’t have to be an artist to read this book, but aren’t we all artists in our own way? This book dives into creating a morning pages practice (journaling) and taking yourself on artist’s dates (your time to play & explore).

How to Not Always Be Working by Marlee Grace

I’ve read this book several times when I’m feeling burnt out or lacking inspiration. It simplifies the work vs. play distinction and challenges you to reconsider what is work, when you work, where you work, etc.

The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown

Before reading the book, Brene advises taking her online Wholehearted Inventory quiz. The quiz coincides with the chapters of the book, focusing on letting go of perfectionism, comparison, and anxiety as a lifestyle, and cultivating self-compassion, creativity, and calm/stillness.

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

This is my favorite “book before bed” read as it simplifies the path to personal freedom. Helps remove the expectations from ourselves and others, and emphasizes the power of truthfulness and trying your best.

The Yamas and Niyamas by Deborah Adele

This book explains the yoga principles, which have really become life principles for me. Each principle builds on itself and starts with ahimsa, meaning nonviolence or do no harm.

Untamed by Glennon Doyle

Glennon takes us through her stories of being let out of the cage and no longer needing to be tamed, while other stories are about setting boundaries to what she lets into her life. I love her writing style as somehow she always slips a lesson into a story she hooked you into.

No Hard Feelings by Liz Fosslien and Molly Duffy West

That self help book with pictures you’ve been looking for. Liz & Molly beautifully show us through their words and illustrations how to not put so much pressure on ourselves, our work, and live a little. Many of the illustrations I found myself saying “yep that’s me every day.”

I’m building my 2022 book list! What books have changed the way you look at the world and you would tell a stranger to “get it?!” Comment below or send me an email.

How A Journal Helps Us Face Our Fears

Daria Shevtsova

When I started journaling, it was really hard to get words on the page.

Even 4 years of journaling later, some days it is still hard to get the words on the page. However, I do promise it does get much easier over time.

Why is it so hard to know what to write?

If it is so hard, why do I keep going with it?

The most simple answer I can come up with is that the work I do in my journal prepares me for the work I want to do in my life. 

The difficult decisions, the courageous conversations, and living a life that makes me feel alive.

My journal gives me the chance to sort through the kinks and pent up emotion before it is presented to the world.

Not in a perfectionist way, but in a “I am aware of where I’m at today” way.

Some days of journaling are filled with gratitude and celebration. Other days, I hesitate to write anything down at all.

I realized where the hesitation comes from. It comes from fear.

Who knew that writing something down was so scary, but it is. It feels like if I write something down it is permanent or it defines who I am.

However, whatever it may be, if I am afraid to confront it in my journal, I’ll likely be afraid to confront it in my life.

So might as confront the fears in a safe space where the only judgment comes from yourself.

I realized when I’m journaling, the fears usually fall into 1 of 4 buckets.

Here are the 4 most common fears I encounter when I journal. Maybe you can relate.

I fear it won’t be good enough.

I’m not sure what I expect my journal entry to look like, but I am afraid it won’t be good enough. That I’m not addressing enough of what is going on in my life or writing enough or doing it with enough intentionality. Then I remind myself that I showed up to my journal at all and that is enough in itself.

I fear my fears.

You would think that it would be easier to face your fears in your journal rather than the real world. While it probably is, that doesn’t make writing down your fears any easier. I have found, though, that writing down my fears explains a lot of the feelings I haven’t been able to explain.

I fear my dreams.

I’m worried that if I write a dream down and it doesn’t happen, then I’m a fraud or a failure. But if I don’t acknowledge the things I want to do, how will I ever be able to acknowledge the actions I need to take to make my dreams happen?

I fear reality.

It can be scary to write the actual facts of life down. My journal is this perfect little world to me, but reality is out there. There are hard things that need to be dealt with, but journaling through it can make the reality seem more manageable and you more capable.

I want to leave you with Brene Brown’s words from her book The Gifts of Imperfection:

“Gremlins are like toddlers. If you ignore them, they get louder. It’s usually best to just acknowledge the messages. Write them down. I know it seems counterintuitive, but writing them down and owning the gremlins’ message doesn’t give the messages more power, it gives us more power. It gives us the opportunity to say, ‘I get it. I see that I’m afraid of this, but I’m going to do it anyway.’”

Let’s decide we are going to do it anyway.

How I Found A Meditation Practice That Works For Me

Katerina Jerabkova

We could probably set a record for how many times we’ve heard about the benefits of meditation.

I don’t know about you, but I could probably set a higher record for the amount of times I’ve tried creating a meditation practice and quit it.

Meditation is not as easy as sitting there with your eyes closed quietly. I’ve found it does not come naturally to the busy bee or the impatient.

I’ve tried doing 5 minute meditations on my own.

I’ve tried using the Calm or Headspace apps and they got me a little further along.

During my yoga teacher training, I tried sitting in different postures and using different props to see if calming my body would calm my mind. That got me a little closer too.

But I just couldn’t get a meditation practice to stick.

It wasn’t until I did my reiki training that I was getting somewhere.

Reiki is a Japanese healing method that consists of a transfer of universal energy. A reiki practitioner will place their palms on or above a client and transfer the universal energy with the goal of getting the client’s cells to vibrate at a higher frequency. When your cells vibrate at a higher frequency, a person can become less susceptible to illness, disease, depression, etc.

This was a training I did during my yoga teacher training as reiki is a method some yoga teachers use during their classes. I was intrigued by the practice.

The way I describe it to people who have never heard of reiki is that it is like getting a hug from someone you love and that loving energy being transferred to you. A reiki practitioner or master doesn’t have any more magical power than anyone else, but is trained to transfer the energy in an intentional way.

So I started doing reiki on myself. I would sit straight and tall, and place 1 hand on my heart and 1 heart on my belly, breathe deeply into my hands, and I would send the universal energy to myself.

I’ll admit I was skeptical about reiki at first, but I found my mind starting to quiet for the first time.

I was amazed.

I thought why was reiki working for me, but meditation wasn’t? Are meditation and reiki the same?

It depends on how you look at it. Some would say they’re the same and some would say there are a world of differences, and I’m not here to debate the contrast.

I’ve learned that it isn’t about saying you’re doing meditation or saying you’re doing reiki, but it’s about finding something that works for you.

I wanted to quiet my mind and I found a way to do it.

I think we get tripped up about doing a method, like meditation, “correctly.”

It isn’t about what you’re doing, but the intent behind it. Both meditation and reiki are ways to help my body, mind, soul, increase the vibrations in my body, and create stillness.

One of my favorite authors, Brene Brown, shares her definition of stillness in her book The Gifts of Imperfection. Maybe it resonates with you too.

“Stillness is not about focusing on nothingness, it’s about creating a clearing. It’s opening up an emotionally clutter-free space and allowing ourselves to feel and think and dream and question.”

For more information on reiki, I recommend checking out this website or this book. Both resources were created by my reiki master, Cortney Martinelli.

The Habit Tracker That Keeps Me Consistent

The reason I stay on social media is for connection and inspiration, and I found that at the beginning of 2021.

My Instagram friend @MaryBrickerYoga (I did eventually meet her in person) had posted a tracker she was using to hold herself accountable for showing up to yoga in 2021.

I connected with her and told her how much I loved the tracker. She inspired me to expand more on it.

I created a tracker titled “Show Up For Your Body 2021” with 365 boxes on it . Each day, I challenged myself to do some form of movement for at least 30 minutes.

That could be a walk, hot yoga, vinyasa yoga, lifting, stretching, kayaking, etc. Each type of movement I assigned a color. At the end of each day, I colored a box with the color/movement I did that day.

Some days had multiple colors with yellow for my lunchtime walk and purple for my after-work lift. Eventually I added a color to the tracker that was designated for “trying something new” to allow myself to stray from the usual course.

As a go-getter, busy-bee, and perfectionist, this tracker has been a game changer for me and living the life I want.

Challenged me to show up

This tracker gave me a reason and a reminder to show up every day. It was the accountability partner I needed to make movement a priority.

Gave me options on how to show up

This tracker gave me permission to choose what movement felt good that day. It also challenged me to diversify my movements from day to day and do the cross-training that your body needs.

Helped me be graceful with myself

On the days where I just couldn’t get movement in, I left the box white and that was ok. It didn’t mean I couldn’t make it colorful the next day. After all, sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is create a little bit of white space.

Visually appealing & could hang up as a reminder

As the year went on, I loved seeing all the colors on the tracker come together. Might sound crazy, but I feel like I started creating art out of my life experiences. I hung it up in my home as an inspiration to add some more color to it and my life.

Did it with others so I knew I wasn’t in this alone

At the end of each month, I would post my progress to my Instagram story and Mary, along with some others, would post as well and tag each other. It felt like you weren’t showing up alone. Everyone’s tracker looked a little different, but we were all trying to show up for ourselves.

As 2021 comes to an end, I decided to create a tracker to use in 2022 and I’m sharing it with you all.

You don’t have to use it for accountability with your workouts, but really any habit or growth you want to focus on in the coming year. Could be showing up to journal, your morning routine, or focusing on the growth of your business.

2022 (and every year) is about showing up and this can be a resource to help you stay on track!

Get the tracker here and let me know when you start using it!

Why Your Hard Work Will Never Go To Waste

Conor Samuel

I was talking to someone the other day who had gotten their 200-hour yoga teacher certification.

Even though she had completed her certification a while ago, she wasn’t currently teaching.

She expressed how because she spent all this time and money on the certification, she felt the pressure to be doing something with it.

I could relate.

I completed my 200-hour yoga teacher certification earlier this year and I’m not teaching a regular class, but I feel the pressure to.

I convince myself sometimes that if I’m not doing anything with it right now, then all the time, money, and energy I spent was a waste.

I’ve heard people say that about the college degrees they get. They get their degree in music and end up doing something in the food industry, or they get a biology degree and end up doing something in business.

All the work can feel like a waste.

But it NEVER is.

I try not to use the word “never” or “always” in my writing, but this time I mean it.

Your hard work, time, and energy is NEVER a waste and here’s why.

Let’s take what I just said: I try not to use the word “never” or “always” in my writing.

Do you know how I adopted that “principle” into my writing? My yoga teacher training.

In my training, we learned to use words and phrases like “maybe or sometimes,” “shift or rearrange,” and “there is no right way to do it, find your way to do it” when we teach.

It can give the students taking the class permission to remove the way they think the practice is supposed to look and make it their own.

This approach is something I was able to take in my writing. I want people who are reading to know that they can change their minds and to find what works for them in this season of life when it comes to their wellness.

I also learned from yoga teacher training that I wanted to invest in more experiences like it. I want to have more experiences that allow me to dive deeper into something I already have a lot of passion for and connect with like-minded people.

So although I’m not teaching yoga right now, the training I got is definitely not going to waste.

The things you learn from one experience can be taken to your next endeavor, whatever that may look like.

Feeling like something is a waste also comes up when people talk about experiences or relationships that have come and then gone. If the experience or relationship has ended, it can feel like a waste of time or energy.

I like to think that if you loved something enough at that time in your life, whether that was a job,  a hobby, a friendship, or a person you were in a relationship with, then it was worth the time and energy.

It is a blessing to find something or someone that you love.

I think we yearn for that feeling our entire lives. If we have it and then we don’t, we don’t know what to do.

I’ve learned to be thankful that we got the chance to love at all and know that you will find something or someone to love again.

When there is learning and loving, nothing is a waste of time.

How the Pandemic Changed My Beauty Routine

Amy Shamblen

In high school, I was like a lot of teenage girls that spent a good amount of the morning straightening their hair and putting on a full face of makeup.

In college, I did a similar routine, but maybe my hair pulled back if it had been a late night the night before. But I had to keep in mind that if I was wearing my sorority letters to class, I needed to make sure I looked somewhat presentable (or at least that is what I came to believe).

In my first job out of school, I would do full hair and makeup every day as I wanted to do everything to look professional as I felt I was already being looked at as the kid that just got out of college.

When the pandemic hit and work became work from home, I found myself spending less time on my hair and makeup.

I wasn’t really going anywhere and I didn’t need to be on camera for meetings for very long.

I went from doing a full face of makeup every day to “maybe I’ll ditch the eyeliner as it feels like a lot for not leaving the house.”

Then I started into “maybe I’ll wear my hair natural today.”

Now almost 2 years into working from home, there are some days I won’t do any hair or makeup. Maybe run a brush through the hair and a touch of face cream.

My hair is frizzy. My hormonal zits are visible. The natural red tint of my face can be seen.

Not doing my hair or makeup could come off as lazy. It could come off as unprofessional. Maybe there are some meetings I should make sure I really put myself together. Most of us are sitting there in the meeting in our sweats you have to remember.

But I realized that the pandemic and working from home gave me this opportunity to see what I look like in the mirror. Not with perfectly done hair and makeup, but see my actual self.

I technically always had this opportunity as no one was forcing me to do my hair and makeup, but I just never really took it.

For so long, I wouldn’t leave the house or let a soul see me without full makeup and hair done.

It was my default to get up and do the whole “beauty routine”. I didn’t see myself as beautiful without it.

I can’t help but ask myself why this was my default option.

Did I spend time on my makeup or hair because I wanted to?

Did I do it so I could be “presentable” to others?

Did I do it because that is what I’ve always thought I was supposed to do in order to look good?

As the pandemic and work from home continued even longer than we expected it to, I found myself not wearing makeup more than I was wearing it.

My default option was shifting.

I think there was some self-inflicted and external pressure that felt released. I was accepting myself without all of that for the first time.

I realized that I can feel confident and beautiful with and without the makeup and hair.

It really came down to what makes me feel good that day. 

On the days I have a really bad zit, sometimes I’ll put makeup on and sometimes I won’t.

When I have a big meeting where I need to be present to leadership at work, I’ll take more time getting my hair and makeup together.

The mornings I would rather spend my time on something else other than straightening my hair, I’ll leave my hair natural.

Or the nights I’m going out with friends, it is fun to get all dolled up.

The wall has come down for me when it comes to beauty and I’m finally seeing myself in the mirror. My default setting has changed and my confidence can come from both doing and not doing my makeup and hair.

If you look good you feel good, whatever that may mean that day.

It makes me wonder if I would ever have gotten to this point of acceptance with myself if it weren’t for the pandemic. I guess a good thing came out of a bad thing.

How I’m Using My Morning Muscle

Ellieelien

I moved into a new apartment recently.

That first morning waking up, I felt lost for a moment on what to do first in my new space and overwhelmed by how many boxes I needed to still unpack around me.

The stacks of boxes in my bedroom kind of looked like my life at the moment.

Problems I needed to address and things I needed to do piled up on each other. Then I went into the living room and there were boxes there too. There wasn’t any escaping it.

But waking up with this feeling of being lost or overwhelmed was familiar to me.

I’ve trained myself for these types of mornings because they happen more often than one would like and life is hard.

So I picked myself out of bed, tried to not trip over boxes as I made my way to the living room, sat down at the window and journaled.

I was going to choose how this day was going to start.

Despite all the boxes around me, I knew it was going to take doing just 1 good thing in the morning to set me up for other good things in the day.

My favorite Youtube trainer Sydney Cummings calls this the ripple effect. She says that a workout can be the drop in the water that makes the ripple effect of good choices for the rest of the day.

For me, that drop in the water is journaling and maybe for you it is something else.

I think it is about choosing to do something for yourself first thing in the morning that makes life feel manageable and reminds you that you’re capable of taking on this day.

It could be a walk, meditation, yoga, writing, or sitting with your coffee in silence for 10 minutes as you look at the window.

It all starts in the morning. Some would argue it starts the night before by making the choice as to how you’re going to start the next day.

You choose just 1 thing to do in the morning that is going to uplift you, and a lot of other things will fall into place.

I like to think about journaling as my “morning muscle” to get me through the day. I can train it, flex it, it can make me stronger, and give me energy.

The most important choice I make every day is what is going to be my morning muscle and how it is going to set the precedent for the rest of my day.

Trust me I’m going to need to flex that morning muscle so I can feel capable of getting all these boxes unpacked.

What is your morning muscle?

Why I Haven’t Gone Vegan

Tangerine Newt

I recently watched the documentary The Game Changers on Netflix.

It is about how switching to a plant-based diet significantly increased athletes’ performance. They interviewed cyclists, runners, ultimate fighters, weight-lifters, football players, and many more, both men and women.

The film also talked about the benefits athletes and non-athletes could get from eating plant-based foods like thinner blood to reduce blood clots, feeling better, having more energy, etc.

They used the term “plant-based'' throughout the entire film, and I wondered why they didn’t just say vegan. 

After some research, I found out a plant-based diet is eating mostly food that comes from plants, whereas a vegan is someone who strictly does not eat any animal products. It was a testament that you can learn new things from watching Netflix. And if you haven’t watched the documentary, I highly recommend it.

As someone who is curious about wellness and experiments with different methods to improve my life, switching to vegetarian, vegan, or plant-based diets are things I haven’t tried.

I’ve kind of beaten myself up for not trying a different diet to be honest, and watching this film convinced me even more that it is something I should be doing since there are so many health benefits.

I feel this pressure. I feel this pressure to do anything and everything to improve my overall health because this is something I care about.

But there is pressure to do a lot of things.

Do the right exercise, eat the right thing, do the best skincare routine, drink enough water, take these supplements, do this therapy, meditate, journal, and the list goes on and on.

It can feel like if I’m not doing everything, then I’m doing nothing.

Of course that is not true, but the self-inflicted pressure tells me so, and not to mention social media or businesses that market their products.

Maybe the pressure is even made up in our heads.

I remember during my yoga teacher training, we were having a potluck and everyone was saying what they would be bringing. A lot of people were bringing vegan this, gluten free that, and zero-sugar dessert.

I started to worry that I did not fit in with this group and never would because I didn’t follow any of these things.

When we got to the potluck, we came to find out that maybe 1 person in the room was vegan.

People started speaking up and said they just assumed since we were operating in this yoga world, that everyone ate these diets. We were succumbing to the stereotype that being interested in yoga also means that you’re vegan, even though many of us didn’t fit that mold.

This showed me that even yogis, who I, and maybe some of you do too, view as some of the healthiest people, aren’t doing every single healthy thing.

Watching this film and having these experiences has made me think about that with all the health and lifestyle changes I’ve made in my life, why hasn’t going vegan made it into the mix?

I think there are 3 reasons.

I need a strong interest that stands out amongst the noise.

I make time to workout because it is something that makes me feel really good and strong.

I make time to journal in the morning because it starts my day with a good mindset.

I’m also thinking about the amount of sleep I’m getting, how much water I’m drinking, balancing my stress level, along with many other things

Going vegan is not something that has risen above my other interests at this time.

Doesn’t mean I don’t care about my health, but I try to remember I’m contributing to it in other ways.

Also doesn’t mean veganism could never be a way.

It takes the time and energy to understand what veganism looks like for me, the willingness to try it, and see the effects it has.

I integrated working out and journaling into my life by taking very small steps. 

If going vegan is something I became really interested in, I could take the small steps to make it happen.

We are also trying to take care of our mental health here people, and if we don’t have the mental capacity to take on lifestyle changes at this time, then are they truly making us healthier?

I need the perspective of abundance and not restriction.

For a long time I’ve viewed having a certain diet as restricting myself from certain foods.

In my experience, having a restriction mindset over an abundance mindset has not driven me to make certain health and lifestyle changes.

“Don’t eat sugar” has not helped me not eat sugar.

“Don’t be on your phone so much” has not helped me not be on my phone.

Those mindsets may have lasted for a day, but they weren’t sustainable.

The times I saw actual change were when I saw what the health or lifestyle choice could do for me, and not what it was keeping me from.

When it comes to going vegan, I would need the perspective that “I get to eat foods that are really going to help my body” instead of “I have to restrict myself from eating all these other foods.”

I need an environment that supports the lifestyle (or the ability to overcome the environment).

When I was watching this documentary, I continually wondered how people who eat a plant-based diet balance the aspect of social eating?

This is probably one of the biggest reasons I haven’t switched to a diet other than the one that I’m on. I am a social eater that wants to eat what is served at social events.

I know that there are now plenty of vegetarian and vegan options out there at restaurants and grocery stores.

However, currently no one I spend time with is vegetarian or vegan, so I’m concerned I would be a burden to them if I am. Although, that could be something I’ve convinced myself of and could not be true.

I think about that with dating too. Can you date someone that had a different diet than you? Some people could, some probably could not.

This is when your “why” of doing things truly gets tested. When you’re in an environment that is the opposite of the lifestyle you’re trying to live.

Although I know it is possible to make changes and sustain change on your own, it convinces me that being in an environment that supports your lifestyle would make you much more likely to sustain it.

So will I ever try being vegetarian, vegan, or plant-based? Maybe someday. There are other health and lifestyle choices I have more of an interest in at this time.

I like to think that if I’m doing what I can to stay healthy, then that is better than doing nothing at all.

There is always going to be the “next healthy thing” to do, but I think staying open to taking the small, manageable steps to being healthy can make a big difference.

Is there an aspect of health you’ve felt pressure to integrate into your life? Let me know in the comments.

Does Work Affect Your Mental Health or Does Your Mental Health Affect Your Work?

Liz Fosslien

The other day I got into a dilemma.

Someone at work messaged me if I could meet at 4pm tomorrow to discuss a project with some upper-level leadership.

I looked at my calendar and saw I had a virtual therapy session scheduled at that time.

I was torn. I knew I really needed this therapy session due to some personal and work things going on, and appointments aren’t the easiest to come by.

I also knew that we did need to have this meeting soon and I’m not necessarily one to say no to upper-level management. Work, however, does have a protocol to only have meetings between the hours of 9am-4pm, and only have meetings after hours if it is absolutely necessary.

So I asked myself, is this considered “necessary?”

It was a true test of boundaries and work/life balance.

It made me start to consider, is work or mental health more important here? Does work affect our mental health or does our mental health affect our work?

What should we be taking care of first? Maybe it is a “chicken or the egg come first” situation where you could argue both.

There have been times where work has been so frustrating or demanding, and has required early mornings or later hours where it does affect my mental health. And I know I am not alone in that.

When I talk to some of my friends, I am thankful for my situation because they’re working very late nights, weekends, and sometimes on their paid time off. Many of them say a requirement for the next job they get is to have something with more work/life balance.

On the other side of the coin, there have been times where my mental health is not in a good place where I can’t bring myself to be present at work and put in the level of effort and attention that is required for it. I know I am not alone in this too.

Especially with work from home, our personal and professional lives are tied together more than ever. Lack of sleep, family obligations, the covid uncertainty, and overall mental health issues that many people are experiencing can affect our work.

So what should truly come first, work or our mental health?

I think you can be devoted to both and have a balance, but it requires setting some boundaries, which is not always easy. Maybe it also requires caring less about work. Sounds crazy, but stay with me.

In Liz Fosslien and Molly Duffy West’s book, No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work, they have a whole chapter on caring less about work.

One excerpt says:

“‘Be less passionate about your job’ doesn’t mean ‘stop caring about work.’ It means care more about yourself. It means carve out time for the people you love, for exercise, and for a guilt-free vacation. It means remind yourself that few people look back at their lives and wish they stayed at the office until 10:00PM.”

I’m someone who has trouble not caring, but much of their book shows you it is possible to be committed to your work, but not sell your soul to it, and still succeed.

Liz Fosslien also has these wonderful and witty illustrations in the book, so if you’re going to read it, I recommend getting the actual book instead of listening to the audio version.

So what did I end up doing with this dilemma I was presented with?

I was transparent with the meeting organizer that I would not be able to attend the meeting because I had a therapy session during that time and appointments are hard to come by. I told her that I will see if I can get it moved to another time and let her know if I would be able to attend the meeting.

I was kind of nervous to say this. I wonder if I would have been as transparent about it if I didn’t have a relationship with the meeting organizer or knew her to be an understanding person. I know at the beginning of my career I would not have shared this.

She came back to say she totally understood and to keep her updated.

A few hours later, I found out from my therapist that something opened up at a different time, so I was able to go to both my therapy session and the meeting that day.

Now things ended up working out for me this time, but I know it is not going to work out like that every time and sometimes I’m going to have to choose between work and mental health.

It makes me think though that whatever action we take now will set the precedent for what others will expect from us in the future.

If we say we will cancel our therapy session to attend the after hours meeting, then others will expect you to do that in the future.

If we respond to emails and chat messages late at night, then others will expect that from you in the future, and maybe even new team members or people that report to you will think that that is the expectation.

If we take care of our mental health so much that it fuels us to go above and beyond in our jobs, then others will expect that from you and build trust in you.

So what comes first for you? Mental health or work? Maybe it depends on what is going on for you personally vs. professionally, or how your company is approaching things.

Let me know in the comments or send me an email how you or your employer is balancing this.

You can get wellness resources like this in your inbox every week! Drop your email here!

The 1 Thing I Want You to Know About Journaling

Toa Heftiba

I’m coming up on 4 years of journaling this month.

I can’t decide if it feels like I just started or if it has been forever since I picked up my first journal at TJMaxx and started writing.

To note (because I get asked this a lot), I didn’t just pick up my journal 4 years ago and start writing every single day since. It took some time to figure out how I was going to use my journal and when it served me best.

Come to find out, it was something I could benefit from doing every day and I’m getting close to journaling every day for the past 2 years.

I like to journal in the morning so it's been a lot of early mornings of showing up to write, check in with myself, and process what was going on in life.

My journals have seen a lot over the past 4 years.

A college graduation, breakups, 3 moves, the first 3 years of my supply chain career, starting a podcast & eventually a blog, many travels, the loss of family members & pets, a yoga teacher certification, a global pandemic and so much more packed into 11 journals over the past 4 years.

I wanted to write something in honor of this milestone. So I asked myself, “what is the 1 thing you want people to know about journaling?”

I’ve created a lot of resources around journaling in the past couple of years to help people start their own journaling practices. You can find a lot of these on my website.

While a lot of those resources are helpful, the one thing I want you to know is that journaling can be the home that you take anywhere. Home is wherever my journal is.

For all the things that change in life, it’s the place to come back to. I don’t think it is a location or attachment to a material thing, but more of coming back to yourself.

Even the mornings where life felt really hard and I was so anxious or depressed, journaling made life feel just a little more manageable.

And maybe that is what we are all looking for. 

We aren’t looking for everything to be better or perfect, we just want to know that it is going to be manageable. That we are strong enough, capable enough, and maybe even sane enough to take on the day.

It is a place where we can first express our ideas, hopes, dreams, fears, frustrations, and maybe even the things we aren’t willing to say out loud.

It is a practice that can make you feel heard and seen, even if it is just being heard and seen by yourself. Listening and paying attention to what is really on your heart.

Have you tried a journaling practice? If so, what is your 1 take away from it? Let me know in the comments or send me an email.

My Favorite Breakfast That Gives Me Energy

I’m not the biggest breakfast person, but I’ve learned that what I eat for breakfast (or if I eat breakfast at all) determines how the rest of my morning goes.

I’ve gone through phases where I’ve only had coffee, or I’ve had a coffee and a smoothie every morning. Both kind of left me hungry or didn’t give me energy.

So, I tried oatmeal. I always thought oatmeal was boring, but I messed around with different things I liked and found something I loved.

I’m not a nutritionist or dietitian so there may be ways to make oatmeal that are healthier, but here is my favorite morning oatmeal recipe:

½ cup of Oatmeal, 1 cup of water, heated in microwave for 1.5 minutes

1 scoop of Jif crunchy peanut butter

1 banana, cut into slices

1 handful of raspberries & blueberries

1 dash of cinnamon

—

Is there a breakfast you love that gives you energy? Tell me in the comments.

3 Statements That Stuck with Me After 1 Year of Therapy

NordWood Themes

A year ago, I only told a few trusted people that I had started therapy.

It probably wasn’t until a few months ago that I started writing my therapy appointments on my kitchen calendar. Before, I didn’t want anyone who came into my home to know I was going.

But here I am 1 year into going to therapy and I’m talking to you about it today. Small steps people.

I think these small steps happened because I saw how much of an impact it was making on me over time. It wasn’t something to hide or be ashamed of. It became such a resource for my mental health and I feel so thankful to have found it and had access to it. And accessibility to therapy is something I really want to dive into in a future post.

I wanted to share 3 statements that have stuck with me after 1 year of therapy with the hopes that maybe they could stick with you too.

Can you live with that?

I’ve struggled a lot with wondering if I’m doing the right thing and trusting myself to make decisions.

Something that has helped me live my life with more acceptance and less judgement is asking myself if I can live with a fact or situation.

Whether it’s an aspect of a job, relationship, or home, there are things that we can live with and things we can not. 

Different people can live with or tolerate different things, and doing things differently doesn’t always mean you’re doing it wrong.

Some people can move away from their family so they can pursue their career and some cannot.

Some people can date someone that has a different religion as them and some cannot.

Some people can live with their parents after college and some cannot.

I’ve learned that what you’re doing is not right or wrong, but it is about whether you can live with the fact. And specifically if you can live with it, not someone else. 

Does it matter if people get it?

I’ve used this one when I’ve struggled with caring about what people think. I wish I didn’t care about what people think, but I do and I’m intentionally working on it constantly.

Sometimes I catch myself justifying my decisions to other people so they get it. I want people to understand why I’m doing what I’m doing so that I don’t come off as unintelligent or naive. 

But is everyone in the world going to “get it” or agree with your decision? No.

I’ve learned that is because we come from different experiences and we’ve developed different belief systems based on those experiences.

If not everyone is going to get it, do I need to spend my time explaining myself? Does it matter if certain people get it? Maybe or maybe not.

Each person is going to take what they want from what you’re saying, interpret it themselves, and leave out the rest. This may leave them with a positive outlook or a negative outlook on what you’re saying, but why assume the worst when you could be talking to someone that is in your corner cheering you on?

What makes you better keeps you better.

There have been a couple of times throughout my 1st year of therapy where I’ve considered no longer going because things were getting better or were better.

But just about the time I thought that, I found myself texting my therapist asking if she had an open appointment tomorrow so we could talk through something.

I explained this scenario to her and she said “what makes you better keeps you better.”

It reminded me of the importance of consistency when taking care of yourself. I don’t think it has to be therapy. I think it could be the consistency of working out or eating well or journaling. If it is making us better now, it is likely it will make us better going forward.

Do you have any statements that have stuck with you from going to therapy or talking to a trusted person in your life? Let me hear them in the comments.