I Read A Book About Getting Sober

Recently, I finished reading Not Drinking Tonight: A Guide to Creating A Sober Life You Love by Amanda E. White (@therapyforwomen).

I did not read this with the intention of getting sober, but to explore my relationship with alcohol.

I grew up in a family that drinks and is always ready to throw the next killer football tailgate.

I went to college in the middle of cornfields, where some may argue that the only activity there was to drink.

After college and coming into the adult world, I noticed even more how ingrained drinking was in our culture. Meeting friends or going on dates usually involved going to get a drink.

I wouldn’t say I had a problem with drinking, but I considered what if I did it less?

I was willing to pick up White’s book because she wasn’t saying “You have to get sober.”

She wanted you to consider “Would your life be better without alcohol?”

This question seemed graceful for my perfectionist brain and was what I asked myself throughout the whole book.

Here were a few takeaways that really stuck out to me.

We don’t have to be either sober or an alcoholic.

She explains in the book that sometimes we feel like we have to be 1 or the other.

We don’t have to put a label on it and we can just start being intentional about the choices we make. We don’t have to live in 1 extreme or the other if we don’t want to.

Identifying the costs & payoffs of drinking and not drinking.

There is an exercise she has you do in the middle of the book to write down the costs and payoffs of drinking and not drinking.

It is eye-opening when you actually write it down.

When you evaluate everything from how it makes you feel the next day, the cost, the logistics, and your interactions with other people. Definitely a powerful exercise.

There are options to socialize sober.

A lot of times when I’m socializing with friends, it isn’t necessarily that I want an alcoholic drink, but I feel like I need a drink in my hand.

One option White mentions is ordering a mocktail.

I could see myself ordering the cocktail that comes in the fancy glass without the alcohol and still enjoy myself. I’ve also started to notice some places have non-alcoholic beers as an option on their menu.

White also mentions that some big cities have sober bars now.

I have never heard of this, but I know one is opening in Columbus very soon and am interested to check it out.

I have a feeling this business idea will start catching on as health and wellness becomes more important to people.

Plan 24 hours in advance if you’re going to drink.

If you’re looking to moderate, White gives this tip so you have the chance to make the intentional decision to drink, instead of drinking due to a trigger.

I really liked this because it is easy to have a drink because someone else did, because it’s nice out, or you had a long day and you want to use it as a tool to unwind.

Deciding in advance that I’m going to drink can help me remove the possible shame from drinking and decide that I want it because I want it, and not for another reason.

We aren’t looking for a drink, we are looking for a moment.

White quotes author Holly Whitaker who says, “...sometimes we don’t actually want a drink, we want a moment.”

This blew my mind because it is so true for me.

I sometimes just want to be outside on a patio with friends, drink out of a fancy glass, go to a place with a cool atmosphere, or do something to unwind.

And really, none of these have to involve alcohol if I don’t want them too.

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So where does this leave me?

After I read the book, I kind of felt the self-inflicted pressure to be sober.

But I keep coming back to these takeaways and they have helped me re-evaluate my relationship with alcohol in a graceful way.

So I am not sober, but more so seeing what drinking in moderation looks like.

As White puts it, I want to continue to explore… would my life be better without alcohol?

Do You Have A Mental Health Routine?

George Pagan III

I struggled for a long time understanding what taking care of your mental health looked like.

Something that helped me was thinking about it like this.

Just like we go to the gym for our physical health, we can make time to go to the mental gym.

Options

For your physical health, you have options like lifting weights, yoga, running, etc. and you pick the thing that feels good to you.

For your mental health, you have options that help you check in like journaling, therapy, a walk, or sitting quietly with your coffee. You can pick which one of those feels good to you.

Planning a Time

When you’re planning your physical workouts, you have an idea of when is the best time to workout based on your schedule and when you have the energy to do it.

For your mental health, you can do the same thing. You can plan a time you’re going to check in with yourself based on your schedule and when you want to slow down.

Consistency

For your physical health, you have seen that you get stronger and healthier the more consistently you workout. You aren’t just strong automatically after 1 workout.

For your mental health, the same thing happens. The more consistently you make time and be intentional about showing up for your mental health, the stronger it becomes.

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Just like the physical gym, the mental gym routine starts when we simplify the task, make a plan, and start taking action.

What I Learned From Changing Jobs for the First Time

Christin Hume

I’ve talked to many of my fellow mid to late twenty somethings who have reached about that 4 year mark of working.

No matter if they love or hate their current job, a common conversation that comes up is if or when they should switch jobs.

I just changed jobs for the 1st time and here are some things I learned in the process.

Part 1: Leaving Your Job & Finding a New One

You will know when the right time is to leave.

You hear that most people only stay in their 1st job for about 2 years. As that 2 year, 3 year, 4 year mark approaches, it's hard to not consider the other options out, especially if the job market is hot.

So when is the right time to leave?

I contemplated for a long time switching jobs, and then one week it became blatantly obvious to leave based on things that started changing personally and professionally. It smacked me right in the face.

I think we feel pressure to make a job switch, or at least explore it, but you will know when the right time is. Keep observing and trust yourself.

Keep LinkedIn updated.

I got in the habit of updating my LinkedIn every so often with new projects, responsibilities, and what city I was living in.

I didn’t do this for the purpose of looking for a new job, but it became a game-changer in the process of finding one.

I got reached out to by a recruiter who saw the city I was living in and what I had been working on, and that is how I got my new job.

It isn’t always going to happen that fast, but updating your LinkedIn gives you the opportunity for it to happen.

Do your research.

The application process is very different from the first job we took right out of college. Now we have a few years under our belt and a lot more leverage.

I had no idea what to do with this leverage, especially when it came to salary expectations.

I talked to some close connections, did some research, and realized I may have more leverage than I thought. One site that was eye-opening to me was salary.com.

Don’t count yourself out and do your research.

Ask HOW the work is done.

In the process of interviewing, don’t just ask WHAT work you will be doing, but HOW you will be doing it.

What systems and processes are in place? What are the daily tasks needed to push the needle forward? How do teams interact to get the job done? How open are they to change?

Then asking yourself, is that how I want to be doing things and is this a culture I could see myself in?

You could like the idea of what you’re doing, but understanding HOW the new company does things could help you make an educated decision on if you want to take the job.

This is a big deal.

If you’re looking for a new job, you’re about to change the thing that you probably do for 40 hours a week. It will probably change your routines, maybe where you’re living, and/or the trajectory of your career.

This isn’t to scare you, but I say this because I don’t want you to settle. Don’t settle for a job change that you aren’t excited about. Make sure it checks all or most of the boxes.

Go with your gut; you usually aren’t mad that you did.

Part 2: Starting the New Job

You go from being an expert to a beginner.

I’ll admit, I kind of forgot about this when I changed jobs.

Even if you’re going into a very similar field that you were in, every company is so different and does things in different ways.

This can be a super uncomfortable process so be ready and open to it. I have had to put my student cap back on and be open to learning.

Come from a place of curiosity instead of judgment.

I knew going into a new job that I first needed to learn the business before I jumped in and said “here are all the things that need to be changed.”

It is also easy to assume that whatever you learned in your first job is the “right” and “only” way to do things.

This mindset doesn’t keep us open to a new perspective or really learning the business.

Therefore, I’ve found it important to come from a place of curiosity instead of judgment. 

We can not love the way something is done, but there is a method to the madness that people do.

Heck there may be people I encounter that have been working in the industry longer than I’ve been alive. They know the ins, outs, and upside-downs.

I’ve found asking why something is done, instead of just shutting it down completely, is key to being able to jump in effectively and respectfully to improve processes.

Ask for support.

Once I got into the new job, I knew I needed to seek help to make the growing pains less painful.

The people who know your job really well, as well as the people you feel like to can personally connect with and vent to.

Hopefully support is offered to you in your new position, but if not, seek out who the experts are on the subject or the company, and ask all the questions you can. 

People could be giving you more credit than you feel like they should and think you got it together.

I’m not the best at asking for help, so I have to remind myself often that people won’t know I need support unless I tell them.

Celebrate where you’re at.

In the middle of the growing pains, someone reminded me recently of the resiliency that you’re building.

You’re learning in a different way than you’re used to and that makes you acquire new skills. Each new skill you acquire only makes for more tools in your tool belt for the next challenge you face.

It is important to celebrate this new career milestone and that you have challenged yourself to go to the next level.

Give yourself credit for that.

Invincible vs. Resilient

Becca Tapert

Do you ever get annoyed that you’re sad about something? Annoyed that you’re mad about something? Annoyed that you’re basically feeling emotion.

For me, it comes from this pressure to be strong or be invincible.

It's like be so strong that you don’t get thrown off your rocker or have any emotion.

Here is what I remind myself in these moments.

I am not invincible, but I am resilient.

I am allowed to bend and I won’t break.

I am allowed to feel all the feels, and then move forward.

But I don’t think the resiliency to get up and move forward happens overnight. It has to be built.

Resilience is built when we continually choose to show up for ourselves. When we say each day “today I’m going to do something to take care of myself.”

Then when a tough time or emotion does come, we feel more capable of taking it on and moving forward.

You aren’t invincible, but you are resilient.

My Love/Hate Relationship with Pinterest

Fahim Reza

I have a love/hate relationship with Pinterest.

Remember in high school when you show the hair stylist a picture from Pinterest of what you want your prom hair to look like and it ends up looking nothing like that.

Remember in college when you design your dorm room based on what you saw on Pinterest.

Then as an adult, you attempt to make the most perfect dessert to take to a family gathering and it turns out nothing like that.

You would think I would learn by this point, but I have to remind myself often that Pinterest and the internet are for inspiration, not a copy paste.

I got to take the inspiration and make it my own. Plus what I design myself could be better than the Pinterest because I’ve made it my own.

What Happened When I Got Off Hormonal Birth Control

Reproductive Health Supplies Coalition

*This article is an account of 1 person’s experience and is not intended to provide medical advice. Please consult a professional and do your research before starting or stopping any medical treatment.

Starting Hormonal Birth Control

I started taking hormonal birth control when I was 21.

I felt late to the game relative to many of my friends who had started in high school or early college. Many of them started using it due to painful cramps, acne, wanting birth control, or never getting their period naturally.

Since it seemed like everyone was on it and I was in the middle of my college years, I thought it would be a good idea to start taking it for birth control.

After talking to my OB, we decided that Nuvaring was best for me.

I loved it. I would leave this small ring filled with hormones in me for 3 weeks, take it out for 1 week, and then put a new one in. Low maintenance.

My periods were very regular and I had peace of mind that I was using birth control.

It was a habit that I adopted that I didn’t really think too much about.

Exploring the Other Options

Fast forward, I’m 25 years old and I’ve been on the ring for 4 years.

In this 4 year time, I started to really be interested in finding what worked for my mental and physical wellness for the stage of life I was in.

I started to become curious and aware of the options that were out there, including for birth control.

1 option I learned about was the fertility awareness method (FAM).

It is a non-hormonal, natural approach where you use different body indicators to track where you are in your cycle for the purpose of birth control or trying to conceive. Body indicators include waking body temperature, cervical mucus, cervix position, along with a few other things.

It is not to be mistaken for some apps that guess when you ovulate solely based on when you get your period. 

With FAM, you use your body indicators to know exactly when you ovulate. 

I learned that this is important to know because a few days before ovulation and a few days after ovulation is considered your “fertile window” and is when you would practice birth control (either with a physical barrier or something else). All other days of your cycle, there is a very low to no chance that you will get pregnant.

This was the most shocking thing I learned throughout this experience. I thought every single day of your cycle you could get pregnant, but it is only in your fertile window.

I was also shocked that I didn’t know about FAM before as it was never presented to me as an option for birth control in any health class growing up.

I asked some friends if they had heard of it and some who went to catholic high school said they had been taught it. It sounded like it was an option that was presented to them so they would stay away from the use of hormonal birth control and align with the catholic beliefs.

I was intrigued by FAM as I was continuously looking for ways to be more in tune with my body. I felt like my body was just running like a machine and didn’t really know what was going on with it.

After a lot of research, reading books, and talking with a fertility awareness specialist, I decided to stop taking hormonal birth control and start using FAM.

Don’t get me wrong, I was so nervous to do this. I read everything I could and talked to whoever I could talk to about it.

But I knew this was a step I wanted to take for myself.

Stopping Hormonal Birth Control

I was so nervous to get off hormonal birth control so I decided not to do it alone.

I ended up joining a group led by fertility awareness educator Nina Boyce to support women as they went off birth control.

We would review each other’s temperature charts, how to distinguish cervical mucus, share other body indicators people were using, and how we were feeling as we got off of the hormones.

And wow did I need someone to talk to.

Getting off birth control was HARD. All caps needed.

My body freaked out when I got off.

I would go through a rollercoaster of ups and downs as I went throughout my cycle. I would feel the worst when I was transitioning from getting off my period to my estrogen rising up. 

My body did not like that it was trying to do my cycle naturally.

The first 3 months were really rough. Mostly anxiety and freak outs about what I was doing with my life.

I leaned a lot on Nina’s support group, my therapist, and close loved ones.

I questioned whether I wanted to continue to be off it.

The people I talked to that had gotten off hormonal birth control had gone through similar feelings. It made me feel like maybe I wasn’t crazy.

I learned that it can take awhile, depending on your body, to get the hormonal birth control completely out of your system.

Since I already had made it through the first 3 months, I decided to keep going.

And I’m so glad I did.

What Happened When I Stayed Off

1 of my FAM charts on the Read Your Body app. Everyone’s is going to look different.

As I got into months 4, 5, and 6, my body started to adjust to being off it and started to feel a lot better.

Even though I had experienced anxiety in months 1-3 of being off hormonal birth control, now my anxiety was significantly down compared to what it was when I was on hormonal birth control. Noticeably different.

Anxiety was something I struggled with over the years and I can’t help but think that maybe the hormonal birth control was heightening it. I hope there are some professionals that look into this possible correlation in the future.

Another big thing I noticed getting off hormonal birth control is that my intuition became stronger than ever. That might sound “woo-woo” to people, but our inner knowing guides us throughout a lot of our life.

For the past few years, I really didn’t trust myself to make decisions. I overanalyzed everything and didn’t think I was capable of making the best choices.

Getting off hormonal birth control, I started having a clearer head and was less foggy. There is no other way to explain it than that. When you can trust yourself, that can make you feel like you can do anything.

A few other observations I made were my libido was higher, I was very in tune with my body, and FAM was reinforcing me to take care of myself.

I learned that our bodies and cycles are sensitive to any change in sleep, alcohol use, sickness, travel, etc. Any time I wouldn’t sleep well or drink a lot the night before, I wouldn’t just not feel great, I could see the effects on my FAM chart.

FAM reinforced the importance of having a routine and taking care of myself, as it would show in the data if I wasn’t.

You Get to Choose & You Can Change Your Mind

I’ve been off hormonal birth control for 10 months now.

Throughout this whole experience, I felt empowered to know I had options.

I don’t think I would have used FAM while I was in college as it wouldn’t have fit well with the lifestyle I was living at the time.

Now, I feel FAM is the right option for me as it caters to the more routine and healthy lifestyle I have right now.

Who knows, maybe my lifestyle will change and I’ll decide to go back on hormonal birth control.

What feels the most empowering is to know that there are options and we can pick the method that fits us for this season of life, even if that is different from what we’ve done before or what everyone else is doing around us.

FAM resources I recommend:

Book: Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler

Instagram: nourishedwithnina and themaddiemiles

Podcasts: Healing Hormones and Peace.Love.Hormones.

App: Read Your Body

How I Do My Monthly Check-In

Towfiqu Barbhuiya

When you get to the end of the month, a lot of the time it feels like where did the time go, where did my money go, or what am I doing with my life?

To come back to center, here is something I enjoy doing at the end of each month.

Grab a piece of paper or a journal and take 10 minutes to write down reflections and intentions.

Write reflections for the past month.

This could be a bulleted list of things you did, things you’re proud of, or worked hard on. It is a moment to find some gratitude.

Then write intentions for the month ahead.

How do you want your time to be spent? Who do you want to spend time with? What does progress look like to you?

Then throughout the month if I ever have one of those days where I don’t know what I’m doing with my life, I come back to my intentions. It gives me clarity and confidence on what I am doing with my life.

Is There A Healthy Amount of Not Caring

Brett Jordan

I’m definitely a perfectionist, a go-getter, and sometimes I just care a little too much.

I’m trying to figure out, what is the healthy level of not caring?

When there are a lot of problems at work, at what point do I just have to let it go and try again the next day so I can enjoy my evening?

When I don’t get the positive response I was hoping for from the video I posted or work presentation I made, what is the healthy amount of taking feedback, but also not taking it personally?

When my face doesn’t look as clear as it usually does like it does today, how do I not let this thing I’m self conscious about stop me from feeling confident going places or posting videos like I do?

I think there are 3 questions that can help give myself permission to care a little less.

Am I being considerate of others and following through on the promises I made?

Most of the time you probably are, so you aren’t letting anyone else down.

Have I done all the things that are in my control?

Most of the time you have and that means we gotta let the things out of our control go.

Does this 1 thing that is making me upset determine my overall happiness or keep me from moving forward?

This is the question that helps me let go a little, take care of my mental health, and find gratitude in the things that are bringing happiness to my life.

When Social Media Makes You Feel Behind

Georgia de Lotz

Social media has been such a great way to connect and keep up with people’s lives, but I think there is 1 aspect that is really hard to overcome.

I’m 26. When I open my social media I see people getting engaged, married, buying houses, having babies, and starting businesses.

I am so happy for people when I see this, but if I’m being real, it makes me feel behind.

It’s like “dang why don’t I have that? What the heck am I doing wrong?”

A couple of things I’ve been reminding myself in these moments:

The path the person had to take to get to where they’re might not have been as easy as you think.

People could have waited, prayed, manifested, and worked their butts off for years to make that happen, but we are only seeing the shiny result. Remember there was probably a long process and a lot of struggle to get to that point.

Asking myself are those the things I actually want right now?

Engagement, marriage, babies, am I even ready for that? Sure we want it someday, but no need to get down on ourselves when we aren’t mentally ready for it right now.

If I do want those shiny things eventually, know that I’m on the path to get there and I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be right now.

It doesn’t matter where you’re on the path or how fast you’re moving, as long as you’re on it.

If you don’t feel like you’re on the path, what is a small step you can take to get you to where you want to go?

I’m Challenging the Way I’ve Always Done Things

Bookblock

“That is the way I’ve always done it.”

This is a fine answer to explain why I do the things I do, but I’ve been trying to say it less so I can lead my life with more intention. 

Instead, I want to ask myself “why am I doing it this way?”

I was reminded of this when I was challenged in the way I journal.

My way of journaling for the past 4 years has been to write whatever was on my mind. A stream of consciousness. Just let it all out.

This is very aligned with Julia Cameron’s method of morning pages that she talks about in her well-renowned book The Artist’s Way.

Morning pages consist of journaling 3 pages every morning with whatever is on your mind.

Author Greg McKeown discusses journaling in his book Essentialism. His approach intrigued me.

McKeown suggests applying the principle of “less but better” to your journal.

He challenges to start an “essentialist journal” and write 1 sentence a day answering the question of “what’s the most important thing that happened today?”

It made me consider, what if I only wrote down the essential things? What if I journaled about only the most important things?

This approach could give me a lot of clarity on what my time and energy should be spent on, and could realign my focus.

Here are some others things I started considering:

Feeling All The Feelings

I will say that writing a stream of consciousness has given me permission to explore every feeling about everything in a safe space.

But the approach of only writing down the essential things could help me realize what is not worth feeling stressed, frustrated, or annoyed about if it has not been declared essential.

The Hardship of the Task

Showing up to journal whatever is on my mind is daunting sometimes. I feel like there is so much I need to write down and I can make the task harder than it needs to be.

Showing up to write down the essential things can make it feel more manageable and you might be more likely to do it consistently.

Structure vs. Play

Writing down whatever is on my mind allows my perfectionist brain to run free and not feel like things have to be a certain way. Some unexpected things get discovered.

Writing down the essential things could bring a little more structure to entries if that is what I like, but leaves less room for play. However, it could be easier to see trends or your evolution of growth over time.

Memory

Writing down what is on my mind has helped me process and capture a lot of memories.

Writing down only the essential events could help me remember the most important things from my day or life, like being together with family, instead of writing down something annoying someone did that is not going to be important a year from now.

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So do I keep going about journaling the way I always have, or do I change course?

The important question to ask myself is why am I journaling? What is your purpose for showing up?

For me, I need a place to check in. This means I could maybe see myself writing out what is on my mind, but closing out the entry recognizing what is actually important from the day.

When we start asking “why” more often, our habits start aligning more to our purpose.

What is Helping Me Grieve

Aejaz Memon

I was reminded recently of the power of a morning routine, especially during a time of loss, a breakup, or when life hits us hardest.

Like when I lost my grandfather in February 2022.

The morning after his passing, I woke up and I had to remind myself that it happened.

This continued on for the next couple mornings. The alarm went off, I woke up, and I have to remember all over again.

I thought how am I possibly supposed to get out of bed when I’m dealing with this heartache?

Something that did get me out of bed was my morning routine.

Making some coffee and sitting down with my journal is my usual go-to.

So that is what I did.

Having a morning routine setup helped me in 2 ways:

Gave me the scheduled time to grieve & check in with myself

I’ve noticed that depending on the day, it can either feel like there is a lot of time in the day to grieve or none at all.

Utilizing my morning routine as a check in on how I was doing was powerful. It gave me space and created a boundary at the same time.

My morning routine became a place to land softly.

Gave me the 1st step to take for the day

We don’t need to know what the whole day is going to look like, just what is the first thing to do.

Having the 1st thing in my back pocket made me feel like there was purpose in the day when I felt a little lost.

Usually after I do the 1st thing, it becomes apparent what the next thing is and the next thing is after that.

My morning routine became the springboard for the rest of the day.

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This isn’t to say a morning routine is going to fix all my sadness I’m feeling.

But having one setup already made me feel empowered when the hard times did hit.

I can keep it simple too. Sitting with a cup of coffee, journaling, a meditation, a prayer, or a walk.

A morning routine helped me feel equipped to go from “this really sucks right now” to “I’m capable of moving forward.”

Make It Easier to Start a New Habit

Elena Mozhvilo

I remember when I started podcasting many years ago, I made a plan to record right after work each day.

The 1st day, I got home and tried to record. Not much progress was made.

Next day after work, I tried to record. Again, not much progress was made and I was getting frustrated with myself because of it.

The following day, I showed up to record. Again, not much progress was made to the point where I didn’t know if I even wanted to do it anymore.

I knew I wanted to inspire people to put their best foot forward in their life, but I was struggling to just take 1 step forward with this podcasting thing.

I always say the key to creating a new habit is to know 1) why you’re doing it and 2) how you’re going to make it happen.

I had both of these, so what was wrong?

I noticed I was trying to do this creative task when I was my most tired.

It was like I was starting at a deficit before I even began.

I needed to find a way to make it easier on myself. I needed to find a time where I could give myself a chance to succeed.

So I experimented with recording in the morning.

Holy cow, I started making progress that I didn’t know was possible.

With the way my brain is wired, I am just more creative in the morning. No other reason needed to explain it.

The same thing happened to me with working out.

If you listen to a lot of successful people, they say a key is to workout in the morning.

I’ve noticed that my body just doesn’t like to do that, so I don’t.

I have my best workouts at the end of the day because my brain is ready to turn off from work and my body takes over.

Sometimes we blame ourselves for not starting something because of low motivation or determination, but maybe we just haven’t become aware of when our brain and body work best.

When we take the time to experiment, observe, and adjust our day according to our brain and body, the habits start forming and the goals start getting met.

Can I Have Boundaries and Be A Fun Person?

Pan Xiaozhen

“You’re no fun!”

Yep, I’ve heard that one a couple of times.

Hearing that used to bother me A LOT. I really cared (and still do if I’m being honest) about being received as a “fun” person.

The times I usually hear “you’re no fun” is when it comes to my boundaries around sleep, alcohol, or alone time.

It makes me question if I can have boundaries and be a fun person?

The simple answer is YES.

It is about reminding myself why I’ve set the boundaries I’ve set.

You don’t set boundaries to restrict yourself from doing fun things. You set them to make room for the things that are most important to you. The things that are “fun” and fulfilling to YOU.

Maybe that is working out, spending time with someone you love, or making time for your passion project.

Setting boundaries is not easy. But when we get in the habit and get more comfortable with setting them, they’re a lot more likely to stick.

Here are the 3 scenarios that I find the most tricky to set boundaries.

Sleep

I have a very early bedtime because Claire with less than 8 hours of sleep is not pretty.

This doesn’t mean I’m not tough or am weak because I can’t function on less sleep. I have learned how much sleep I need to be able to function at the level I want to.

Sometimes that requires turning off Netflix early or leaving a party before midnight.

I try to remind myself that my sleep boundaries aren’t in place to restrict me from having fun. My sleep boundaries are in place to help me make room for other things to happen.

I know with little sleep I will have trouble being able to show up for my job, my workouts, and important people in my life in the way that I want to.

Other people may not agree with your sleep boundaries, but you’re, as Greg McKeown calls in his book Essentialism, “protecting the asset.”

McKeown has a whole chapter on the importance of sleep and he says…

“The best asset we have for making a contribution to the world is ourselves. If we underinvest in ourselves, and by that I mean our minds, bodies, and spirits, we damage the very tool we need to make our highest contribution.”

I’ve found protecting the asset starts with creating good sleep habits during your normal weekly routine.

I got in the habit of figuring out how many hours of sleep I need to function and I adjusted my bedtime and wake up time accordingly to make that work.

Once I started having a couple of weeks of good sleep habits (trust me didn’t happen overnight, no pun intended), when it came to that weekend night where I was out a little later, I had many nights of good sleep under my belt that allowed me to have fun and stay out a little later if I wanted to.

Now, how do I deal with my crankiness when I am tired? That is something I am still trying to work on.

Alcohol

Setting any boundaries around alcohol is so tough since it is so ingrained into our culture.

It’s the happy hours, the tailgates, the weddings, the catch up with college friends, or visiting the new winery or brewery in town.

In these social situations, sometimes people hope you drink as much as them so you can be on the same level, whatever that may mean.

Or the toughest is when you’re with people that knew how much you drank at one point in your life and they expect you to be that way now.

Sometimes it’s fun to drink and let loose a little, but other times I know the excessiveness isn’t going to serve me.

Deborah Adele writes in her book The Yamas and Niyamas about the yogic principle of brahmacharya, or nonexcess.

“Nonexcess is not about nonenjoyment. It actually is about enjoyment and pleasure in its fullest experience. The questions before us are: Are you eating the food, or is the food eating you? Are you doing the activity, or is the activity doing you? Can you enjoy pleasure without excess?”

Alcohol can take up more space in our lives than we want it to, especially if those hangover feelings hit the next day.

To keep it from taking up too much space, I have found sparkling water to be my favorite alternative. Or I’ve been out with friends who have ordered mocktails. Many companies now are coming out with non-alcoholic alternatives to their beers & wines. I’m interested in exploring these more.

Sometimes just getting in the habit of always having a glass of water in your hand can keep you occupied and from getting to a point you don’t want.

Alone Time

Being declared a “fun person” is usually determined by if you are willing to do what someone else wants you to do.

You’re that go with the flow person that says yes to everything.

But what if you don’t want to go to the party, event, or another happy hour?

Maybe you just want to stay home. Maybe you want time to work on your passion. Maybe you want to just lay on your floor and stare at the ceiling after a long week.

You’re allowed to do all of that and you don’t have to feel bad about it.

However, I know I feel guilty when I say no. Either guilt from myself or someone else.

But we can reframe this.

When we say no to something, we are usually saying yes to ourselves.

Yes to recharging, rejuvenating, and deciding what is the next right thing for us to do.

In Marlee Grace’s book How to Not Always Be Working, she quotes yoga teacher Rachelle Knowles:

“The tricky part about creating space to pause and practice is that at first it will need to be deliberate. It might even feel forced. Soon you’ll start to taste the sweetness of it all, which comes from knowing that every time you choose to pause, you are choosing yourself.”

This quote reminds me that setting boundaries is not something that happens overnight. It needs to become a habit in order for the boundaries to stick.

You Can Be More Than Your Day Job

Antonio Gabola

So what do you do for a living?

It is a common question to ask and feels like a safe question to ask someone when you first meet them.

But this is actually one of my least favorite questions.

It is one of my least favorite questions not because I’m not proud of my day job, but because I want people to know that there is more to me than my day job.

You see, for the past 3 years I’ve played in 2 different worlds.

I work in corporate supply chain as my day job, but outside of work you will find me devoting my time to my wellness blog.

However, I’ve never really felt like I’ve fit into either world completely.

I don’t feel like I fit into the typical corporate world because I have this creative and entrepreneurial mindset that I feel like I have to tone back sometimes.

I don’t feel like I fit into the wellness world because I haven’t gotten to the point (yet) where I have a business or I’m making money from it.

I’ve felt the need to pick 1 or be 1.

But maybe I don’t need to pick 1. Maybe I don’t need to pick 1 lane or the other, but I can create my own.

I’ve been realizing that creating my own lane is what could make me stand out in both lanes.

I can bring my creative and entrepreneurial mindset to the corporate work setting, and I can bring my strategic and operational skills from my day job to the entrepreneurial, wellness space.

I need to own the lane I’ve created for myself.

For me, this has been taking small steps like…

The “about” page on my wellness website says “wellness writer and corporate supply chain analyst.”

Along the same lines, my LinkedIn says “wellness writer” along with my day job title.

I can embrace all sides of me and not be 1 person somewhere and another person somewhere else.

When you create your own lane, it may seem like you’re trying to do everything or be everything.

But it really means you’re just getting really clear on what YOU want to do.

When we decide to create our own lane, we decide what our time looks like.

For me, that looks like early mornings and late nights of blogging, with my corporate day job inbetween. Maybe not typical, but it is what has worked for me.

When we give ourselves the permission to create our own lane, we can start doing the things we actually want to do, and it can lead us to our version of a fulfilling life.

How to Stop Procrastinating and Start Journaling

Jess Bailey

I remember before I started journaling in 2017, I thought about starting for about 6 months.

I kept saying “oh yea that would probably be a good thing for me to do” or “that is probably something I should do.”

Journaling just seemed daunting and I built it up to be something that requires too much time or energy.

At that point, you almost have to check yourself and ask is this something I actually want to do?

One day, I had a full mental breakdown about what I was doing with my life and decided yes journaling is something I want to do. I wanted to start making my mental health a priority.

(p.s. I recommend deciding you want to journal before you reach the breaking point, create a soft landing for yourself)

Even though I knew it was something I wanted to do, I was still putting up this mental barrier that was making it so hard to start.

That barrier starts coming down when you decide to put a plan or system in place of how you’re going to make it happen.

I could say I want to start journaling all I want, but it can’t actually happen until I decide what I’m going to do about it.

In order to actually start journaling, I had to 1) know why I was showing up and 2) have a plan for how I was going to do it.

Journaling is not easy, but it is about finding ways to make it easier and easier to show up, to the point where it is hard to make excuses not to.

Here are a few tricks to how you can make starting journaling easier.

Set yourself up with the tools now.

You don’t have to go out of your way to go buy a journal. Grab a journal on your next grocery trip or order one from Amazon that is going to be there in the next 1-2 days.

If you want to type out your journal entry instead of writing, start a blank document on your computer and maybe start journaling before you start work each day.

Pick a time that works for your brain.

Think about the course of your day and when you would be in the best headspace to journal.

When are you the least tired? When can you focus the most? When do you get a moment alone? Pick a time to journal that your brain can realistically be there to make it easier on yourself.

This could take some experimenting to figure it out.

For me, I’ve found the morning is a go-to because I can journal before the day has a chance to get away from me.

Say you’re going to experiment for 5 minutes.

You may feel like you have to journal for a certain amount of time or for a certain amount of pages. You may also feel like your journal has to look a certain way.

I recommend telling yourself that you’re going to try it for just 5 minutes. Write or draw or list whatever you want for 5 minutes.

This can get you started and more often than not, you will journal for more than 5 minutes and get into deep thought that leads you to your next clear decision, idea, or action you want to take in your life.

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You can also apply these tricks to anything else you want to start, i.e. working out, reading more, working on a side hustle, etc.

Set yourself up with the tools now. Pick a time that works for your brain. Say you’re going to experiment with it for 5 minutes. You got this.

How to Create Soft Landings for Yourself

Antoine Martin

Whenever I’ve told someone about a big change I’ve made in my life, my favorite response I’ve gotten is “wishing you soft landings.”

I love that phrase. Soft landings.

It is like being applauded for jumping off the cliff, but wishing you the best that you don’t fall hard.

When we make a big jump, we don’t really know if it is going to be a hard or soft landing.

I think back to my gymnastics days when I would do a tumbling pass and wasn’t always sure how I was going to land.

I think about when I was interviewing for new jobs and you really don’t know how the job is going to be until you get into it.

There are things out of our control that make us not know how things are going to end up or how we are going to land.

But I think there is a way to make the landings softer.

For gymnastics, you can bring some extra mats out and train yourself to bend your knees when you land so that the impact isn’t so hard.

In job interviews, you can talk to as many people as you can and do your research to get more information if the company culture is right for you.

Doing these things doesn’t guarantee we are going to land softly, but how do we make it more likely?

It comes down to having habits and people set up for yourself before you even jump.

Doesn’t mean you have to wait for your life to be perfect to jump, but having some things already set in place can make the landings a little softer and less scary.

Here are a few things that have helped me land softer and have made me more likely to jump.

Journaling

This is the first soft landing I ever put in place for myself.

When I started journaling over 4 years ago, it was to have a place for my thoughts, feelings, hopes, and fears to land. Journaling still serves that purpose for me today.

It is a place to challenge myself to write out whatever I’m thinking without judgment. Some of my biggest decisions, ideas, and realizations have come from sitting down to write in my journal for just 5 minutes.

Morning Routine

Morning Routines have been a soft landing for me because even when things are tough or uncertain, I still know how I’m going to start the day.

You just have to start, and everything else will come after.

Having a few simple tasks that I do every morning helps me at least get out of bed and puts some control back in my life when it can feel like there isn’t any.

Support System

This comes down to what I talked about in this blog post about letting people know what is going on in your life so that they know how to support you when you do jump.

As I reflect on some of the big changes I’ve made, I picture myself jumping off a cliff, my family catching me, and then lightly setting me on my feet. I question, and am slightly convinced, that I would have hit the ground without their support.

Therapy

I’ve found it helpful to not only talk to people in your life about what is going on, but talk to an outside person that does not have as much stake in your life.

My therapist is that person for me.

She can ask the hard questions without me wondering if she is guiding me to an answer that fits her agenda or caters to her opinion. Her agenda is to have an open conversation and give me tools that make me feel capable of taking on whatever it is in my life.

I almost think of therapists as “professional cliff catchers.”

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As you can maybe tell, it isn’t about what the jump is or how you make it.

It is about what habits and support systems you can set up for yourself so that no matter what or how or when you jump, you know you will be capable of landing softly.

What I've Learned About Starting Over

Kelly Sikkema

I’m in a season of starting over.

I’ve moved cities. I’m living by myself for the first time. I’m changing jobs. I’m reevaluating how I spend my time and who I spend my time with. And that is just to name a few things going on.

I also call the season of starting over as a season of re-inventment.

I’ve started over before, but it has been different each time.

It made me think about the essence of starting over. There are 2 sides to it.

It can be a positive change that is exciting and makes you feel hopeful.

Or you could take a different view and ask “how did I get to the point that I felt I needed to start over?”

I wouldn’t call this a negative view; I would call this a reflective view.

Starting over can be good in so many ways and sometimes it is very needed.

But what makes us get to the point of feeling we need to re-invent?

I’ve noticed we feel the need to start over when we become someone we no longer want to be.

And that’s ok.

I’m a big advocate for changing your mind over and over again and it takes courage to decide that the old version of you is not who you want to be.

But how do we make sure that there are more days of being proud of the person we are today than days of feeling the need to start over?

I think there are 3 things that can help us with this.

Surrounding yourself with the right people

The times I have found myself off course is when I’m not surrounding myself with the right people.

No matter how hard you fight it, you’re a combination of the 5 people you spend the most time with.

Are the people I’m spending time with inspiring me to be the person I want to be?

Am I inspiring them to be someone they want to be?

Just asking these questions, even about the people you have been around for years, I have found can be very eye-opening sometimes.

Following your intuition

There have been times where I’ve mistaken intuition for anxiety.

It was like my intuition or gut was telling me to do something and I didn’t want to listen to it, so it gave me anxiety.

Listening to your gut can be really hard and can feel not always logical. But as soon as I started listening to it, it was like a weight was lifted that I didn’t know was there.

Just making that 1 decision to listen to my intuition has led me to making a lot of other decisions that align to the person I want to be.

Not losing sight of what you find important

It has become more apparent to me recently that we don’t all have the same goals or priorities. And that is ok.

We are all going down our own paths that are perfectly crafted for us. But it is easy to forget that someone else’s path is not always your path.

The times I’ve gotten off track is when I forgot where I wanted to go, what I wanted to do, and why I wanted to do it.

It might honestly be easier to get off track these days than stay on track.

It takes checking in with ourselves and sometimes getting really quiet to know what is important to us.

Once we know what that is, we can’t lose sight of it.

I think the key in all of this is to take both a positive and reflective view. We can have hope for the future while also learning from the past.

3 Benefits of Vulnerability and Sharing Your Story

Kelly Sikkema

Have you ever not told your story out of fear of what someone might think?

Maybe you have 1 or 2 sections or boxes of your life that particularly come to mind that you try to hold back from getting too deep into conversation about.

You keep it surface level. Always.

If you do happen to get into that conversation, you fear that as you’re telling a story the other person will start making 1 of the faces that say…

“I’m really not interested in what you’re saying.”

“That is the stupidest idea ever!” 

“Why is that something you’re anxious about?”

You don’t even need the verbal cues, it is all in their face.

I have been there, experienced that, felt that. I’ve done everything I could to keep from getting that face.

I recognize that I could also be making up a story in my head based on their facial reactions.

But either way, I’ve felt that fear based on the social cues I get.

But guess what?

The people that might be making that disinterested or judging face while you tell your story probably don’t get it and it is not our job for them to get it.

Every person we tell our story to is going to take something different away.

Maybe it is good and maybe it is bad, but we don’t really get to choose which one they pick.

But I have found that there are special people out there that are going to get it and it is going to take you telling your story to find them.

They see where you’re coming from, they understand the anxiety, and maybe they’ve even been there.

And there will be other people that won’t get it, but still go out of their way to understand you and provide the support that they can. They’re special too.

But how are we going to know if those special people are out there if we don’t share our story?

How can you discern the not-so-special people (the face makers) from the special people (the supporters) if you don’t tell your story?

Here are 3 perks to being a little more vulnerable:

Gives others permission to share.

There are a couple of people I’ve come across that don’t share much about their life. They keep things close to the chest.

When this thought comes to mind I try to ask myself, do they feel like they can share? Do I share with them?

Everyone gets to pick what they want to share and who to share it with. However, if you tell your story and put yourself out there, others are more likely to feel they have permission to tell their own story.

Maybe you can find a special person in each other.

Remember, the permission to tell your own story has always been there. It just needs to be granted by yourself.

It lets people know how to support you during big moments.

This is HUGE! If you’re excited about something, then tell someone. If you’re anxious about something, open up about it. If you’re hopeful about something, let those close to you know.

Because whether things end up in your favor or not, the people around you will know how to support you during the outcome.

They can be the person to celebrate things going better than expected, or the shoulder to lean on when you’re bummed out.

But they won’t know how you’re feeling about it unless you tell them.

Helps connect with people in ways you didn’t know.

Most of the stories we don’t tell are the hard ones and the ones we need the most support.

We only see the highlight reel on social media or the filtered version of what people decide to tell us. But there are people going through really hard things like you’re.

I remember being hesitant to tell a friend about a health issue I was having. What do you know, another friend of hers was having the same health issue and she connected us so we could support each other.

I remember being nervous to tell someone a hard thing I had experienced in a previous relationship. Come to find out they had been through the exact same thing.

It isn’t easy to say the hard things, but maybe it is what brings us closer together.

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Maybe I’m writing this because I have to remind myself of the reasons to be vulnerable and tell my story over and over again.

My 2 sections or boxes of my life I’m not that great at sharing? 1) dreams I have for this blog and 2) romantic relationships.

Once I realized that the things I hold back from sharing are big parts of my life, I began to share them more and I’m proud of the huge strides I’ve taken.

And I’m not talking about sharing on social media (an entirely different beast). I’m talking about sharing with family and friends. The special people.

However, I do believe there are people out there on social media that can join the special people club, which I think is part of the reason I show up the way I do in my writing.

In a world that can feel so lonely, sometimes it takes opening up and connecting with 1 special person to make everything feel alright.

My Must-Read Books of 2022

The other day I decided I was going to walk to a bookstore to buy a book instead of jumping on Amazon to buy it.

And wow was it my new favorite thing ever.

I’m someone who likes reading a physical book rather than reading it digitally or listening to an audio book. Makes sense that I would like this act of going to physically pick out a book.

I was standing in the self help section, the usual place you’ll find me, and saw a lady pick up The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron.

I said to her “get it, one of my favorite books of all time!”

She responded with, “well I’m actually looking to give it as a gift.”

I said, “even better!”

It made me think, what other books would make me want to give a stranger my unsolicited opinion because I just loved the book so much? There aren’t many. Just the ones that change the way I look at the world and my life.

Here are a few books I would say “get it!” with no hesitation (in no particular order):

The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron

First, you don’t have to be an artist to read this book, but aren’t we all artists in our own way? This book dives into creating a morning pages practice (journaling) and taking yourself on artist’s dates (your time to play & explore).

How to Not Always Be Working by Marlee Grace

I’ve read this book several times when I’m feeling burnt out or lacking inspiration. It simplifies the work vs. play distinction and challenges you to reconsider what is work, when you work, where you work, etc.

The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown

Before reading the book, Brene advises taking her online Wholehearted Inventory quiz. The quiz coincides with the chapters of the book, focusing on letting go of perfectionism, comparison, and anxiety as a lifestyle, and cultivating self-compassion, creativity, and calm/stillness.

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

This is my favorite “book before bed” read as it simplifies the path to personal freedom. Helps remove the expectations from ourselves and others, and emphasizes the power of truthfulness and trying your best.

The Yamas and Niyamas by Deborah Adele

This book explains the yoga principles, which have really become life principles for me. Each principle builds on itself and starts with ahimsa, meaning nonviolence or do no harm.

Untamed by Glennon Doyle

Glennon takes us through her stories of being let out of the cage and no longer needing to be tamed, while other stories are about setting boundaries to what she lets into her life. I love her writing style as somehow she always slips a lesson into a story she hooked you into.

No Hard Feelings by Liz Fosslien and Molly Duffy West

That self help book with pictures you’ve been looking for. Liz & Molly beautifully show us through their words and illustrations how to not put so much pressure on ourselves, our work, and live a little. Many of the illustrations I found myself saying “yep that’s me every day.”

I’m building my 2022 book list! What books have changed the way you look at the world and you would tell a stranger to “get it?!” Comment below or send me an email.

How A Journal Helps Us Face Our Fears

Daria Shevtsova

When I started journaling, it was really hard to get words on the page.

Even 4 years of journaling later, some days it is still hard to get the words on the page. However, I do promise it does get much easier over time.

Why is it so hard to know what to write?

If it is so hard, why do I keep going with it?

The most simple answer I can come up with is that the work I do in my journal prepares me for the work I want to do in my life. 

The difficult decisions, the courageous conversations, and living a life that makes me feel alive.

My journal gives me the chance to sort through the kinks and pent up emotion before it is presented to the world.

Not in a perfectionist way, but in a “I am aware of where I’m at today” way.

Some days of journaling are filled with gratitude and celebration. Other days, I hesitate to write anything down at all.

I realized where the hesitation comes from. It comes from fear.

Who knew that writing something down was so scary, but it is. It feels like if I write something down it is permanent or it defines who I am.

However, whatever it may be, if I am afraid to confront it in my journal, I’ll likely be afraid to confront it in my life.

So might as confront the fears in a safe space where the only judgment comes from yourself.

I realized when I’m journaling, the fears usually fall into 1 of 4 buckets.

Here are the 4 most common fears I encounter when I journal. Maybe you can relate.

I fear it won’t be good enough.

I’m not sure what I expect my journal entry to look like, but I am afraid it won’t be good enough. That I’m not addressing enough of what is going on in my life or writing enough or doing it with enough intentionality. Then I remind myself that I showed up to my journal at all and that is enough in itself.

I fear my fears.

You would think that it would be easier to face your fears in your journal rather than the real world. While it probably is, that doesn’t make writing down your fears any easier. I have found, though, that writing down my fears explains a lot of the feelings I haven’t been able to explain.

I fear my dreams.

I’m worried that if I write a dream down and it doesn’t happen, then I’m a fraud or a failure. But if I don’t acknowledge the things I want to do, how will I ever be able to acknowledge the actions I need to take to make my dreams happen?

I fear reality.

It can be scary to write the actual facts of life down. My journal is this perfect little world to me, but reality is out there. There are hard things that need to be dealt with, but journaling through it can make the reality seem more manageable and you more capable.

I want to leave you with Brene Brown’s words from her book The Gifts of Imperfection:

“Gremlins are like toddlers. If you ignore them, they get louder. It’s usually best to just acknowledge the messages. Write them down. I know it seems counterintuitive, but writing them down and owning the gremlins’ message doesn’t give the messages more power, it gives us more power. It gives us the opportunity to say, ‘I get it. I see that I’m afraid of this, but I’m going to do it anyway.’”

Let’s decide we are going to do it anyway.