I Was Running Away From My Day Job

Marten Bjork

I remember graduating from college, starting my corporate job, getting about 3 months in and thinking…

there has to be more than this.

There has to be more than commuting to work, sitting at a desk, and then commuting home.

Don’t get me wrong, I liked my job and I was thankful to have it.

I also knew that as I started my adult life, work couldn’t be the only thing in my life.

That is when I started creating wellness content, exploring yoga, and a bunch of other hobbies for the first time.

It was the 1st time I could see that I could be more than my day job.

It was the 1st time I could see myself becoming a complex, multi-faceted human-being.

It was also the 1st time I started running away from my day job.

Around that time, I started following a lot of creators and entrepreneurs on social media and listening to their podcasts.

For the past 3-4 years I’ve been consuming their content constantly because I felt like they had this similar mindset that there was more to life than the corporate job.

After years of being immersed in this, I noticed that my definition of success had shifted to being to get out of my day job as fast as I can and do something else to make money.

I started running away from my day job. Like a full out sprint.

I wanted to get out of there as fast as the amount of time I perceived it taking for other people.

Of course, I perceived them doing it quickly and easily, so I often have to remind myself that I’m probably only seeing their highlight reel and not necessarily the blood, sweat, and tears that went into building their side business.

I knew I could get to the point of starting a side business, but I realized I haven’t been utilizing a key superpower I have to get there.

That superpower is my day job.

Adam Grant explains in his book Originals: How Non-Conformists Move the World that some of the most successful entrepreneurs have stayed in their day job during the first couple of years of their side business.

Staying in their day jobs made them more likely to take risks and be creative in their side businesses because they had their day jobs as a financial and emotional safety net.

I had this epiphany that if I want to do hobbies or start side businesses, I don’t need to be running away from my day job. I need to be using it as a superpower.

It is an asset that can help me move forward instead of holding me back.

I pride myself on being a multi-faceted person and I was reminded that it means accepting all sides of yourself, including the day job part of me.

When I shifted the way I looked at myself and my life, things started to change.

I started making bigger strides at work.

I was taking more action on my hobbies and potential side businesses.

I became more present in the things I was doing and people I was with.

Instead of running away, I needed to meet myself where I’m at in order to move forward.

What I Learned From Deleting Social Media for 2 Weeks

Sara Kurfeb

I did an experiment where I deleted all social media apps off my phone for 2 weeks while I was on vacation with my family.

Here is what I learned.

I loved it.

It made me more present when we were out and about. My brain felt like it was fully there.

I only accessed social media from my computer when I happened to have some downtime at night and it felt like a more intentional way to use social media.

I hated it.

I felt disconnected from the rest of the world as it wasn’t at my fingertips. It is crazy how I’ve grown to feel the need to be connected to the world at all times.

I was also reminded that social media is a place where you can connect with like-minded people quickly and cure some of that intellectual loneliness where you think, am I the only person that thinks and feels this way?

This experiment reminded me to ask, what is my goal?

My brain works in an all or nothing mindset and can be very restrictive sometimes when it comes to going after goals.

So the next time I want to make a sustainable lifestyle change, I can ask, what is my goal?

I’m finding most of the time, it isn’t to limit something completely or use it excessively.

It is to do things more intentionally or in moderation. And that can help me start aligning my actions to my goals.

What Happened When I Started A Morning Routine

Laura Chouette

When I talk about the topic of morning routines, the most common response I get from people is “yea I should really have one of those.”

We have enough “shoulds” in our life so no need to feel like you should have a morning routine.

BUT there is something powerful about them.

When I started getting up 20 minutes earlier than I usually would to do my morning routine of journaling, I felt more centered and calm to start the day.

You could also feel calm or centered from taking a walk or sitting with a cup of coffee.

The important thing I noticed here was choosing to have a morning routine was me choosing to start my day on my own terms.

No one else’s, mine.

I was choosing to wake up at the time I wanted to wake up, and not solely because it was the time I needed to wake up for work.

I was choosing to do something for myself before I answered all the pings, dings, and requests of other people throughout the day.

I was choosing how I was going to start the day and set the precedent for it.

And slowly starting my day, my morning, on my own terms became me living my life on my own terms.

The Best Advice I’ve Received About Patience

Noah Buscher

I was given some wise advice lately, which was…

You can’t plant the seeds and eat the fruit on the same day.

This has been helpful to me as I’ve thought about driving change at work, making adult friendships, and developing my blog.

Maybe it is the millennial in me, but you can’t plant the seeds and eat the fruit on the same day. It just doesn’t happen that fast.

For a long time, I’ve only focused on the fruit. The high goal, the destination, and getting to the destination right now.

I haven’t really paid attention to the planting of the seeds. The smaller steps, the journey.

I’ve noticed that focusing only on the fruit, the destination, and getting to the destination right now has not helped me get there faster. It has just made it overwhelming.

So how do I start planting the seeds and go after my goals without getting burnt out?

Here are a few things I’m considering.

Focusing on what seeds I would be interested in planting and not necessarily the fruit.

What do I enjoy doing? Who and what sparks my interest? I think starting there could lead me on a journey I enjoy.

Being patient about when and how fast the seeds will sprout.

Continually showing up to plant the seeds to give me the chance for one to sprout.

After all, the grass grows where you water it. 

Not limiting the opportunities for what the fruit is going to look like.

It is like I have a grip so tightly on what the fruit or the outcome is supposed to be that I’m keeping it from flourishing into possibly something bigger.

I gotta approach with an experimental mindset. Plant some seeds and see what happens.

As a perfectionist, this is scary because I fear I’ll plant some seeds, nothing comes from them, and I’ll waste my time.

I’m slowly learning that if you keep planting the seeds, at some point something is going to sprout, and maybe grow into something better than I could have ever imagined.

–

Reminding myself over and over again that you can’t plant the seeds and eat the fruit on the same day. Have to be patient.

I Read A Book About Getting Sober

Recently, I finished reading Not Drinking Tonight: A Guide to Creating A Sober Life You Love by Amanda E. White (@therapyforwomen).

I did not read this with the intention of getting sober, but to explore my relationship with alcohol.

I grew up in a family that drinks and is always ready to throw the next killer football tailgate.

I went to college in the middle of cornfields, where some may argue that the only activity there was to drink.

After college and coming into the adult world, I noticed even more how ingrained drinking was in our culture. Meeting friends or going on dates usually involved going to get a drink.

I wouldn’t say I had a problem with drinking, but I considered what if I did it less?

I was willing to pick up White’s book because she wasn’t saying “You have to get sober.”

She wanted you to consider “Would your life be better without alcohol?”

This question seemed graceful for my perfectionist brain and was what I asked myself throughout the whole book.

Here were a few takeaways that really stuck out to me.

We don’t have to be either sober or an alcoholic.

She explains in the book that sometimes we feel like we have to be 1 or the other.

We don’t have to put a label on it and we can just start being intentional about the choices we make. We don’t have to live in 1 extreme or the other if we don’t want to.

Identifying the costs & payoffs of drinking and not drinking.

There is an exercise she has you do in the middle of the book to write down the costs and payoffs of drinking and not drinking.

It is eye-opening when you actually write it down.

When you evaluate everything from how it makes you feel the next day, the cost, the logistics, and your interactions with other people. Definitely a powerful exercise.

There are options to socialize sober.

A lot of times when I’m socializing with friends, it isn’t necessarily that I want an alcoholic drink, but I feel like I need a drink in my hand.

One option White mentions is ordering a mocktail.

I could see myself ordering the cocktail that comes in the fancy glass without the alcohol and still enjoy myself. I’ve also started to notice some places have non-alcoholic beers as an option on their menu.

White also mentions that some big cities have sober bars now.

I have never heard of this, but I know one is opening in Columbus very soon and am interested to check it out.

I have a feeling this business idea will start catching on as health and wellness becomes more important to people.

Plan 24 hours in advance if you’re going to drink.

If you’re looking to moderate, White gives this tip so you have the chance to make the intentional decision to drink, instead of drinking due to a trigger.

I really liked this because it is easy to have a drink because someone else did, because it’s nice out, or you had a long day and you want to use it as a tool to unwind.

Deciding in advance that I’m going to drink can help me remove the possible shame from drinking and decide that I want it because I want it, and not for another reason.

We aren’t looking for a drink, we are looking for a moment.

White quotes author Holly Whitaker who says, “...sometimes we don’t actually want a drink, we want a moment.”

This blew my mind because it is so true for me.

I sometimes just want to be outside on a patio with friends, drink out of a fancy glass, go to a place with a cool atmosphere, or do something to unwind.

And really, none of these have to involve alcohol if I don’t want them too.

–

So where does this leave me?

After I read the book, I kind of felt the self-inflicted pressure to be sober.

But I keep coming back to these takeaways and they have helped me re-evaluate my relationship with alcohol in a graceful way.

So I am not sober, but more so seeing what drinking in moderation looks like.

As White puts it, I want to continue to explore… would my life be better without alcohol?

Do You Have A Mental Health Routine?

George Pagan III

I struggled for a long time understanding what taking care of your mental health looked like.

Something that helped me was thinking about it like this.

Just like we go to the gym for our physical health, we can make time to go to the mental gym.

Options

For your physical health, you have options like lifting weights, yoga, running, etc. and you pick the thing that feels good to you.

For your mental health, you have options that help you check in like journaling, therapy, a walk, or sitting quietly with your coffee. You can pick which one of those feels good to you.

Planning a Time

When you’re planning your physical workouts, you have an idea of when is the best time to workout based on your schedule and when you have the energy to do it.

For your mental health, you can do the same thing. You can plan a time you’re going to check in with yourself based on your schedule and when you want to slow down.

Consistency

For your physical health, you have seen that you get stronger and healthier the more consistently you workout. You aren’t just strong automatically after 1 workout.

For your mental health, the same thing happens. The more consistently you make time and be intentional about showing up for your mental health, the stronger it becomes.

–

Just like the physical gym, the mental gym routine starts when we simplify the task, make a plan, and start taking action.

What I Learned From Changing Jobs for the First Time

Christin Hume

I’ve talked to many of my fellow mid to late twenty somethings who have reached about that 4 year mark of working.

No matter if they love or hate their current job, a common conversation that comes up is if or when they should switch jobs.

I just changed jobs for the 1st time and here are some things I learned in the process.

Part 1: Leaving Your Job & Finding a New One

You will know when the right time is to leave.

You hear that most people only stay in their 1st job for about 2 years. As that 2 year, 3 year, 4 year mark approaches, it's hard to not consider the other options out, especially if the job market is hot.

So when is the right time to leave?

I contemplated for a long time switching jobs, and then one week it became blatantly obvious to leave based on things that started changing personally and professionally. It smacked me right in the face.

I think we feel pressure to make a job switch, or at least explore it, but you will know when the right time is. Keep observing and trust yourself.

Keep LinkedIn updated.

I got in the habit of updating my LinkedIn every so often with new projects, responsibilities, and what city I was living in.

I didn’t do this for the purpose of looking for a new job, but it became a game-changer in the process of finding one.

I got reached out to by a recruiter who saw the city I was living in and what I had been working on, and that is how I got my new job.

It isn’t always going to happen that fast, but updating your LinkedIn gives you the opportunity for it to happen.

Do your research.

The application process is very different from the first job we took right out of college. Now we have a few years under our belt and a lot more leverage.

I had no idea what to do with this leverage, especially when it came to salary expectations.

I talked to some close connections, did some research, and realized I may have more leverage than I thought. One site that was eye-opening to me was salary.com.

Don’t count yourself out and do your research.

Ask HOW the work is done.

In the process of interviewing, don’t just ask WHAT work you will be doing, but HOW you will be doing it.

What systems and processes are in place? What are the daily tasks needed to push the needle forward? How do teams interact to get the job done? How open are they to change?

Then asking yourself, is that how I want to be doing things and is this a culture I could see myself in?

You could like the idea of what you’re doing, but understanding HOW the new company does things could help you make an educated decision on if you want to take the job.

This is a big deal.

If you’re looking for a new job, you’re about to change the thing that you probably do for 40 hours a week. It will probably change your routines, maybe where you’re living, and/or the trajectory of your career.

This isn’t to scare you, but I say this because I don’t want you to settle. Don’t settle for a job change that you aren’t excited about. Make sure it checks all or most of the boxes.

Go with your gut; you usually aren’t mad that you did.

Part 2: Starting the New Job

You go from being an expert to a beginner.

I’ll admit, I kind of forgot about this when I changed jobs.

Even if you’re going into a very similar field that you were in, every company is so different and does things in different ways.

This can be a super uncomfortable process so be ready and open to it. I have had to put my student cap back on and be open to learning.

Come from a place of curiosity instead of judgment.

I knew going into a new job that I first needed to learn the business before I jumped in and said “here are all the things that need to be changed.”

It is also easy to assume that whatever you learned in your first job is the “right” and “only” way to do things.

This mindset doesn’t keep us open to a new perspective or really learning the business.

Therefore, I’ve found it important to come from a place of curiosity instead of judgment. 

We can not love the way something is done, but there is a method to the madness that people do.

Heck there may be people I encounter that have been working in the industry longer than I’ve been alive. They know the ins, outs, and upside-downs.

I’ve found asking why something is done, instead of just shutting it down completely, is key to being able to jump in effectively and respectfully to improve processes.

Ask for support.

Once I got into the new job, I knew I needed to seek help to make the growing pains less painful.

The people who know your job really well, as well as the people you feel like to can personally connect with and vent to.

Hopefully support is offered to you in your new position, but if not, seek out who the experts are on the subject or the company, and ask all the questions you can. 

People could be giving you more credit than you feel like they should and think you got it together.

I’m not the best at asking for help, so I have to remind myself often that people won’t know I need support unless I tell them.

Celebrate where you’re at.

In the middle of the growing pains, someone reminded me recently of the resiliency that you’re building.

You’re learning in a different way than you’re used to and that makes you acquire new skills. Each new skill you acquire only makes for more tools in your tool belt for the next challenge you face.

It is important to celebrate this new career milestone and that you have challenged yourself to go to the next level.

Give yourself credit for that.

Invincible vs. Resilient

Becca Tapert

Do you ever get annoyed that you’re sad about something? Annoyed that you’re mad about something? Annoyed that you’re basically feeling emotion.

For me, it comes from this pressure to be strong or be invincible.

It's like be so strong that you don’t get thrown off your rocker or have any emotion.

Here is what I remind myself in these moments.

I am not invincible, but I am resilient.

I am allowed to bend and I won’t break.

I am allowed to feel all the feels, and then move forward.

But I don’t think the resiliency to get up and move forward happens overnight. It has to be built.

Resilience is built when we continually choose to show up for ourselves. When we say each day “today I’m going to do something to take care of myself.”

Then when a tough time or emotion does come, we feel more capable of taking it on and moving forward.

You aren’t invincible, but you are resilient.

My Love/Hate Relationship with Pinterest

Fahim Reza

I have a love/hate relationship with Pinterest.

Remember in high school when you show the hair stylist a picture from Pinterest of what you want your prom hair to look like and it ends up looking nothing like that.

Remember in college when you design your dorm room based on what you saw on Pinterest.

Then as an adult, you attempt to make the most perfect dessert to take to a family gathering and it turns out nothing like that.

You would think I would learn by this point, but I have to remind myself often that Pinterest and the internet are for inspiration, not a copy paste.

I got to take the inspiration and make it my own. Plus what I design myself could be better than the Pinterest because I’ve made it my own.

What Happened When I Got Off Hormonal Birth Control

Reproductive Health Supplies Coalition

*This article is an account of 1 person’s experience and is not intended to provide medical advice. Please consult a professional and do your research before starting or stopping any medical treatment.

Starting Hormonal Birth Control

I started taking hormonal birth control when I was 21.

I felt late to the game relative to many of my friends who had started in high school or early college. Many of them started using it due to painful cramps, acne, wanting birth control, or never getting their period naturally.

Since it seemed like everyone was on it and I was in the middle of my college years, I thought it would be a good idea to start taking it for birth control.

After talking to my OB, we decided that Nuvaring was best for me.

I loved it. I would leave this small ring filled with hormones in me for 3 weeks, take it out for 1 week, and then put a new one in. Low maintenance.

My periods were very regular and I had peace of mind that I was using birth control.

It was a habit that I adopted that I didn’t really think too much about.

Exploring the Other Options

Fast forward, I’m 25 years old and I’ve been on the ring for 4 years.

In this 4 year time, I started to really be interested in finding what worked for my mental and physical wellness for the stage of life I was in.

I started to become curious and aware of the options that were out there, including for birth control.

1 option I learned about was the fertility awareness method (FAM).

It is a non-hormonal, natural approach where you use different body indicators to track where you are in your cycle for the purpose of birth control or trying to conceive. Body indicators include waking body temperature, cervical mucus, cervix position, along with a few other things.

It is not to be mistaken for some apps that guess when you ovulate solely based on when you get your period. 

With FAM, you use your body indicators to know exactly when you ovulate. 

I learned that this is important to know because a few days before ovulation and a few days after ovulation is considered your “fertile window” and is when you would practice birth control (either with a physical barrier or something else). All other days of your cycle, there is a very low to no chance that you will get pregnant.

This was the most shocking thing I learned throughout this experience. I thought every single day of your cycle you could get pregnant, but it is only in your fertile window.

I was also shocked that I didn’t know about FAM before as it was never presented to me as an option for birth control in any health class growing up.

I asked some friends if they had heard of it and some who went to catholic high school said they had been taught it. It sounded like it was an option that was presented to them so they would stay away from the use of hormonal birth control and align with the catholic beliefs.

I was intrigued by FAM as I was continuously looking for ways to be more in tune with my body. I felt like my body was just running like a machine and didn’t really know what was going on with it.

After a lot of research, reading books, and talking with a fertility awareness specialist, I decided to stop taking hormonal birth control and start using FAM.

Don’t get me wrong, I was so nervous to do this. I read everything I could and talked to whoever I could talk to about it.

But I knew this was a step I wanted to take for myself.

Stopping Hormonal Birth Control

I was so nervous to get off hormonal birth control so I decided not to do it alone.

I ended up joining a group led by fertility awareness educator Nina Boyce to support women as they went off birth control.

We would review each other’s temperature charts, how to distinguish cervical mucus, share other body indicators people were using, and how we were feeling as we got off of the hormones.

And wow did I need someone to talk to.

Getting off birth control was HARD. All caps needed.

My body freaked out when I got off.

I would go through a rollercoaster of ups and downs as I went throughout my cycle. I would feel the worst when I was transitioning from getting off my period to my estrogen rising up. 

My body did not like that it was trying to do my cycle naturally.

The first 3 months were really rough. Mostly anxiety and freak outs about what I was doing with my life.

I leaned a lot on Nina’s support group, my therapist, and close loved ones.

I questioned whether I wanted to continue to be off it.

The people I talked to that had gotten off hormonal birth control had gone through similar feelings. It made me feel like maybe I wasn’t crazy.

I learned that it can take awhile, depending on your body, to get the hormonal birth control completely out of your system.

Since I already had made it through the first 3 months, I decided to keep going.

And I’m so glad I did.

What Happened When I Stayed Off

1 of my FAM charts on the Read Your Body app. Everyone’s is going to look different.

As I got into months 4, 5, and 6, my body started to adjust to being off it and started to feel a lot better.

Even though I had experienced anxiety in months 1-3 of being off hormonal birth control, now my anxiety was significantly down compared to what it was when I was on hormonal birth control. Noticeably different.

Anxiety was something I struggled with over the years and I can’t help but think that maybe the hormonal birth control was heightening it. I hope there are some professionals that look into this possible correlation in the future.

Another big thing I noticed getting off hormonal birth control is that my intuition became stronger than ever. That might sound “woo-woo” to people, but our inner knowing guides us throughout a lot of our life.

For the past few years, I really didn’t trust myself to make decisions. I overanalyzed everything and didn’t think I was capable of making the best choices.

Getting off hormonal birth control, I started having a clearer head and was less foggy. There is no other way to explain it than that. When you can trust yourself, that can make you feel like you can do anything.

A few other observations I made were my libido was higher, I was very in tune with my body, and FAM was reinforcing me to take care of myself.

I learned that our bodies and cycles are sensitive to any change in sleep, alcohol use, sickness, travel, etc. Any time I wouldn’t sleep well or drink a lot the night before, I wouldn’t just not feel great, I could see the effects on my FAM chart.

FAM reinforced the importance of having a routine and taking care of myself, as it would show in the data if I wasn’t.

You Get to Choose & You Can Change Your Mind

I’ve been off hormonal birth control for 10 months now.

Throughout this whole experience, I felt empowered to know I had options.

I don’t think I would have used FAM while I was in college as it wouldn’t have fit well with the lifestyle I was living at the time.

Now, I feel FAM is the right option for me as it caters to the more routine and healthy lifestyle I have right now.

Who knows, maybe my lifestyle will change and I’ll decide to go back on hormonal birth control.

What feels the most empowering is to know that there are options and we can pick the method that fits us for this season of life, even if that is different from what we’ve done before or what everyone else is doing around us.

FAM resources I recommend:

Book: Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler

Instagram: nourishedwithnina and themaddiemiles

Podcasts: Healing Hormones and Peace.Love.Hormones.

App: Read Your Body

How I Do My Monthly Check-In

Towfiqu Barbhuiya

When you get to the end of the month, a lot of the time it feels like where did the time go, where did my money go, or what am I doing with my life?

To come back to center, here is something I enjoy doing at the end of each month.

Grab a piece of paper or a journal and take 10 minutes to write down reflections and intentions.

Write reflections for the past month.

This could be a bulleted list of things you did, things you’re proud of, or worked hard on. It is a moment to find some gratitude.

Then write intentions for the month ahead.

How do you want your time to be spent? Who do you want to spend time with? What does progress look like to you?

Then throughout the month if I ever have one of those days where I don’t know what I’m doing with my life, I come back to my intentions. It gives me clarity and confidence on what I am doing with my life.

Is There A Healthy Amount of Not Caring

Brett Jordan

I’m definitely a perfectionist, a go-getter, and sometimes I just care a little too much.

I’m trying to figure out, what is the healthy level of not caring?

When there are a lot of problems at work, at what point do I just have to let it go and try again the next day so I can enjoy my evening?

When I don’t get the positive response I was hoping for from the video I posted or work presentation I made, what is the healthy amount of taking feedback, but also not taking it personally?

When my face doesn’t look as clear as it usually does like it does today, how do I not let this thing I’m self conscious about stop me from feeling confident going places or posting videos like I do?

I think there are 3 questions that can help give myself permission to care a little less.

Am I being considerate of others and following through on the promises I made?

Most of the time you probably are, so you aren’t letting anyone else down.

Have I done all the things that are in my control?

Most of the time you have and that means we gotta let the things out of our control go.

Does this 1 thing that is making me upset determine my overall happiness or keep me from moving forward?

This is the question that helps me let go a little, take care of my mental health, and find gratitude in the things that are bringing happiness to my life.

When Social Media Makes You Feel Behind

Georgia de Lotz

Social media has been such a great way to connect and keep up with people’s lives, but I think there is 1 aspect that is really hard to overcome.

I’m 26. When I open my social media I see people getting engaged, married, buying houses, having babies, and starting businesses.

I am so happy for people when I see this, but if I’m being real, it makes me feel behind.

It’s like “dang why don’t I have that? What the heck am I doing wrong?”

A couple of things I’ve been reminding myself in these moments:

The path the person had to take to get to where they’re might not have been as easy as you think.

People could have waited, prayed, manifested, and worked their butts off for years to make that happen, but we are only seeing the shiny result. Remember there was probably a long process and a lot of struggle to get to that point.

Asking myself are those the things I actually want right now?

Engagement, marriage, babies, am I even ready for that? Sure we want it someday, but no need to get down on ourselves when we aren’t mentally ready for it right now.

If I do want those shiny things eventually, know that I’m on the path to get there and I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be right now.

It doesn’t matter where you’re on the path or how fast you’re moving, as long as you’re on it.

If you don’t feel like you’re on the path, what is a small step you can take to get you to where you want to go?

I’m Challenging the Way I’ve Always Done Things

Bookblock

“That is the way I’ve always done it.”

This is a fine answer to explain why I do the things I do, but I’ve been trying to say it less so I can lead my life with more intention. 

Instead, I want to ask myself “why am I doing it this way?”

I was reminded of this when I was challenged in the way I journal.

My way of journaling for the past 4 years has been to write whatever was on my mind. A stream of consciousness. Just let it all out.

This is very aligned with Julia Cameron’s method of morning pages that she talks about in her well-renowned book The Artist’s Way.

Morning pages consist of journaling 3 pages every morning with whatever is on your mind.

Author Greg McKeown discusses journaling in his book Essentialism. His approach intrigued me.

McKeown suggests applying the principle of “less but better” to your journal.

He challenges to start an “essentialist journal” and write 1 sentence a day answering the question of “what’s the most important thing that happened today?”

It made me consider, what if I only wrote down the essential things? What if I journaled about only the most important things?

This approach could give me a lot of clarity on what my time and energy should be spent on, and could realign my focus.

Here are some others things I started considering:

Feeling All The Feelings

I will say that writing a stream of consciousness has given me permission to explore every feeling about everything in a safe space.

But the approach of only writing down the essential things could help me realize what is not worth feeling stressed, frustrated, or annoyed about if it has not been declared essential.

The Hardship of the Task

Showing up to journal whatever is on my mind is daunting sometimes. I feel like there is so much I need to write down and I can make the task harder than it needs to be.

Showing up to write down the essential things can make it feel more manageable and you might be more likely to do it consistently.

Structure vs. Play

Writing down whatever is on my mind allows my perfectionist brain to run free and not feel like things have to be a certain way. Some unexpected things get discovered.

Writing down the essential things could bring a little more structure to entries if that is what I like, but leaves less room for play. However, it could be easier to see trends or your evolution of growth over time.

Memory

Writing down what is on my mind has helped me process and capture a lot of memories.

Writing down only the essential events could help me remember the most important things from my day or life, like being together with family, instead of writing down something annoying someone did that is not going to be important a year from now.

–

So do I keep going about journaling the way I always have, or do I change course?

The important question to ask myself is why am I journaling? What is your purpose for showing up?

For me, I need a place to check in. This means I could maybe see myself writing out what is on my mind, but closing out the entry recognizing what is actually important from the day.

When we start asking “why” more often, our habits start aligning more to our purpose.

What is Helping Me Grieve

Aejaz Memon

I was reminded recently of the power of a morning routine, especially during a time of loss, a breakup, or when life hits us hardest.

Like when I lost my grandfather in February 2022.

The morning after his passing, I woke up and I had to remind myself that it happened.

This continued on for the next couple mornings. The alarm went off, I woke up, and I have to remember all over again.

I thought how am I possibly supposed to get out of bed when I’m dealing with this heartache?

Something that did get me out of bed was my morning routine.

Making some coffee and sitting down with my journal is my usual go-to.

So that is what I did.

Having a morning routine setup helped me in 2 ways:

Gave me the scheduled time to grieve & check in with myself

I’ve noticed that depending on the day, it can either feel like there is a lot of time in the day to grieve or none at all.

Utilizing my morning routine as a check in on how I was doing was powerful. It gave me space and created a boundary at the same time.

My morning routine became a place to land softly.

Gave me the 1st step to take for the day

We don’t need to know what the whole day is going to look like, just what is the first thing to do.

Having the 1st thing in my back pocket made me feel like there was purpose in the day when I felt a little lost.

Usually after I do the 1st thing, it becomes apparent what the next thing is and the next thing is after that.

My morning routine became the springboard for the rest of the day.

–

This isn’t to say a morning routine is going to fix all my sadness I’m feeling.

But having one setup already made me feel empowered when the hard times did hit.

I can keep it simple too. Sitting with a cup of coffee, journaling, a meditation, a prayer, or a walk.

A morning routine helped me feel equipped to go from “this really sucks right now” to “I’m capable of moving forward.”

Make It Easier to Start a New Habit

Elena Mozhvilo

I remember when I started podcasting many years ago, I made a plan to record right after work each day.

The 1st day, I got home and tried to record. Not much progress was made.

Next day after work, I tried to record. Again, not much progress was made and I was getting frustrated with myself because of it.

The following day, I showed up to record. Again, not much progress was made to the point where I didn’t know if I even wanted to do it anymore.

I knew I wanted to inspire people to put their best foot forward in their life, but I was struggling to just take 1 step forward with this podcasting thing.

I always say the key to creating a new habit is to know 1) why you’re doing it and 2) how you’re going to make it happen.

I had both of these, so what was wrong?

I noticed I was trying to do this creative task when I was my most tired.

It was like I was starting at a deficit before I even began.

I needed to find a way to make it easier on myself. I needed to find a time where I could give myself a chance to succeed.

So I experimented with recording in the morning.

Holy cow, I started making progress that I didn’t know was possible.

With the way my brain is wired, I am just more creative in the morning. No other reason needed to explain it.

The same thing happened to me with working out.

If you listen to a lot of successful people, they say a key is to workout in the morning.

I’ve noticed that my body just doesn’t like to do that, so I don’t.

I have my best workouts at the end of the day because my brain is ready to turn off from work and my body takes over.

Sometimes we blame ourselves for not starting something because of low motivation or determination, but maybe we just haven’t become aware of when our brain and body work best.

When we take the time to experiment, observe, and adjust our day according to our brain and body, the habits start forming and the goals start getting met.

Can I Have Boundaries and Be A Fun Person?

Pan Xiaozhen

“You’re no fun!”

Yep, I’ve heard that one a couple of times.

Hearing that used to bother me A LOT. I really cared (and still do if I’m being honest) about being received as a “fun” person.

The times I usually hear “you’re no fun” is when it comes to my boundaries around sleep, alcohol, or alone time.

It makes me question if I can have boundaries and be a fun person?

The simple answer is YES.

It is about reminding myself why I’ve set the boundaries I’ve set.

You don’t set boundaries to restrict yourself from doing fun things. You set them to make room for the things that are most important to you. The things that are “fun” and fulfilling to YOU.

Maybe that is working out, spending time with someone you love, or making time for your passion project.

Setting boundaries is not easy. But when we get in the habit and get more comfortable with setting them, they’re a lot more likely to stick.

Here are the 3 scenarios that I find the most tricky to set boundaries.

Sleep

I have a very early bedtime because Claire with less than 8 hours of sleep is not pretty.

This doesn’t mean I’m not tough or am weak because I can’t function on less sleep. I have learned how much sleep I need to be able to function at the level I want to.

Sometimes that requires turning off Netflix early or leaving a party before midnight.

I try to remind myself that my sleep boundaries aren’t in place to restrict me from having fun. My sleep boundaries are in place to help me make room for other things to happen.

I know with little sleep I will have trouble being able to show up for my job, my workouts, and important people in my life in the way that I want to.

Other people may not agree with your sleep boundaries, but you’re, as Greg McKeown calls in his book Essentialism, “protecting the asset.”

McKeown has a whole chapter on the importance of sleep and he says…

“The best asset we have for making a contribution to the world is ourselves. If we underinvest in ourselves, and by that I mean our minds, bodies, and spirits, we damage the very tool we need to make our highest contribution.”

I’ve found protecting the asset starts with creating good sleep habits during your normal weekly routine.

I got in the habit of figuring out how many hours of sleep I need to function and I adjusted my bedtime and wake up time accordingly to make that work.

Once I started having a couple of weeks of good sleep habits (trust me didn’t happen overnight, no pun intended), when it came to that weekend night where I was out a little later, I had many nights of good sleep under my belt that allowed me to have fun and stay out a little later if I wanted to.

Now, how do I deal with my crankiness when I am tired? That is something I am still trying to work on.

Alcohol

Setting any boundaries around alcohol is so tough since it is so ingrained into our culture.

It’s the happy hours, the tailgates, the weddings, the catch up with college friends, or visiting the new winery or brewery in town.

In these social situations, sometimes people hope you drink as much as them so you can be on the same level, whatever that may mean.

Or the toughest is when you’re with people that knew how much you drank at one point in your life and they expect you to be that way now.

Sometimes it’s fun to drink and let loose a little, but other times I know the excessiveness isn’t going to serve me.

Deborah Adele writes in her book The Yamas and Niyamas about the yogic principle of brahmacharya, or nonexcess.

“Nonexcess is not about nonenjoyment. It actually is about enjoyment and pleasure in its fullest experience. The questions before us are: Are you eating the food, or is the food eating you? Are you doing the activity, or is the activity doing you? Can you enjoy pleasure without excess?”

Alcohol can take up more space in our lives than we want it to, especially if those hangover feelings hit the next day.

To keep it from taking up too much space, I have found sparkling water to be my favorite alternative. Or I’ve been out with friends who have ordered mocktails. Many companies now are coming out with non-alcoholic alternatives to their beers & wines. I’m interested in exploring these more.

Sometimes just getting in the habit of always having a glass of water in your hand can keep you occupied and from getting to a point you don’t want.

Alone Time

Being declared a “fun person” is usually determined by if you are willing to do what someone else wants you to do.

You’re that go with the flow person that says yes to everything.

But what if you don’t want to go to the party, event, or another happy hour?

Maybe you just want to stay home. Maybe you want time to work on your passion. Maybe you want to just lay on your floor and stare at the ceiling after a long week.

You’re allowed to do all of that and you don’t have to feel bad about it.

However, I know I feel guilty when I say no. Either guilt from myself or someone else.

But we can reframe this.

When we say no to something, we are usually saying yes to ourselves.

Yes to recharging, rejuvenating, and deciding what is the next right thing for us to do.

In Marlee Grace’s book How to Not Always Be Working, she quotes yoga teacher Rachelle Knowles:

“The tricky part about creating space to pause and practice is that at first it will need to be deliberate. It might even feel forced. Soon you’ll start to taste the sweetness of it all, which comes from knowing that every time you choose to pause, you are choosing yourself.”

This quote reminds me that setting boundaries is not something that happens overnight. It needs to become a habit in order for the boundaries to stick.

You Can Be More Than Your Day Job

Antonio Gabola

So what do you do for a living?

It is a common question to ask and feels like a safe question to ask someone when you first meet them.

But this is actually one of my least favorite questions.

It is one of my least favorite questions not because I’m not proud of my day job, but because I want people to know that there is more to me than my day job.

You see, for the past 3 years I’ve played in 2 different worlds.

I work in corporate supply chain as my day job, but outside of work you will find me devoting my time to my wellness blog.

However, I’ve never really felt like I’ve fit into either world completely.

I don’t feel like I fit into the typical corporate world because I have this creative and entrepreneurial mindset that I feel like I have to tone back sometimes.

I don’t feel like I fit into the wellness world because I haven’t gotten to the point (yet) where I have a business or I’m making money from it.

I’ve felt the need to pick 1 or be 1.

But maybe I don’t need to pick 1. Maybe I don’t need to pick 1 lane or the other, but I can create my own.

I’ve been realizing that creating my own lane is what could make me stand out in both lanes.

I can bring my creative and entrepreneurial mindset to the corporate work setting, and I can bring my strategic and operational skills from my day job to the entrepreneurial, wellness space.

I need to own the lane I’ve created for myself.

For me, this has been taking small steps like…

The “about” page on my wellness website says “wellness writer and corporate supply chain analyst.”

Along the same lines, my LinkedIn says “wellness writer” along with my day job title.

I can embrace all sides of me and not be 1 person somewhere and another person somewhere else.

When you create your own lane, it may seem like you’re trying to do everything or be everything.

But it really means you’re just getting really clear on what YOU want to do.

When we decide to create our own lane, we decide what our time looks like.

For me, that looks like early mornings and late nights of blogging, with my corporate day job inbetween. Maybe not typical, but it is what has worked for me.

When we give ourselves the permission to create our own lane, we can start doing the things we actually want to do, and it can lead us to our version of a fulfilling life.

How to Stop Procrastinating and Start Journaling

Jess Bailey

I remember before I started journaling in 2017, I thought about starting for about 6 months.

I kept saying “oh yea that would probably be a good thing for me to do” or “that is probably something I should do.”

Journaling just seemed daunting and I built it up to be something that requires too much time or energy.

At that point, you almost have to check yourself and ask is this something I actually want to do?

One day, I had a full mental breakdown about what I was doing with my life and decided yes journaling is something I want to do. I wanted to start making my mental health a priority.

(p.s. I recommend deciding you want to journal before you reach the breaking point, create a soft landing for yourself)

Even though I knew it was something I wanted to do, I was still putting up this mental barrier that was making it so hard to start.

That barrier starts coming down when you decide to put a plan or system in place of how you’re going to make it happen.

I could say I want to start journaling all I want, but it can’t actually happen until I decide what I’m going to do about it.

In order to actually start journaling, I had to 1) know why I was showing up and 2) have a plan for how I was going to do it.

Journaling is not easy, but it is about finding ways to make it easier and easier to show up, to the point where it is hard to make excuses not to.

Here are a few tricks to how you can make starting journaling easier.

Set yourself up with the tools now.

You don’t have to go out of your way to go buy a journal. Grab a journal on your next grocery trip or order one from Amazon that is going to be there in the next 1-2 days.

If you want to type out your journal entry instead of writing, start a blank document on your computer and maybe start journaling before you start work each day.

Pick a time that works for your brain.

Think about the course of your day and when you would be in the best headspace to journal.

When are you the least tired? When can you focus the most? When do you get a moment alone? Pick a time to journal that your brain can realistically be there to make it easier on yourself.

This could take some experimenting to figure it out.

For me, I’ve found the morning is a go-to because I can journal before the day has a chance to get away from me.

Say you’re going to experiment for 5 minutes.

You may feel like you have to journal for a certain amount of time or for a certain amount of pages. You may also feel like your journal has to look a certain way.

I recommend telling yourself that you’re going to try it for just 5 minutes. Write or draw or list whatever you want for 5 minutes.

This can get you started and more often than not, you will journal for more than 5 minutes and get into deep thought that leads you to your next clear decision, idea, or action you want to take in your life.

–

You can also apply these tricks to anything else you want to start, i.e. working out, reading more, working on a side hustle, etc.

Set yourself up with the tools now. Pick a time that works for your brain. Say you’re going to experiment with it for 5 minutes. You got this.

How to Create Soft Landings for Yourself

Antoine Martin

Whenever I’ve told someone about a big change I’ve made in my life, my favorite response I’ve gotten is “wishing you soft landings.”

I love that phrase. Soft landings.

It is like being applauded for jumping off the cliff, but wishing you the best that you don’t fall hard.

When we make a big jump, we don’t really know if it is going to be a hard or soft landing.

I think back to my gymnastics days when I would do a tumbling pass and wasn’t always sure how I was going to land.

I think about when I was interviewing for new jobs and you really don’t know how the job is going to be until you get into it.

There are things out of our control that make us not know how things are going to end up or how we are going to land.

But I think there is a way to make the landings softer.

For gymnastics, you can bring some extra mats out and train yourself to bend your knees when you land so that the impact isn’t so hard.

In job interviews, you can talk to as many people as you can and do your research to get more information if the company culture is right for you.

Doing these things doesn’t guarantee we are going to land softly, but how do we make it more likely?

It comes down to having habits and people set up for yourself before you even jump.

Doesn’t mean you have to wait for your life to be perfect to jump, but having some things already set in place can make the landings a little softer and less scary.

Here are a few things that have helped me land softer and have made me more likely to jump.

Journaling

This is the first soft landing I ever put in place for myself.

When I started journaling over 4 years ago, it was to have a place for my thoughts, feelings, hopes, and fears to land. Journaling still serves that purpose for me today.

It is a place to challenge myself to write out whatever I’m thinking without judgment. Some of my biggest decisions, ideas, and realizations have come from sitting down to write in my journal for just 5 minutes.

Morning Routine

Morning Routines have been a soft landing for me because even when things are tough or uncertain, I still know how I’m going to start the day.

You just have to start, and everything else will come after.

Having a few simple tasks that I do every morning helps me at least get out of bed and puts some control back in my life when it can feel like there isn’t any.

Support System

This comes down to what I talked about in this blog post about letting people know what is going on in your life so that they know how to support you when you do jump.

As I reflect on some of the big changes I’ve made, I picture myself jumping off a cliff, my family catching me, and then lightly setting me on my feet. I question, and am slightly convinced, that I would have hit the ground without their support.

Therapy

I’ve found it helpful to not only talk to people in your life about what is going on, but talk to an outside person that does not have as much stake in your life.

My therapist is that person for me.

She can ask the hard questions without me wondering if she is guiding me to an answer that fits her agenda or caters to her opinion. Her agenda is to have an open conversation and give me tools that make me feel capable of taking on whatever it is in my life.

I almost think of therapists as “professional cliff catchers.”

–

As you can maybe tell, it isn’t about what the jump is or how you make it.

It is about what habits and support systems you can set up for yourself so that no matter what or how or when you jump, you know you will be capable of landing softly.